Friday, April 4

So Vulnerable

No, not the baby. Me. One of the drawbacks to being up at three in the morning and not having cable is that you're limited to infomercials for entertainment.

Normally, I'm able to think about these things rationally. I wouldn't ever actually use the Total Gym, and they have yet to convince me that having one lying on my bedroom floor would help me look more like Christie Brinkley (or, heaven help me, Chuck Norris).

I do start to break down a bit when Ron comes on (dear, familiar Ron, a true infomercial pioneer) to tell me all about his latest do-dad for the kitchen. "Set It and Forget It" sounds so... handy, so nice, doesn't it? But, isn't that what crockpots are for? And doesn't that require remembering the "set it" portion at some point *before* you've got to be out the door? Yeah... meh. I'll just keep my crockpot and the guilt that accompanies never using it. At least that's paid for.

But at three in the morning, my defenses break down. I'm not thinking rationally. After half an hour, I. Want. One. Of. These. Never mind that I've never paid $80 for anything to clean my floors (not even my beloved RIDGID Shop Vac - which we got on sale, and was not a paid advertisement purchase, anyway). Never mind that I might mop, oh, um, whenever someone who cleans more than I do is going to come over (and we pick our friends wisely - the few we have who do clean more than I do, are worth mopping for!) Forget, for the moment, that we have water hard enough to cut diamonds, and the thing would probably die a painful, calcified death in less than a year (a month, if you use the thing like normal people - but we pro-rate our cleaning deaths, here). None of that matters. I want one. It even does grout. And I've been avoiding the grout issue for a while...

Fortunately, I don't have my debit card number memorized, and I'm too lazy to go find it, or we'd have a slew of strange purchases I'd have to explain to Zorak in the light of day, winging their way to us right now. Thank heaven for small mercies, huh?

Kiss those babies!
~Dy

10 comments:

Staci Eastin said...

"Water hard enough to cut diamonds." *snort*

Jenni said...

I can't watch infomercials. It doesn't matter what they're selling, I end up wanting it. I've only bought something twice, but it takes a lot of will power and mental energy not to buy all that crap, and I figure I could be using that somewhere else.

Would you like some barely used face goo that is guaranteed to make you stay as young looking as Victoria Principle? (How old is she, anyway?) I've got some taking up space in my bathroom drawer. That was a wise purchase seeing I can't remember to wash and moisturize my face half the time and beauty regimens are at the bottom of the list of regimens I wish I could follow more faithfully.

The little belt that was supposed to shock my addomen into shape while I ate ice cream and watched TV was only bought after my mom told me she read in The New England Journal of Medicine that it worked. If I hadn't heard about the lawsuit, I never would have known whether or not it did what it was supposed to. Turns out I don't like being zapped.

The Ronco food dehydrator doesn't count because my mom, who is more of a sucker than I am for infomercials, bought it for me. It worked okay for a while, but there was no good way to clean it.

Oh well, watching infomercials is better for you than watching Jerry Springer.

Anonymous said...

The best of John Denver was one of my purchases. Sadly, I did have my card number memorized. Now I'll go run and from the shame of it all!

H said...

The only thing I've ever purchased from an infomercial is a set of Richard Simmons VHS tapes - a workout set to disco msuic. I think it was called "Disco Sweat??"

I learned my lesson (and the lyrics to a lot of disco songs!) and haven't made any more purchases.

Anonymous said...

LOLOL - when we all had the flu we watched a lot of infomercials. I still want the Tater Mitts. Amy @ thefoilhat.com

Anonymous said...

Too funny! I turned on the TV this morning to find PBS Kids and ended up watching the same infomercial for about 10 minutes! I want one, too!
Jennifer

pilgrimama said...

So funny. Thankfully,I usually decide the explaining or asking husband factor is not worth the item.Otherwise,we probably would have some interesting looking products taking up space here.
MaRCELLA

Melora said...

Thank goodness indeed!
It's been several years since I've seen late night tv, but Travis occasionally watches some station that shows stuff like Beverly Hillbillies and Star Trek (the Captain Kirk ones, with the color coded uniforms), and They show a lot of those adds. He always comes to me, all excited about how we HAVE to buy some spy gear (as if) or some fabulous diet plan (humph!). Even in the very fair light of late afternoon, that boy is So Gullible. I keep my credit card hidden.

melissa said...

Maybe you could ask for Direct TV and TIVO as a baby shower gift??? LOL. I'm just catching up on all the posts and the ADORABLE pictures! We just started ball practice. *Jack is pitching* Pass the flask.

Spinneretta said...

Maybe try an audiobook instead? :)
Then there is always You Tube... ;) I can catch up on some shows on there *grin*
I have to say what a beautiful baby... and belated congratulations (I knew I should have kept up with reading all my blogs!!)