It wasn't the best, or the worst. But it was pretty painful. I'm starting to wonder just how much bribe money it would take to relocate our entire congregation at our Wonderful Church so we don't have to change congregations. Zorak thinks this might be a prime opportunity to just scrap it all and start our own "church".
Last week, we visited what we will call the Very Small Church (VSC):
It's Very Small. Perhaps 30 people there, total, on Easter Sunday.
Quite family-friendly; we walked in and the boys said, "They like kids here! Look! There's a baby in the choir!" And what do you know, there was a toddler hanging out with the choir.
They have the children's lesson incorporated into the service, where the children are called to the front for a short talk. Very sweet. The pew was filled with... a 16-year-old-boy, a 5-year-old-girl, the toddler from the choir, and... our kids. That's a lot of work to put into such a small demographic, but by the same token, it was abundantly clear that we were all welcome there.
The pastor of the VSC was kind. Sweet. Mmmm, what's the word I'm looking for? I don't know. He was a bit nervous, and he told a story about another pastor's first Easter service that he informed us was, "absolutely awful" (at this point, we knew VSC Pastor was not a storyteller, per se), then he tied it in (sort of) to this service... leaving us to surmise that although he's been preaching for at least four years, this was his first Easter service. We think. If not, then all bets are off. The sermon he preached was "different". He did a dramatic first-person narrative. In one tone of voice. Stephen Wright uses more inflection than this guy. Good material, but the delivery was just. not. his. strong. point.
In all, though, a good, solid place. Small, so there's no anonymity. The children aren't likely to get lost in the background noise of a larger group. It's full of love and sweetness. Met a lady who's "new here, too" (she's been here over five years, *sigh*). Judging by the toddler's free reign of the sanctuary during the service, they will have no trouble at all with us keeping our children with us for worship.
Drawbacks? Well, no children's ministries other than the children's talk in the service. Actually, the dearth of children is a bit of a drawback, as well. I'm not sure about the pastor's leadership abilities. He seems very nice, and could very well blow us all away by being a phenomenally strong and intuitive leader. But if so, he doesn't exude those qualities right off the bat.
That led us to try what we'll call the Big Shiny Church (BSC):
It was big.
It was shiny.
Not a hymnal, or a child, in sight.
From 0-3, they want them (the children) in the nursery. From 4-6, they will let them in for the singing, and then they want them in another wing of the building, entirely, for the rest of the service. I'm guessing once the kids hit the ripe old age of 7, they've given up, as we didn't see any in the sanctuary under about 12 years old.
I don't know what they've done with the hymnals.
Great band. Really. I thought the music was a soundtrack until we stood and I could see the drum riser. The music is fresh, polished, and well-done.
The fellowship area looks like the coffee bars in Barnes & Noble. Faux marble, wrought iron, barrista area, inlaid wood tables and gourmet beverages on display. Truly a stunning place. They've thought of everything, down to the soda vending machine by the nursery.
These aren't necessarily drawbacks. The place is huge, and it was packed, so obviously, it's filling a need somewhere. It was just a bit... glossy for our comfort. Like the pages of a magazine.
We suspect the BSC Pastor made a bet with the elders before the service to see how many times he could use the word "sex", or one of its derivatives. "Sexuality," "sexual", "sensually satisfying", "sexually pleasing" (OK, we're starting to understand why they kicked the kids out...) I lost count at 15. I actually began feeling somewhat uncomfortable. We've never heard Sarah (Abraham's wife) raked over the coals with such sexually charged fervor... To hear this man speak, Sarah was the Paris Hilton of the Jewish people.
And, just to keep us on our toes, he made SURE we know that "tired out" is a synonym for "past menopause", "post menopausal", "no longer menstruating".
(sex)
We thought, based on the children's ministries at the BSC (chorus, catechism, weekday activities), that it would be a good place for our children to find fellowship and for us to find the support the church can give in parenting. Instead, it felt more like Vulgaria. You can, however, collect your children from under the tunnels as you exit the coffee bar.
In retrospect, inflection isn't everything... So next week, we'll try the VSC again, with a fresh perspective.
Or we'll start proceedings to start our own church. There'll be coffee!
Kiss those babies!
