Friday's Update

I am not sure what part of "Can you do loans in Alabama?" translates to, "We're in Lincoln County, Tennessee," but evidently I have a scrambler in my larynx that causes this confusion. Probably ought to have a doctor look at that.

So, this leaves us with the best bet so far now unable to help us. He directed us to another guy we talked to previously, who this guy says "can" do the same thing (although it's interesting that he didn't mention that in our conversations... would've been handy).

Zorak has been talking to a lady in Birmingham who he is excited about. I talked to her briefly and realized that while I still talk too fast for the local folks, I have definitely slowed down a bit and three minutes on the phone with this woman were enough for me to happily let Zorak handle that one. Ugh. How strange.

On the plus side, I did find a termite and bug place that I love. These folks were wonderful and didn't insist on wrangling a trip to the site before giving me any information at all about their process or products. What a relief!

OK, I'm off to recalibrate, eat some lunch, and dive back in.

This will be ok. This will be ok. This will be ok. It would also be nice if it didn't kill me in the process, but this will be ok.

I cannot get sick.

I refuse.

Yet, it's one-thirty and I'm up. I can't get comfortable enough to sleep.

I've been laid up on the couch, puking, moaning and shivering since shortly after my last phone call of the day. This feels like the flu, but with some kind of beating on top of it.

Zorak brought me a crackers and water, made me a "sick jug", rubbed my aching legs and feet, and made fun of me.

I've been on the phone so much today, trying to find someone to do this, that I have run down the batteries on both cell phones and our land phone. All three - dead. Both cells phones were charged, run down, fully recharged and run back down to empty. That is, my friends, a long time on the phone.

But was it worth it, you ask? I don't know. I'd like to think so. I'd like to think there is a law of averages for every "no" that brings us just that much closer to the one "yes" we need. And I am going to cling to that thought with the desperate hope Leo didn't show in Titanic. OK, I might take the dive if I was getting paid that much to do it, but still... it was the best I could come up with in my current condition.

I'm working on an upbeat post. Well, two, actually. The first one I'd like to post will probably include graphics of various people in states of ecstasy - leaping, weeping, and kissing strangers. They might be actual pictures of me, accosting total stranger with my joy over getting a loan. BUT, the back up post includes the funny things that have happened along the way. There have been smiles, there has been laughter that isn't creepy. It's all still good, even right now in the dark of the night with what feels like the result of letting an accupuncturist in the lower 2% of his class practice for finals... and I will share them with you when the fog clears.

Oh, guys, it's not the little things. Not the details. Not the laundry or the broken dishes or the planning. Those things do need attention, but not an inordinate amount of attention. Tomorrow morning, we have to hit the mortgage pavement bright 'n early, get just a little farther down the path. Then it will be out of our hands for a while, and we are going to grab those babies and love on them like they're heading off to college tomorrow. We're going to just soak up the giggles and snuggles, and even take the boundary testing with a grain of salt and a teaspoon of sugar (or perhaps an alcoholic-based tincture, but hey, it's a teaspoon). We are going to spend the day reminding ourselves why we're even attempting this project.

Kiss those babies!
Dy

Coming Clean for Donna's Sake

Ok, so Donna doesn't feel bad, I'll come clean about this, too.

We're not married. Not according to the State of New Mexico, anyway. Not according to the First Church of the Nazarene, either (I called today - the pastor didn't even record it in the church's log - thanks, Buddy!). Also checked with PAX, and they didn't make copies, so although they saw the certificate, they cannot verify that they saw it.

Funny, isn't it. For the record, I will think horrible thoughts on the first person to ask what else can happen! So just - don't say it! I don't want to know what else could happen. Just do not want to know. *shhhhhh*

Um, on the upside, we do have photographs from both the wedding and the reception. Some are a little compromising, but that's fine. Allow me to apologize to all of the groomsmen in advance: sorry, guys. And, if we absolutely have to, we can lock the kids on the patio with water and beef jerkey to keep them out of the way while we open every. single. box. in storage to find our marriage certificate.*

We still feel married. That counts, doesn't it?

