Sunday, May 6

You are so not in the club.

"What club?"

"The church club."

"Yeah... I noticed."

We went to the VTC again today. They don't really break between Sunday School and the service (the pause is only long enough for the pianist to walk to the front of the church and sit down), and two and a half hours is just a bit long for the little guys to sit still and quiet without any kind of a break (potty, snack, stretch-yer-legs). So we decided to go for the service only, which the sign says begins at 10:35. We got there at 10:30. Sunday school ended around 10:50, and they moved right into the service. We got out of there at almost one. I asked what time they normally end Sunday School (thinking that perhaps today had been a special study), and was told, "Whenever I finish." Oh. Well, that'll make planning easy.

After the service, the pastor's wife approached and mentioned that it's been a while since she's vaccumed in there and hoped we didn't encounter too many bugs when I'd taken EmBaby to the far back for a bit. (We did. They were pretty numerous. The windows are filthy, too, and the place could use a dusting.) She said she'd get the vaccum out and bring it over and tidy up a bit, and so I offered to come and help. I've never been in a congregation that wasn't clamoring for women to come help clean the church. That is, never been to one until today. You'd have thought I'd said I'd come clean her home. Nope, they don't need any help with cleaning the church. OK, well, you know, if you ever do the big spring cleaning, or need help with the woodwork, or whatev--- "NOPE. We don't need any help ever. We're fine."

Uh-huh.

On the way down the steps, I asked the pastor about two of the ill who'd been mentioned in the prayers that morning, and let him know that if anybody is ever ill or homebound and they need someone to do grocery shopping or bring meals, please don't hesitate to let me know. His response took me by surprise: "We take care of our own in this community. We don't turn to any 'church organizations' when we need something." He expounded a bit, but it didn't make any more sense than that, and wasn't nearly as gentle.

That, a few other things, all of it together, struck me as... odd. Isn't a congregation part of the community? Isn't it the calling of the church to take care of those who need care? I wasn't offering to send out FEMA requests, or to call in a representative from a large national organization to come survey the situation and make recommendations. I was offering to help, myself, in person. Coming from a pastor, as well, the facial display of ironic quotes when he said "church organizations" seemed a bit... well, off. I thought maybe I was just being prideful in feeling snubbed so curtly, and decided not to say anything more about it.

Then on the drive home, Zorak hit me with the observation above. That's how it sure looked from his point of view. Folks, just a tip: when someone from outside your faith sees the flock snubbing other believers, it's Painfully Obvious. You're not being subtle, or probably even kind.

*sigh*

I know. We're not "from here". You don't have to remind me. (And I wish the people who are From Here would stop making such a point of it, themselves.)

I don't know how long this congregation has been down to five people, but it seems its been long enough that they've become settled in their ways. To the pastor's wife, it probably felt as if I *did* offer to come clean her home. In her mind, that's her church. She cleans it. She decorates it. It's hers. I wouldn't even say she knows she's developed that attitude, honestly. She acted more offended by my offer than anything.

Same thing with not taking a fellowship break between Sunday School and the service. Everybody who comes is there, so let's just move on. It's comfortable for them, and it works... for them.

And the pastor's response to an offer of a warm body to help out when help is needed? I have no idea.

But I want to cry.

15 comments:

L said...

Oh, Dy, sorry to hear about your experience.

What is obvious to me that it is their loss. And southern hospitality is a bit overrated, I'm afraid.

It'll come. ((Cheers))

Bridget said...

I'm really sorry to hear about your experience at this church. You would think with only 5 people they would be very excited to have someone volunteer to help out.

Staci Eastin said...

(((Dy)))

I could have written this same post ten years ago when we first moved here. God did lead us to a church where we fit. It's hard for a while, though. Like I said, it'll come.

Amber said...

Wow, that's amazing - how sad. Guess it shows why they are such a small church - too bad they can't see it themselves! (or maybe they just like it that way?)

That is really odd though that they would turn down help like that though, how strange. Like you said, if there's a warm, able and *willing* body usually churches and other community groups are eager to make use of that!

I'm still having a hard time with this whole "you're not from around here" concept. I wonder if the people who espouse this point of view over stop to think about how much they are losing out by being so insular. I guess that would probably take too much introspection. :-)

Anonymous said...