~Dy
14 comments:
I've never been very comfortable with a church that requires the children leave the service. If i want my child with me no one should tell me they have to leave. My MIL attends a very small Methodist church and from the time Ashleigh (who is 18) was a newborn she has been in the church service, noise and all, and no one ever minded. They just passed her around. Now, that's my kind of church. How is a child supposed to know how to behave in the service if they aren't allowed in the service? Good luck on the church search, we are in the same hunt ourselves.
Yikes! We attend Mass at the military chapel and our pastor changes quite regularly, as you'd expect from a military congregation. We've had some great homilists and some incredibly dull (that's what we've got now), but the only place he can stray is in the homily. Ten minutes. The whole rest of the Mass is all laid out and we can all follow along in our missals, every last detail. I've only once heard a controversial homily, from the very best story teller ever, and he did lose a few of his flock over that one, but it was a really good homily. I still haven't forgotten it, eight years later. I hope the VSC works out for you all...it sounds like they're trying at least!
UGH! BSC! I like churches small enough so that they aren't big headed, yet big enough so I can kinda blend in.
That's funny what you said about the bodies... In one basement, my hubby said, "There was another room back there, but I was afraid I might find a body back there, so I didn't go in." (I didn't even go down!)
*sigh* I am so not ready to dive back into The Great Church Search again. I have to say that just the description of the BSC gives me the screaming heebie jeebies. But if you should decide to go back, I'll never say another word about it. ;)
Ernie mentions starting our own church on a regular basis. I tell myself he's kidding. It would be Waco all over again.
These are your two alternatives to the church you've been attending which is too far away? Yikes! I know EXactly what you mean about wanting to take a congregation from one church, a priest from another, etc. I'm still not entirely happy with our priest Or the location, and would be happy to take the congregation and the service and put them in the cute Baptist church next door (the Baptists would object) with the priest from another church we visited. Maybe most of the congregation from the VSC was off visiting relatives at Easter, and the pastor was put off his usual excellence by the sight of an empty church. Maybe you will be more favorably impressed on a second visit? Could happen!
Congratulations, you have officially ruined the story of Sarah and Abraham for me. Thanks for that. ROFL!! "Paris Hilton of the Jewish People."
I feel for you, Dy. That can be so frustrating. Too bad Wilmongton is kinda far because we are somewhere between VSC and BSC. :-)
This post cracked me up!! All of it. But I do feel for you in the Great Church Search. I hope that you guys find something soon, It really wears you out dagging everyone around to different churches, doesn't it? And WhY? Oh WHy do some pastors try to do the dramatic reading on Easter? Why?
Dy,
As I was re-reading parts of Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott I thought of you and your church search.
"There would be different pastors along the way, none of them exactly right for us until a few years ago when a tall African-American woman named Veronica came to lead us. She has huge gentle doctor hands, with dimples where the knuckles should be, like a baby's fists. She stepped into us, the wonderful old worn pair of pants that is St. Andrew, and they fit.
...And that is why I have stayed so close to mine-because no matter how bad I am feeling, how lost or lonely or frightened, when I see the faces of the people at my church, and hear their tawny voices, I can always find my way home."
I thought you would like that.
Love,
Donna
WOW! First the cricket filled basement and now the church shopping! We are dealing with similar struggles these days. But I'll take the crickets over looking for a new church any day! And isn't it especially hard with children?? You just never know what you are walking into.
Are we going to be shunned b/c we have the children in the service? Or are they going to handle snakes and swing from the chandeliers?!?! (or talk ablut sex for an hour? LOL!!) You just never know :)
Good luck to you!
Em, I need to email you! We're living in a parallel universe at the moment! LOL. Personally, although I am quite a fan of the marital bed, I think that when it comes to church services, I'll take snakes over that one, any day! ;-)
Donna, I think I need to read gentler books. LOL. That's very beautiful.
Melissa, do you mean it's common for some pastors to go out on a performance-driven limb for Easter? I've never been subjected to that before, but if it's common for ordinarily normal pastors to get a little wacky with their Easter sermons, that's actually... encouraging... I think.
Laney, I don't think I'll ever look at Sarah the same again. Even Zorak said, "Wow, who'd have thought the ol' gal had it in her, huh?"
Melora, see, if y'all had come out this way, we'd be one more family closer to starting our own church! We could probably even garner enough folks to start up a legit. umbrella school for wayward homeschoolers!