On the home front, the sellers have countered, but we can't reply until we hear back. Mtg. Guy 1 said at ten this morning that he'd know for sure "in fifteen minutes". It's 12:40 now... and he's stopped answering his phone. That's probably not a good sign.

I'm now offering a side of beef from our first cow to any mortgage lender who can get this through! Any takers? Any mortgage lenders out there reading inane blogs on their lunch hour? Hey, stranger things have happened!

Kiss those babies!
~Dy

*of course I'm joking!*

The longest 24 hours so far

Well, as of last night at nine-thirty, the heirs still had not given the realtor an answer. She called us just to let us know she wasn't ignoring us. She'd spoken to a wife at four thirty who said they would call her after six. When she called us that evening, she'd also left two later messages with them, since they had 24 hours to reply.

However, we aren't planning to have a fit because we would sure like to find out what's going on with the financing issues. So, in its weird way, I suppose this is a good thing. This is what we might call, "Mixed blessings..." you know, in a sick, self-defeating sort of way...

But boy, this has been a long 36 24 hours!

Kiss those babies!
~Dy

Why not? (House stuff)

Well, remember that I wrote yesterday that we were approved for a loan on the Forever Home? Yeah. Strike that. I mean, we're still approved. We're good-to-go. But not on that property. Or, rather, not that much property. They won't do a mortgage at X-amount for the full acreage, but might do it for the same money on a third of the acreage... I'm not sure where the hold up is or what is to be done about it. To be honest, I don't see the logic in this process and neither do any of the loan officers I've spoken with today.

My morning began with this phone call:

Mtg. Guy 2: Hi, Mrs. E. I need to get more information from you about this property. I don't know why, but it seems we can't do 84 acres. We can do 30, if the owners will gift you the remaining acreage...

Me: What?

Mtg. Guy 2: Well, it seems we just can't do a mortgage for a house with that much land on it.

Me: Not even for a farm loan?

Mtg. Guy 2: No. It's too much land. I really don't know what the problem is.

Me: Well, that's ok. I appreciate your call, but Mtg. Guy 1 at Company A said we can do it, so we'll go with them.

Mtg. Guy 2: Um, that's who told me we can't.

Me: Guy 1?!?

Mtg. Guy 2: No, some other guy, from the Birmingham office of Company A. He's in charge of what we can do, and he's the one who said that 30 acres is the best we can do on this.

Me: Um... let me call Mtg. Guy 1 and see if he knows anything about this. I'll get back with you.

The next five hours are a series of phone calls to Company A, Companies C through Q, realtor, Jess, the pastor, and Zorak. There was a half hour hyperventilation break in there somewhere.

I finally tracked Mtg. Guy 1 down somewhere in Tennessee, on his cell phone. He's baffled. He has no clue why they wouldn't do it, either. They didn't tell him it can't be done when he submitted it yesterday.

As of four thirty, Mtg. Guy 1 was going to make some phone calls and get back with me. (Still waiting on that, but the business day is over.) Mtg. Guy 2 is waiting to hear back from me what happens with this. Mtg. Guy 3 has three messages on his voice mail. Mtg. Guy 4 has two messages.

Meanwhile, the realtor is supposed to call us tonight with the reply from the heirs about our offer. WEEEEEEEE!!!

As a business decision, this is a no-brainer. Consider the following:
* The property appraises at approximately 12% over the asking loan value. So, there's equity right off the bat, just for carrying the note.
* There's no money in the loan for capital improvements; all improvements are to be paid by the buyer, cash out of our pocket (which has been verified to actually exist). Again, capital improvements with no investment by the bank. Another bonus.
* In three months, that house will appraise at approximately 2/3 more than its current value. (We believe we can double the value, but we can actually guarantee 2/3 increase from the work we will put into it.)
* our credit rating is strong
* Zorak's income more than qualifies to cover the payments. (And on a morbid note, if he dies, he's insured.)
* This is a long-term investment by people who have a 20 year plan; people who have already achieved a seven-year plan in six years. We aren't talking slackers, here.

