My Gentle Knight

John is five. He is the most genuinely sensitive of the three boys, in the truest sense of the word. His empathy is powerful enough to move mountains. His tears are healing and soulful. His laughter wells up and spills over. His desire to fight dragons of all kinds and defend his loves is fervent and true. He is the first one to know when someone else needs a hug, often even before the person in need is aware of it, and he's right there to offer it with all his heart. He would rather snuggle than wrestle; rather sing than speak; rather do than watch. Life is there for the savoring, the taking and the sharing, according to John.

He is also the child to whom most things happen. Allergies? John has them. Freak chemical accident? John got hit. Piss Poor ER staff and a fight just to be seen for the chemical accident? That's my John Baby. (He wasn't "fussy enough", according to them, to have had contact that needed attention.) The child that goes down for a nap after a wonderful morning and awakes an hour later with a fever of 106, unable to breathe? John. Cause of the 106 fever turns out to be double ear infections, upper and lower respiratory infections, UTI, kidney infection and strep - all totally asymptomatic until the fever hit? That would be John. The list goes on... If it's weird, difficult to address, absolutely terrifying, and leaves us absolutely exhausted with frustration and the pain of not being able to make it better, it seems it will attack John.

And he handles it all. so. well. "Does it hurt?" We ask him. He says, "No. Only when..." and goes on to list the times it hurts, which boils down to anyone else saying, "Hell yes, it hurts! Make it stop. Cut it off. Shoot me." But not John. For him, it only hurts occasionally... which is always, but that's not how he sees it. He gets sad, and seeks the comfort he so readily gives at any other time. And he waits for us to make it better.

Tonight is one of those nights. Tonight is actually mild on his timeline of events, but I'm just wearied by it. He had a reaction to the Novocain at the dentist. It began to dissipate by the time we left and aside from his fatigue and exhaustion from our schedule recently, he was pretty okay this afternoon. We stayed home, though, as he wasn't feeling 100%. I called Zorak as we left the dentist's office to let him know I needed to be Full-Time Mommy today and our mail box hole will have to wait. He sent his love and blessings and extra hugs for John.

At supper, something was bothering John. He was hungry, but not eating well. This was more than just tired - something was *wrong*. We talked a bit and I asked him about it. He showed me his lip, which had swollen to four times its normal size in the previous hour. (It hadn't looked like that before.) Oh. Wow. It looked like a large blister, ready to burst, beginning inside his mouth and spreading to the outer part of the face. He never complained, just pointed out that it was "irritating" and made it difficult to eat.

I gave him some Benadryl as we prepared for bed. It didn't touch the swelling or wateriness, but did knock him flat out. He fell asleep with his head in my lap as I was tucking him in for story time.

Well, he has no fever, no rashes, no swelling of his throat or tongue. He's not cold or vomiting, or experiencing labored breathing, and not in enough pain to wake him... so I am letting him sleep. I'll give him some Motrin if he wakes during the night, and continue checking on him every few minutes. He did get up to use the restroom, although he's so out of it than when he was done, he put the lid down on the toilet and sat there, cross-legged, until I asked what he was doing. He just shrugged. I took him back to our bed so I'll be able to keep an eye on him. The blistery-swollen part now extends from the corner of his mouth, along the bottom lip all the way to the middle of his lip. It's worse, but he's still sleeping peacefully.

He has two more visits to the dentist which will require work. Naturally, the front teeth that need to be done are on opposite sides of his face, and can't be done simultaneously. (It's the repair and capping of the front ones, which are chipped and in bad shape.) I don't know what they'll do for him, but Novocain is probably out of the question. And if this is from the Novocain (I'm still not sure - with the way it came, then went, and then returned with a vengeance), the thought of putting him under a general anesthesia is even more terrifying than trying to make him tough it out without a local. It's going to break our hearts, no matter what we need to do. And he'll be so brave, no matter what he needs to do. Our gentle, sweet knight and his big-scary dragons...

I would not trade places with anyone in the world, but God, do I hate this part.

Kiss those sweet babies.
~Dy