We call those "Us four, no more, shut the door!" churches. Hang in there. God's got just the right place for ya'll. I'll pray that he shows you quickly. :-)

I think I stumbled onto your blog from the WTM boards but I've really been enjoying them.

Hang in there
~Teri in VA

Melora said...

Oh Dy, I'm sorry they were mean (and you are too generous to think it, but they Are mean). With that attitude, they really need to hang out a "Private Church Club -- Stay Out!" sign on their front door. I've been to churches where the Sunday School teachers, kitchen ladies, etc. had pretty well staked out their territories and didn't want others butting in (though they still liked to complain about how they had to do all the work themselves!), but I've never been to a church where people were so rude about it, and where they would say "Our community takes care of this, and You are not part of our community." Not nice at all.

Couldn't your old wonderful pastor make you some recommendations based on ministers he knows from being in the business?

Anonymous said...

Dy,

I'm not really familiar with Alabama geography but our first pastor (when we first became Christians) is now senior pastor at Westminster in Huntsville. I'm not sure how far away that is from you but he was a wonderful pastor. It's a PCA so I'm not sure if that agrees with you theologically but I thought I'd make the suggestion.

I so dislike trying to find a church when new in an area. It's just sooo hard!

Karen

Dy said...

Oh, Karen! GMTA! Westminster is the sister (daughter? parent, perhaps? something - somehow related) church to Our Wonderful Church. They both support the school there at Westminster. We've been driving an hour to go to North Hills Presbyterian in Meridianville, b/c it's "that good". Pastor St. John and Pastor Hammond are just phenomenal, and the congregation is everything you could wish for... only so ver far away. :-(

Melora, our Old Pastor (wait, that looks wrong!) was going to look into some other options, as well. I've got to give him a call today, but I don't think he's come up with anything, either. We've been trying all we can to find a way to make the transition less painful.

Terry, thanks for the note, and the kind words. I'm glad you enjoy visiting here.

Amber, "insular" is the perfect word for it! Yes. Keep trying. If you get your mind wrapped around it, let me know, okay? 'Cuz I'm still having a rough time.

Thanks, guys. Keep praying, if you don't mind. And thank you for coming and being encouraging. God has a plan, even when we're too myopic to see it. I do know that, but it's still difficult not to get discouraged.

Dy

H said...

The first rule of Church Club is - you do not volunteer to clean the Church Club. The second rule of Church Club is - you do NOT volunteer to clean the Church Club. Third rule of Church Club, someone finishes teaching, goes up front, starts preaching, the church has begun. Fourth rule, church and Sunday School will go on as long as they have to. And the eighth and final rule, if this is your first year at Church Club, no commenting about the bugs.

I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. Not all tiny churches are that snubby. God will lead your family to the church He has for you.

Blessings,
Hillary

Anonymous said...

It may comfort you to know that I have visited a few synagogues like that as well.. some places are just too clique-ish .. and it doesn't matter what faith you are. Keep looking.
I would have said something to the pastor though.. let him know how miserable his comment was.

Emily (Laundry and Lullabies) said...

Oh Dy, what a sad experience! Sad for you, and sad for them, too. They don't know what (who!) they're missing. Sad for us all, really, because that sort of behavior reflects SO badly on the Body of Christ. No wonder some people don't like Christians - they knew all the wrong ones. :(

Praying for you and your family in your church search. It isn't fun, but I know you'll find a wonderful church home.

melissa said...

Don't walk, RUN! But, then you already know that.

Bob and Claire said...

Wow, Dy, I've been catching up on your blog, and I was so sad to read about your church experience. Ummm, yeah, VTC has some major issues. I think you'd have to go there for 10 years to break into that kind of "community"! So very sad. I will also pray that the Lord will quickly show you where He wants you to be. VTC doesn't realize the tremendous gifts you all have that they will be missing out on!

Anonymous said...

Dy,

I am so sorry you are experiencing these difficulties. There are many people who travel an hour to come to our church because it is *that good* too. I understand that and we have done it. It was (and is, IMO) worth it.

Hugs to you!!

Warmly,
Kate

Anonymous said...

Geez! They're never going to grow like that. BTDT, unfortunately. I hope you can find happiness somewhere soon.