We heard a song on the radio this weekend that was just priceless. It's a parody by Cletus T. Judd of the romantic song "You Have the Right to Remain Silent", by Perfect Stranger. The parody is funny on its own, but if you haven't heard the original, go listen to it first. Cletus T. Judd's voice is intentionally nasal and difficult to understand, and this isn't exactly date-night music (well, for us it would be, but I know that's not everybody's cuppa tea.)
You Have No Right To Remain Violent
New lyrics by Cledus T. Judd and Chris Clark, La-Po Music (BMI)/Chris Clark Publishing Designee
Well, I asked you to dance
Now my nose is broken
Must've said somethin' wrong
Gosh, I was just jokin'
But it's hard not to cry
With a gussied up eye
My face sprayed with mace
If ya didn't wanna dance
You could've just said so
And if I'd only ducked fast
Then I wouldn't have bled so
Do you think there's a chance
You could call an ambulance?
Oh God, I'm in pain
*chorus*
You have no right to remain violent
That kick to my crotch
Uh, that was very uncalled for
You continued to beat and beat me
'Till I was black and blue
I've been wantin' you
But not any longer
'Cause it's brutally clear
That you're so much stronger
I'm madder than fire
My jaws are both wired
One hell of a date
I didn't know my bladder had failed me
Until I looked down at my pants
I think I'm in desperate need of hospitalization
But I ain't got no danged insurance
***chorus***
I bought a camcorder
Got a restrainin' order
Now lay you're hands on me
I guess that's what you get when you ask a perfect stranger to dance.
KathyJo tagged me with this meme. I haven't blogged anything "just for fun" lately, so here it is. For the last part, I don't know who has done it or who would be interested in doing it. So if you'd like to, take it and run, run with the meme!
5 things I plan (Lord willing) to do before I die:
1. Hunt moose in Alaska.
2. Travel into Mexico with the boys.
3. Hike the AT from Maine to Georgia.
4. See my boys grown into fine men.
5. Buy a stinkin' house.
5 things I can do:
1. Make a beeeyuuutiful recurve bow.
2. Basic mechanic work and rebuilding.
3. Knit (not well, but that wasn't the question).
4. Swim.
5. Make boo-boos all better.
5 things I cannot do (yet):
1. Drive an 18-wheeler.
2. Ballroom dance.
3. String spaghetti up my nose and out my throat in one piece.
4. Zorak says, "ride a motorcycle", but I think of that as something I can do, just haven't tried yet. I', sticking with that.
5. Sit through "Beth Moore" bible studies.
5 things that attract me to the opposite sex:
1. Intelligence (and a willingness to abandon it for #2 on occasion).
2. Humor.
3. Integrity.
4. Roots - knows who he is.
5. Boots. Not girly boots, and not decorative boots. I mean BOOTS.
5 things I say most often:
1. Jackass.
2. Who loves that boy? (or "those boys")
3. WHAT are those idiots thinking?!?!
4. We should close next week.
5. Goat.
5 celebrity crushes:
1. Patrick Stewart
2. Tom Selleck
3. Sam Elliott
4. Bruce Willis
5. Kurt Russell
:-) Kiss those babies!
~Dy
7 comments:
> 5. Buy a stinkin' house.
No! Buy the not-stinky house. Good luck with getting all of those mold difficulties out of the way quickly.
Well, DH will teach you to drive a truck anytime. In exchange for one of those beautiful recurves of course...LOL
HUgs!
ROFLOL!!! Thank you Dy for the laughs! Hysterical. Love the song. The spaghetti comment has my stomach turning - LOL! Ooooh...Sam Elliott (he was soooo good in We Were Soldiers) and Tom Selleck, yes I have to agree with him too!
I say something similar to that, I say, which boy does mommy love, they say, this boy.
I am wondering what context you use the word "gost" in, LOL?
Hey, Dy! I have my own version of your number 3 under Things I Say Most Often:
"Whose bad idea was THAT?"
As in... "String SPAGHETTI through your NOSE? Whose bad idea was THAT?"
Mamabird
I so almost added a #6 so that I could get Sam Elliott in there. *happy-sigh* ROFL on the things you say most often. I find myself saying #3 quite often, too. Seriously hoping that you can quit saying #4 soon.
And that song cracked me up. :)
Heidi - lol. Good point. Hopefully it won't be stinky for long.
thoughtsinsidemyhead - hi! Ohhh, I forgot about James Spader. *sigh* I can't sit through a Beth Moore study b/c I find myself leaping up and down in a most unlady-like fashion, screaming that she is SO OFF BASE, doctrinally. Not the general basics, but the details. Oy! It gives me fits. And if I do try to sit and be ladylike and quiet, I end up with a migraine b/c it's just very not in my nature to keep my mouth shut when I think something is being portrayed inaccurately. I know some women love her to pieces, and if they find sustenance in what she says, that's great. But it's better if I just don't go there. :-)
Laney... Goat. :-) Um, I could tell you, but then you'd have to deny ever knowing me. Probably. Maybe not. I don't know. Email me if you want to know. :-) But it's way, way worse than the laundry.
And The Spaghetti thing? Yeah, that's what happens when two young geeks have too much time on their hands and a really interesting science book. Around two in the morning, the conversation turns something like this:
G1- "Hey, look here. It shows the sinus cavity opens straight into your throat!"
G2- Yeah, I heard you can actually pass spaghetti up your nose and it'll come out in the back of your throat.
G1- Really?
G2- Really.
*pause for contemplation*
From there it just goes downhill. I don't recommend this experiment to anyone. The resultant sinus infection is not worth it. Just trust the books - it goes all the way through. *sigh*
It's a wonder I survived my childhood.
Dy
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