The Interview

Alright, so I'm, what, the second to last person ever to do one of these? You know how they work (I had to re-read the directions). Chris interviewed me, so here are my answers. If you'd like an interview, post "Interview Me" in the comments section- I'll interview the first five respondants here and you can either reply in the comments (so if you don't have a blog, but would like to do this) or blog your response and let me know when you've answered! Have fun!

1. What is your biggest challenge in homeschooling and how do you cope?

Oh, that's easy: keeping it fun. I'm not a fun person when it comes to learning. Learning should be prolonged and painful. It should make you sweat, darnit! In a previous life, I taught in a dark, scary Middle Ages monastery. Thankfully, the boys tow the line there and keep me focused on the "good stuff". They insist on laughter and raucous giggle fests. They bribe me, too, with their gleaming eyes and tinkling laughter. I can't resist, and I find myself going against every grain in my body to make things fun.

It wears me out, to be honest. But, it's so worth it. Maybe by the time they leave for college it'll be habit and I can turn my machinations on Zorak?

2. Just beyond the edge of househunting sanity, you fly to Las Vegas for the World Realtor’s Association convention. You have strapped explosives and an ignitor to your body, you bum-rush security and steal the microphone from Ms. Perky Realtyface. You now have the attention of the entire realty world, what do you say? Or do you just laugh maniacally and push the button?

Oh, the laughing and button pushing sounds so appealing! I'm thinking that screaming in my most maniacal voice, "YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME!!!" or just uttering a prolonged series of statements, muttered only loudly enough for witnesses to recount them to the media and get the message out, would be the best way to go. Actually, with more thought on it, I'm thinking the second is the best way to go- with the first, news reports might begin with, "Filled with adolescent angst, 32 year old..." Yeah, that would be weird. Well, more weird than bombing the realtor's convention.

3. Tell us one of your Theme Songs. What song do you play for/sing to yourself under what circumstances? You get extra Nothing Points for posting the lyrics.
Ultimate Theme Songs (songs that can pick me up, give me a charge, and turn my head): Copperhead Road by Steve Earl, and The Devil's Right Hand. And I like to superimpose the whistling part of The Good, The Bad and The Ugly soundtrack at the beginning of any good driving tape.

For the All-Around Theme Song, though, I'm going to go with "My Own Heart's Desire" by Ian Tyson- it's a waltz, and it's beautiful.

1.There's a light in the kitchen
As I cross the valley and head her on into the yard
My wife is watching from that light in the kitchen
As I cross that old cattle guard
I unload my horses -- Two Bits and Roanie
And throw them a few Flakes of hay
My wife comes to meet me with that determined look
The first thing that I heard her say

Chorus:
Darlin' we haven't gone dancing
For such a long time now
It's been so long since we twirled around the dance floor
I've almost forgotten how
So gas up the pick-up
I'll bring the babies
They'll stay with the neighbors tonight
If the band at the bar
Can play waltzes and shuffles
I'm gonna dance with my own heart's delight


2.So I drank a cold one
I sang in the shower
I pondered upon marriage and such
They say this country was hell on horses and women
I guess it ain't changed all that much
We make a good team my lady and I
I couldn't ask for anything more
If you don't believe me
Just catch us tonight
We'll be the best dancers out on that floor


4. What is your most embarassing/entertaining Kids in Public story?

Wow, the minute I read this, I couldn't think of any Zorak would let me repeat in public. (I know, I tried- he nix'd three very good ones.) So far, our stash of these have come courtesy of John, who just doesn't have the same sense of propriety that James does. If you were to meet John, you'd see that he is all hugs and snuggles (sometimes like being snuggled by a rhino, but still snuggly), and yet he's the king of the food chain. That child has no fear- not of dragons, not of electricity. He's the Alpha male - in his own mind, anyway.

At one of James' birthday parties, our neighbors, Ben & Claudia, were there, with their wee son, Sam. Sam was playing happily under the counter when John spied the prey on the Savannah, er, the baby on the carpet. He had a paper towel tube. The stalk was on. What he didn't realize was that Ben was standing in the kitchen, observing the whole process: clueless baby vs. mighty hunter. Ben didn't say anything to pre-empt it - he wanted to see what John would do. (We share a wonderfully warped sense of humor with these folks- hence, the deep and beautiful friendship!) John got within a foot of Sam, tube raised high to strike, when he saw Ben. Without missing a beat, John whipped that tube around to his eye and surveyed the living room through his new "telescope". When he swung it back around to Ben, he saw that Ben was still watching. So he faltered, for just a split second, turned the telescope into a cane, which he leaned on and hobbled off.

Ben was still laughing when he told us about it after the party.

5. How did you and Zorak meet?

It's your typical "travelling salesman meets office manager" romance. Ours has fared better than the ones that generally get published. I was at my favorite seedy country bar one night with friends. He was there with his cousin. He never said a word to me, but when he took his cousin home, he told him he was going back "to ask that blonde to dance".

When he asked me to dance, I was leery and pretty certain my feet were going to pay for it, but I was there to dance (and he was really cute). He was wearing Dockers, dress shoes and a business-style button-up shirt. I thought it brave and kind of sexy of him to wear that into this particular bar, but seriously, wouldn't you be a little leery? Wow! He could dance! Quite well! "How'd you learn to dance?" He laughed, "I grew up on a sheep ranch." Oh, well, how can you not want to hear that story, right?

We had so much fun, and felt so comfortable with each other. I broke two of my cardinal rules for him: I let him buy me a beer (two bouncers came to verify that 1) I'd said he could, and 2) I wasn't slobbering drunk and out of my mind, before the bartender would give him the beer); I let him walk me out (normally, nobody but a bouncer left with me- and they made me tell them where I was going) When the bar closed, we drove to my favorite haunt (the truckstop- don't laugh, they had kick-ass chicken friend steak, and bottomless coffee, not to mention the place was filled with folks I knew who would come looking for me if I disappeared!) where we talked and laughed until it was time for both of us to go back to work. He was a little unsettled when every bouncer in the bar filed past us about an hour after we sat down, but he handled it with the grace and upfront openness that he does everything he encounters.

Anyhow, we had a great time, got along famously, promised not to get attached to one another, and saw each other daily every time he came to town.

At some point, we just sort of realized it was too late- we were attached. That was almost ten years ago. Good stuff!

Thanks for the interview!

Kiss those babies!
~Dy