This is a win-win business deal for the bank. So where is the bank that will take this money-maker and run with it? Anyone? Anyone?

Ugh. So I guess my job now is to find The Guy Who Makes These Decisions and talk with him. In person.

Kiss those babies, and pass the Rescue Remedy.
Dy

Overdue House Hunting Yarn

Have a seat, kids, and let me tell you the tale of the House Hunt of '05. It's a tale of big adjustments, bad timing, and strange characters. I'll leave it up to you to decide what's what...

Oh, nevermind. I'll just cut to the chase. Things have been cruising along and progress has been made, but truthfully, it's been at a painfully uninteresting pace. Nothing like blog entry after blog entry along the lines of,

"Saw eighteen properties tonight. Five with the headlights on high-beam, and the folks at Game and Fish may be getting suspicious. Down payment or bond money? Only time will tell. Boys slept in the car. Smidge goes longer between diaper changes on these excursions than any child we've ever seen, yet his skin is quite healthy. It must be the slime from sweat and oil that coats us daily. Still nothing that screams, 'Buy Me!'. Or at least not to both of us at the same time. Will try again Friday."

Or, increasingly as of late, they'd look like this:

Kill me now. Dear God, please just make it end.

Mostly, other than tripling the mileage on our vehicle while we stalk the county roads, it's been a lot of calling, emailing, and waiting. "Did you find the missing well yet?" That's been a common theme. And then there's the ever popular, "So are you actually going to send us a plat? Would you like us to just come get it? We can come get it. Honest."

Through all of this, though, one property has been "the one". Zorak knew it, and I knew it, but neither of us was willing to admit it just yet. Zorak, because it's a mighty big leap that will leave us with a very small parachute. He wanted to be certain he was thinking properly and not just trying to smush us all into some way for him to live out his post-apocalyptic fantasies. Me, because... because this property scares the living snot out of me. It's the property with the "not just no, but he-- no" house on it. You remember, the one that would be condemned in most third world countries as unfit for habitation? That one.

But, over the weekend, upon viewing the last six properties on the market short of moving into town, we had our epiphany. This is probably the one. It's the best bet for what we want to do. It has no chance of being annexed into any city in the next fifty years. It is less than an hour's drive for Zorak, and it already has fencing. Housing? We don' need no stinkin' housing! We got a reciprocating saw and plumber's tape, man.

We've finagled and figured (and kinda swore a little, here and there) and came to the conclusion that we could live in the apartment for a month while we rehabilitated the house to make it safe enough to put a family in. We aren't shooting for pretty yet, just safe. It's gonna be hot, and it's gonna be scary, but it can be done. And we decided we're the ones just stupid enough er, equipped to do it.

So today we finalized the loan approval and put in an offer. It was a good offer. They'd have jumped on it a month ago. Unfortunately, one of the heirs just had the property reappraised and it came in about 27K over the list price. (The DEA really needs to check up on that appraiser...) One of the heirs has now forgotten that this property has sat, idle, for a year and a half; that the house needs to be set on fire or filmed for a nature documentary on the ecosystem of insects, fungi, and wild dogs; that everyone who is involved with maintaining the property is on disability for "back problems" and nobody's taking care of it... all that heir sees now is dollar signs and he wants to raise the list price. One of the others wants to take the offer and be done with it. The third is willing to take the offer, but is being swayed by the entrepreneur of the bunch to counter. They've got until tomorrow afternoon to decide how they'll respond.

This may be the longest 24 hours of our lives. Hopefully, the real adventure will begin soon! I'll let ya know what happens.

Kiss those babies!
~Dy

Well, hi there!

Zorak gave me the computer last night when he finished his stuff, but the couch had already sucked me into its vortex. There was no moving.

We did a marathon househunting run yesterday, 6 properties, all after four PM. Poor kids. It went fairly well, and we did find two potential "back-up" properties I need to call on today. However, I think we are pretty much decided to put in an offer and see what happens on one of the places we've looked at before.

This week should be interesting. Zorak voluntarily offered to "really try to communicate during this..." Oh? What brought that on, Love? "Well, you know," he said. "This is the kind of thing that really has potential. I mean, bodies disappear during projects like this. So, I want you to know I'll actually really try to communicate with you on this process."

