Change in Plans

I truly believe that in order to be happy, you have to remain focused on the goals, on what's important and what really matters. You have to be flexible to meet those needs and be willing to change direction to keep the important things together. Today revealed a pretty interesting twist in the plot, and it looks like we will need to sit down and rethink our entire plan for the future.

The property we looked at today is beautiful. The view is breathtaking, and the house is actually the most beautiful thing we've seen in a long, long time. The boys loved the hilly yard, the play area, the swimming pool. John and Smidge played the entire time we were there.

James also ran about, climbing and playing and laughing... for about five minutes. Then his eyes began to water and he said he'd like to wait in the Suburban. I got him settled into the Suburban, gave him some Benadryl and a book, then went back to keep an eye on the other two boys. I checked on him a few minutes later and his eyes were doing that thing again. We knew he had developed allergies, but nothing this drastic has happened since the one incident in New Mexico nearly two years ago. The ER doctor at the time had called it "an incredibly violent reaction to something". Today made incident number two, only it was a bit more violent; this time it was both eyes. The whites of his eyes swelled up and had that translucent, gelatinous texture again. They both had swelled up over the cornea; the left eyeball had begun to overlap the lower lid, and his eyelids were so puffy they had no crease at all. He could still breathe, but said his throat itched down inside. I swooped him out of the Suburban and headed into the house to wash him off, yelling up the hill for Zorak, "His eye is doing that thing again. We need to leave immediately!" We're both very thankful today wasn't the first time it ever happened! We'd have thrown the Suburban in 4LO and hit the hospital trailing fences and cattle parts from cutting straight across fields.

Bless his heart, on the way into the house James said, "Mom, if we move here, I will feel like this all the time." I know, Baby. We won't move here. We aren't doing this to make anybody suffer, and we'll find the right place for all of us. He told the realtor, "This isn't what I normally look like. I generally look much better than this." *my heart broke*

That was at three. It's 9:14 now. His left eye is still mostly swollen shut, and he's been asleep since six. We gave him as much Benadryl as we could, checked with a pharmacist, and that's about all we can do.

Obviously, it doesn't seem this boy is cut out for the pastoral life in the country. I don't know what we need to do. Neither of us wants to make him live the rest of his days ingesting antihistamines just so he can go about his work. Like every parent, we want as few obstacles in our children's way as possible. But obstacles will come. Some minor, some enormous. Our job isn't to try to keep them all out of the way, but to teach the boys how to leap each hurdle; they need to be able to gauge the ones they see coming, and react quickly to the ones they don't see coming. Therein lies our only power, and we hope the boys will learn from this that life is good, no matter what direction you're heading, as long as you can keep in sight the things that are important. (Those things will change course with you, too, when you work together.)

I hate this. Zorak hates this. We hate seeing our baby - no matter how big he is now, he still seems so small when something like this happens - suffering and know we can't make it go away. We can't "fix it" - right now. He's so patient and has such fortitude about the whole endeavor.

Tomorrow I'll call Dr. Jarvis (the NMD here) and see if we can get in earlier than the appointments we have. We will also track down a local honey source and get him taking that, as well as increase our water intake. It's going to be OK - better than OK. I do have to say, though, that it's much easier to say that when my baby is tucked safely into our bed, sleeping peacefully (and breathing rhythmically!), and showing improvement. I worry about the boys' eyes so much, and this strikes at the heart of many of our fears. But it will be ok.

Anyhow, we're off to look at alternatives, ideas and options!

Kiss those babies!
~Dy