So. King Kong. Yeah. I really, really wanted to turn it off by the time they got on the boat. I even offered to watch Doom instead (oh, the Harlequin quality romance that abounds in this house! It makes me swoon!) But no. Zorak wanted to watch the rest of the movie. If you haven't seen it, and you don't want me to spoil it for you (and you DO realize it's a remake and a pretty universal archetype at this point, but still somehow feel inclined NOT to actually hear what happened), then just skip this post. I'll blog again before bed. :-)
1) Um. Yeah. I know times were tough, but I'm not gettin' on a boat in the middle of the night with ANY guy who says "trust me". Come to think of it, I'm not getting in a CAR with that guy, either. However, you need to move the plot, ok, I get it. But THEN...
2) Not sure why, but whoever wrote this thing had a total fear of the plot actually taking off and just going. Just as it would begin to flow, the whole stinkin' movie would stall so that some character could (a) throw in a poorly placed monologue for backstory, (b) make some painful Joseph Conrad parallel, or (c) expound on some virtue somebody's mother paid money to have included in the movie. And believe me, there were many such items. It was like listening to Mel Tillis speak.
3) OK, the captain - he was like a narrow Ralph Fiennes and somebody else. Anybody know WHO? Anyhow, he was cool. And he had a Luger. He rocked. Although WHY he took the Luger (which we thought was pretty cool) onto the island the first time, when later we discover he's got a friggin bed full of Tommy Guns... WTH? Why? *sigh*
4) Ann Darrow. Has. Issues. There were a lot of dolphin jokes thrown about.
5) The ape was very amazing. Very. And we're not big FX freaks by any means, but the monkey crew? Talented, brilliant, amazing. Wow.
6) Who was their gun consultant? Did he not explain that even Kong could not withstand THAT many bullets before succumbing? No? Oh. Ok.
7) The leading hero was cool. And he did a great job with what little he had to work with from the script. Who wrote this crap? Obviously it was either (a) someone who is totally hot and has never been in that position before, or (b) someone who has, erm, physical flaws and has repeatedly bombed when in that position. Either way, somebody didn't get it. But the actor did a good job, all things considered.
8) It would have been great - predictable, but still great anyway - if someone, at some point, had simply told Jack Black's character to stuff it. Anybody else wait and wait and wait for that to happen? It was like in The Relic where they kept showing the closeup of the lone museum employee in a dark room with the creepy music playing as he (or she? I can't remember) cleaned the actual relic. Everyone else is the museum is dying and they keep coming back to that scene... and nothing ever came of it. What a waste. Either save the film, or see it out. Let's make a commitment, here.
9) Everyone you think is going to die. Dies. They could have had a lot more fun with that one.
BUT, in all, I'm glad we watched it all the way through. It did improve and quit stuttering after a while. The phallic worms were a bit unnecessary, and I'd have brought back one of the herbivores instead of the large fanged meat-eating creature. But then, that's me. Of course, I wouldn't have been on the boat to begin with, so I suppose that's a moot point. *grin*
Not a bad flick. Glad we borrowed it instead of renting it or, heaven help us, paying to see it in the theaters. It's a little awkward to truly berate a movie we watched for free. Still, I could have watched Enemy At The Gates again. Or The Sure Thing. And been perfectly content.
Dy
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