KathyJo, I'm looking into those cups for ya! ;-)
momanna, {{{hugs}}} Hang in there. We looked at a LOT, and there weren't ever any bodies. That we could find, anyway. We are, admittedly, not digging deep in the Scary Room here, though. ;-)
Jennie, oh, yes! The VSC is working hard, worshipping hard, and has open arms. I wish they were bigger, but if everybody passes them by b/c they aren't bigger, they never will become so. Somebody's got to be among the first few to stay. :-) I'm looking forward to giving it another try. (Although a ten minute leeway sounds REALLY nice right about now! LOL!) Thanks for your words of encouragement.
Bridget, I'm with you - love the churches that pass the babies around! I do understand that not everyone is comfortable with that arrangement, and am glad that there are alternatives. It's just not something we'd choose for ourselves, to have them gone the whole time we're on the premises. :-) One of my favorite quotes is from one of our pastors in New Mexico: "Get used to the sounds of children in the church. They are the church's future." He was a great pastor.
Thanks for seeing the humor in it all with me, guys. Helps keep me from sliding down the wall, looking for Zebra Cake crumbs.
Dy
Our homeschool co-op meets in the BSC that dh's grandma attends. I've gotten lost in that place. Nice people, but I would think it would be a little hard to get to know many of them well as there are just *so* many. I think they go a little overboard on the production and razzle dazzle to attract people and the focus strays from what it should be which is God and His Word.
One particular BSC in town advertises on the radio by listing all of its ammenities and extra programs first: basketball court, gym, indoor bowling alley, youth program, etc., etc., and last (and from the sound of it least) "preaching by our pastor, Xyz". I'm not against the BSCs, but it seems easy to get caught up in a lot of extras and lose focus.
We once belonged to a BSC (though I betchya you wouldn't recognize it as such if I told you the name:o)), and that was a problem there.
We have a VERY small home fellowship. At times it can be a little lonely, even though I enjoy the company of all those who come. We just keep our focus where it should be and have a lot of extra "fellowship" with people outside of formal fellowship meetings. I've been so very blessed by some of the conversations I have had with people at co-op or book club or with 16yods' friends or over at OKCyndi's comment section (http://www.twoedgetalk.com/two_edge_talk/) for example. Get it where you can. Iron sharpeneth iron and all that.
I enjoyed this and could identify with it completely. We've moved several times over the course of our marriage and have attended many, many churches.
We have settled on a small church, about 100 or so on a good Sunday morning as opposed to the more popular and socially acceptable bigger churches.
The churches where there are all kinds of children's activities and children's worship are places where I had to be firm when they tried to convince my son that he needed to go with them. A couple of times I had to hold his arm or he would have followed them out of the sanctuary. (Is it still called a sanctuary these days?) Some ladies were visibly irritated but knew that they couldn't make a scene in front of everybody.
We always get comments about how well behaved our kids are afterwards and people say "What a nice looking family you have".
I'm not picky about music or anything, I like many types of music. It's not about the music!! But what is being discussed and not discussed in churches these days is absolutely unbelievable.
I'm tired of churches and their fear of offended the unchurched. I want the full gospel preached, but it's very hard to find that these days.
Well, I could go on in a bigger rant about this issue, but I'll save you from it.
We settled on the church where they respect parents and the parental role. It's not perfect, but I can see where we can serve God there as it's made up mostly of senior citizens. They're very nice people. One really nice lady came up and asked if we homeschooled, so I figured they were homeschool friendly. My teens are the only teens in their "youth group", but that's okay because the youth leader quizzes them on their root words and knowledge of bible history. They get more out of that kind of youth group than any of the larger youth groups combined.
Blessings to you and your family.
During our church search last year, we went to one and listened to a sermon on how God gave the Canaanites hemorrhoids. Ok.
A lot of the churches were quick to point out that they had a nursery. They seemed nonplussed when we'd mention no thanks, but nobody actually forbid us to bring our kids into the service. They didn't make much of an effort to make us feel welcome though.
I'm not big on churches that want us to dump our kids off in the hands of a stranger (usually some strange, blue-haired old lady) so the rest of the group can worship in peace. Children are the future of the church. They should be with the parents observing how to worship. A congregation that doesn't understand us isn't one we want to belong to.
Dy, you should have seen my SIL's big huge baptist church. They even had a paragraph in the bulletin about how the babies should not be in service. Boy do I love my oldest SIL who sat in our row nursing her son in the sling we bought her. WoooHooo! LOL
I hope VSC works well for you. We find both comfort and panic in being part of a smaller church. LOL
Hugs
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