Ok, Renee brought up a good point. It takes a certain person to handle living in Alabama, and if you're not that certain person and are thinking of moving here and screwing it up like you did your own state that you can't wait to run from, well, don't.
So how do you know if you're "a certain person"? It's easy. If you're thinking of moving to Alabama, here are a few things we'd like you to know before you make your decision:
Only I-65 is paved. Every other road in the entire state is gravel and oppossum.
Shod children are verbotten. They took our shoes when we arrived.
The ground is infested with hook worms, and your now barefooted children will come down with them.
But you won't notice because you'll be too busy picking ticks off their little bodies.
There are gators in the Tennessee River. (Seriously.)
You will not be able to understand a single person at the drive-thru, and it's not the microphones. You can't understand 'em at the counter, either.
Taxes are atrocious. Simply atrocious. (And those of you from New Jersy, don't laugh. We just can't afford for them to get NJ-bad before we complain!)
After six months, you won't be able to understand a thing your youngest child says.
If you weren't born in the South, you will never attain Southern Hair. This will mark you forever as a fer'ner and you will be mocked at all public gatherings, eateries, and even in church.
OK, I lied. We have no eateries. Just lots of fried food places. This is cardiac central, here, folks. Run!
When we say folks are "friendly", it's a euphemism for "nosey". And the towns are small to facilitate the corporate knowledge of your. every. move.
The Air and Space Museum is a front, just like Old Tucson. It's not real.
The IMAX there is a bedsheet and a slide projector. (OK, it's probably time for me to just go to bed, isn't it?)
In all seriousness, it does take a special person to feel at home here. Not everyone would love it. I don't think we would have been so excited about it three years ago. But that's why we didn't come three years ago. We have friends we love dearly who would wither up and die if they tried to live here. Just as we nearly withered up and died living on the east coast.
But I jokingly told someone a while back that we just tell everybody that nobody here can read and they're all married to their cousins and you can't get indoor plumbing. She was aghast. I mean truly and wholly offended. To the core of her being. Once I realized she thought I was serious, I felt bad. Although you couldn't probably spot that right-off, what with my giggling and all... Gotta work on those social skills. Or find friends who get my sense of humor so I can quit subjecting these sweet old Southern Belles to it.
And that's just what we did today. (Sweet segue, huh?) The children and I went to the festival and had a lovely time with several other homeschool families. I was the dowdiest mother there (but I'm getting used to that - see #9 above - there is no hope). The kids had a wonderful time. The boys made friends and now desperately want to take Judo classes. Emily got lightly toasted. (Oops. Bad Mommy forgot the sunblock!) Just on her head, though. I don't know what they all thought of us, but we enjoyed the company and felt very comfortable with them. It's starting to feel like "home", and we're beginning to gather "our people".
Met Zorak for supper at the New Moon (cheap Chinese buffet - with a sushi sidebar that James loves), then he took Smidge home while the others and I headed to church. Pioneer Club went wonderfully well (I'm going to miss it when they break for the summer!) and nobody got injured. We've got some really wonderful people there, and it's always a nice time spent enjoying one another.
And now, to bed. Tomorrow's a busy, busy day, but it should be a good one!
Kiss those babies!
~Dy
10 comments:
OMG Dyan I'm laughing hard over here. But then again I get you. I wonder how you would do here, oh you have the required number of kids so you would fit in wonderfully.
My brother worked as an electrician there for a while and he's got a great shirt:
Alabama - Yes, we have electricity.
-Matt
Boy, you are on a roll! *grin*
Glad to hear you had a good day and you and the little ones are starting to find some kindred spirits.
I have to ask... was the sushi deep-fried? LOL
And from what this Midwesterner has heard about the South, you can darn near anything about anybody, as long as you add the phrase, "Bless her heart."
LOL, this is great! And yet we are still seriously considering it, esp. after Bob retires in a year. It still seems so much better than D.C.! : ) Bugs vs. constant traffic . . .hmmm. No contest--bugs! LOL!
We Southerners are a prideful lot and still haven't gotten over losing the "War of Northern Aggression.":)
If it makes you feel better my family has lived in the South for several generations, and I still have not mastered big hair (thank the Lord).
I'm taking notes here, and reporting back to Ed. northern Alabama, northern Georgia, North & South Carolina, and Virginia (and, possibly Arkansas) are the places we are considering IF we ever sell this house.
I think the tick and hook worm situation in Florida would be about equal to what you have if we were in a rural area, and we have alligators for sure. We have no state income tax, so that will be a rude shock in almost any other state we move to.
I'm glad you got a chance to get together with some other homeschool families. I always find that heartening! Sounds like you are really settling in.
Cordially,
Melora
I love it! I'm a Northerner, born and bred but lived a total of 7 years in Mississippi. After the first three years I learned how important it was to never go out in public (even to the Piggly Wiggly) without hair done (mine is short-which made them all think I was a liberal) and full-face makeup. I never did break down and buy the matching windsuit thing, though. Do the northern AL ladies wear those??
Jennifer
heheehe the hair thing goes here in VA too... how do I know? Dh is obsessed with HIS hair. In England it's either too windy or too humid for anyone to care ;)
This is such a funny post, Dy, and so timely! We just watched Sweet Home Alabama and I asked my husband, now what would folks who live there think of this movie? Is any of it true? I mean I am as far to the west as one can get here in CA and have lived here almost my whole life. I have no idea what it is like to live in the south and I feel naive about so much of our country! Anyway, thanks for the laughs. Are you really serious about the hook worms?! Man, that is just scary!
Warmly,
Kate
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