Are You Mocking Me?

Zorak and I joke with one another quite a bit. Sometimes I don't know if he's joking. If it's weird enough, he may just be serious. Many of our jokes, however, rotate around the imaginary Sancha/Sancho. Our standard excuse for missing items around the house is that they've been left at the Sancha's place. (And she'd better wash them before sending them back, too!) But I had an epiphany when the following took place the past week:

I had to go out in public. Since odds are good we'll run into someone who ought not see me in my feral state, I showered and put on clean clothes. Out I went, my small herd of kittens in tow.

Shop, shop, shop. Herd, herd, herd. Pay, do a quick head count, and head home. Yay. We survived.

When I walked in, Zorak hugged me, smiled, and asked if anyone hit on me while I was at the market.

*blink* *blink*

Is he mocking me? I thought to myself. "What?" I asked aloud. (OK, it may have had a bit more inflection, a hint of a mild shriek to it. Seriously, it's not fun to be in drag and get mocked.)
"No, seriously. You're hot!"
(My eyes narrowed with suspicion as I cocked my head to engage the BS-meter.) Perhaps he hired someone to hit on me as a morale booster. A bizarre, warped morale booster...

Then it hit me.

Oh. My. Word. He's SERIOUS. You know what this means? This means I cannot die first. I can't leave him alone to go out there and forage for another wife! I had hopes of getting him betrothed to Thomasina, you know, just in case. But now she's seeing someone and that might make the whole betrothal thing a little hairy. That means he'd be left to his own devices, and do you know what could happen?

Ok, picture this: A personals ad (I'll leave out the abbreviations in case nobody else reads those things just for weirdness sake and isn't familiar with them.)

Do you like moonlit strolls up and down the hall? Do you smell faintly of soured milk and wear stained shirts and men's pants? Do you have enough children to bog down every appendage while out in public? If so, this Widowed Male, father of many, has found his dream woman! I have a job, a home, and a stove that can turn out meals for small armies. Call me. We'll do playdates.

That has become his ideal woman!

What's scarier is that it's ME! Oh, the poor man. What has become of him?

Seriously, what would his options be? Perhaps he'll troll the market, looking for women with slings and white stuff crusted on the slippers they've taken to wearing in public. (Although, in my defense, they do have a rubber sole, and are so comfortable I forget they're slippers.) Stalk La Leche League meetings? Become a midwife in the hope his clients can hook him up? I don't know, but I just can't take chances like that. Better start sucking down the Osteoplex and MSM...

Dy