"Who's torturing hogs in the bleachers? What? It's that little Precious Moments child? What are they DOING to her?"And when the media gets ahold of those people, they'll be the very ones to say,
"They seemed like such a nice, quiet couple."So. She and I stayed home. (Also, slightly less pressing, but in the spirit of full disclosure, my rear hurts and I'm tired, I don't have the snack-bag packed, I don't have any 3T clothes to take for the Little Red-Haired Girl to change into, and I didn't wanna go! There you have it; I am not up for being SuperMom, or SuperAnythingElse. Sorry.)
Obviously, if Zorak hadn't been home, or had a horrible accident on the way home and was in full body traction, yeah, I'd have gone. And I think that's my problem. Not that I'd have gone, but I feel guilty about not going. I always feel guilty about not going, even when my presence is not required. Even when I leap joyfully through the air as they pull onto the road, leaving me behind. I feel like I'm... well, not doing what I ought to be doing.
They left. EmBaby and I ate strawberries and chatted a while. Then she yawned. I know that yawn. In one fluid movement, I swiped her, changed her, dropped a nightgown over her head, and brushed her teeth. She was too confused to resist. We read a bit, and then I laid her down.
And then...
And then...
And then I wanted to come blog and hang out. I wanted to go read books in bed and eat chocolate. But I didn't. Partly because we don't have any chocolate (hard to buy that under the radar when all of them are with you, and wide awake). Mostly, though, because I FEEL GUILTY if I do nothing while they're gone. I feel as though, when Zorak returns from having taken the children away for a while, I need to have a clean home, fresh tea, a dead mouse to lay at his feet. Something. Something that says, "See? I didn't abandon you. I've been industrious and worthy while you were gone." (Please note: he didn't do this to me. He'd be glad for me if I'd just lay down and sleep. Or read. Really, he understands that sometimes a body just has to stop moving. No, this is aaaalllll me.)
So I cleared the dinner table, cleaned the kitchen, tidied the pantry, put the whites in the wash, cleaned up the bathroom, tidied our room, pulled all the curtains, gathered the bills to be paid, and made Zorak's lunch for tomorrow. The house wasn't dirty to begin with - it's not like I had a lot of work to do. But, I found work until some (previously unknown) internal mechanism kicked in that said, "OK, you've done enough. You can relax now."
Where did that come from? And how do I make it go away? Or should I make it go away? (It's quite possible this sensation is the only thing keeping me from collapsing into a Very Lazy Coma the second I'm left unattended, and I acknowledge that.)
It's disturbing to think that any of my good, productive habits have been formed from guilt. But then, entire nations have been build upon guilt and they lasted a lot longer than I'm likely to... so, there's that. It's just so completely foreign to me, as I know me to be. I don't get it. I just don't. But the house sure feels good now, and I think I'm going to go read for a bit. (I didn't say this quirk is without perks, did I? Just that it's a little jarring at first.)
Kiss those babies (and that one is never done out of guilt!)
Dy