I'm encouraged, and yet...

The boys are doing the basic three with school: math, reading/writing, Latin. (I know, that looks like four, but not the way we do it.) Then it's off to the pool each day. Lessons begin on August 2nd! WooHoo! This is as close to enjoying summer as it's gonna get, folks. Here we go!

Wish us luck, and happy thoughts! We're going to need it this week!

And always kiss those babies!
~Dy

Tigger is Dangerous, but Life is Good

At least if he's on a Zebco kids' fishing combo. Turns out they used lead paint on the ones sold from some time in 2001 until "March 2005"... um, wasn't lead paint determined to be dangerous... and not a good choice for children's products... oh, a looooong time ago? Huh. I wonder who forgot to tell the guys who got the contract for that job? Anyway, Zebco is voluntarily recalling the poles and we've joined in our first child-related recall. Not bad, considering we're on child number four in seven years, really.

It was 100'F today. I haven't had the fortitude to peek at the humidity. Let's just say, we stayed in. The boys made cards. We played with the pipes and legos. We ate chili dogs and watched a movie together. I napped on the couch with a warm, snuggly Smidge - and then Zorak napped on the floor with a warm, snuggly John (aka - the 50 pound electric blanket). It was just nice.

I have to confess, we feel like we're getting away with something here. We get so much out of watching the boys conspire to save the world, from holding those tiny (and growing) hands to say grace before a meal, from sharing jokes all around between bites, and hearing the boys ask to hear about this-or-that: how does this work, what is that for, is there such a thing as... Sitting cross-legged on the floor, piles of children everywhere, eating popcorn and taking turns telling or reading stories... Zorak and I look at one another and giggle like teenagers with inside jokes. How did we get so lucky? Not all days are full-to-the-brim with things like that, but if we take the time to look, we see that every day has at least one of those things. Most days have more than one. Then days like today are just one after another until we want to go roll in the grass like happy dogs, with that full-body wiggle that denotes utter happiness.

Kiss those babies!
~Dy

The 9 o'clock news, broadcast from our porch.

Rumors are flying right now amidst allegations that the Zorak clan has found a groove. Independent sources are claiming that it's actually more of a rut, but the spokesman for the household went on record as saying, "You say to-may-to... eh, who cares?" We'll update as more information comes available.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to Melissa and Race!! Our staff is anxiously awaiting the anniversary where she posts that they've been together (or even in the same state) for more anniversaries than they have been apart. In the meantime, here's a toast to you and Race for keeping it together for fifteen years, keeping it strong, and loving one another through it! Congratulations, guys!

Somewhere in Northern Alabama, an *ahem* unidentified woman was heard to mutter into her cell phone, "Tell me this 'six' thing does not extend past the seventh birthday." The recipient's reply was drowned by the unidentified woman's wailing and the distinct sound of tearing sackcloth. We repeat, this woman has no identifying marks, is completely indistinguishable from every other mother of six year old children everywhere. Analysts without children tried to comment, but were beaten from their podiums by an angry mob of analysts with children. No charges have been filed.

Zorak has announced, "He just won't shut up!" Yes, folks, he's hit John Galt's 39-page monologue in Atlas Shrugged (page count has been confirmed by independent sources, not affiliated with any political party or persuasion). It seems Mr. Galt had a lot to say to make up for his absence in the first 98% of the story.

Mr. Incredible is quoted as saying, in response to Zorak's outburst, that he, "Could have escaped by now..."

In today's health and family, "Small Children Fry Quickly". This is not a recipe. It is a warning: don't change swim suit styles on your toddler mid-way through swim season. Thank you.

And since I just had to go and have a birthday while Zorak was gone, he bestowed me with a belated birthday gift upon his return. That's all the news worth sharing, folks. I am off to enjoy the calgonesque effects of reading with tonight's selections: Alexander Hamilton: A Biography (Forrestt McDonald) and my new birthday book, It Takes A Family (Rick Santorum).

Kiss those babies!
~Dy