On Hiring Henchmen

A good henchman is hard to come by. And so, in the hope of helping malevolent landowners and corrupt sheriffs across the Wild Wild West find competent, caring henchmen, we have outlined the basics to cover in the application/interview process. Enjoy.

Name? (If it's an alias, don't tell me that, just say as little as possible)_____
Former Occupation______________________________________
Reason for becoming a Henchman _____________________________
How's that workin' for ya? ____________________________
Years Henching? ________________
Are you aware that, even if we offer you a "retirement plan", we do not expect you to live long enough to collect on it, and if you do, we'll just kill you if you try? yes___ no ___ (If you checked no, stop now, shred this paper and leave.)
Please explain briefly a situation in which you were involved in a successful Henching Operation that required teamwork and cooperation:
___________________________________________

Where do you see yourself in five years? (Or if you don't plan to live that long, let's say, two years? By Christmas?) _________________________________________

Do you have any identifying marks readily visible to onlookers? (please explain)
____________________________________
Do you have an eye patch? (if yes, please mark the top of your application for preference points) _____
Have you, or anyone working with you, ever actually heard the foreboding music that accompanies your entrance to a drinking or entertainment establishment? __________
Just between you and me, how creepy was that?_____________________________________
Do you have any brothers who will follow you blindly into this employment? _______

How familiar are you with the (rather unspoken) Henchman Code of Ethics? (mark yes or no)
*Can you shoot an elderly, unarmed, blind man in the back? yes__ no__
*Can you leave an unescorted pregnant woman without a horse in the wilderness? yes__ no__
*Can you ever, under any circumstances, attack a perfectly healthy, sound, armed opponent at the same time as a fellow Henchman attacks him? yes__ no__

Literacy, cultural awareness:
You are expected to stampede the ____________ and pillage the _________. (Don't laugh. You'd be surprised how many get this wrong. Answer carefully.)

Yup. Mocking bad westerns is what we do on Sunday evenings... it's good.
Have a good evening!
Dy