Living Intentionally

(Have I used that title before? I think I've officially run out of things to say!)

Right, like that's going to stop me.

Anyhow, tonight, after an excruciating arsenic hour involving a red clay mudfight, greasy grout, and poop, I collapsed on the porch, my quivering hands around a scalding hot cup of coffee, and sighed. Quite loudly, might I add. (It could have been a stifled scream from the heat, but I'm pretty sure it was just a rigorous sigh.)

This is one of those nights I am absolutely exhausted, pummeled by the day and all that it presented. Yet the day is now done. The boys are in bed (well, most of them are in bed, Smidge seems to have gone Nomadic tonight). It's over. There are no more do-overs for today - for them, or for me. Whether I was prepared for today or not, it happened. It is now part of their lives, their memories, and their heritages. Did I blow it? Possibly. Could I have handled today differently? Certainly. Does any of that change the fact that these days come, and we know they'll come? No. So what do we do about it?

I think we need to live intentionally. That's the best thing we can do about it. We know (*know*) that each day will begin, whether we're prepared for it or not. We know that there will be meals to cook, disagreements to mediate, spills to mop, tasks to accomplish, and brows to kiss. The question is whether we are going to let the day propel us from one incident to another with nary a breath in between, or if we are going to accept that the day will come, embrace it, prepare for it, and do it on purpose, making sure that the direction of the day is guided by some force other than Chaos. (OK, that goal may be a bit lofty - let's shoot for "more days than not", shall we?)

Have you ever been to a beach that had waves? I'm talking surfing-style waves, here. If you don't know the waters, and haven't any idea which end is up on a surfboard, you don't want to just flail into the surf and hope for the best. There's stuff under that water that will rip. you. apart. And the waves don't stop coming, either. Whether you're on your feet or upside down with a chunk of coral jammed up your nose, here comes another wave. Once you're caught in the cycle unaware, it goes from awkward to painful to downright terrifying in just a few good washes over your tumbled head. Yet if you stand on the beach and watch the surfers get out there (or happen to be a surfer yourself), it's a whole different ballgame. They head out, intentionally, aware of what they're up against and familiar with the terrain. They know they could get knocked on their hind ends. They expect to, once in a while. But that's not the point: they've chosen to wade in and make the most of it. And they have a blast! I don't know about y'all, but I could learn a thing or two about that application.

I've fallen prey to one of the things I detest the most: the victim mentality. Ugh. It's disgusting. It's counterproductive. It does nothing to improve the situation, and still the days come, one after another. I know this. Yet I caved, anyway, and now we're all paying the price.

So here's my proposal: live intentionally. I will wake up accepting that whatever comes, I will need to don some form of support garment at some point in the day, so I'll just do it straight away and get that bit of tedium over with. I will go to bed the night before prepared to do that in the most pleasant way possible, rather than slumping into bed praying the alarm doesn't wake the boys in the morning. As a matter of fact, I think I'll lay out a clean cup by the coffee pot just as a little "good morning" treat.

I will set aside stories tonight that I would like to share with the boys tomorrow. I will think ahead of at least one thing they would enjoy doing that doesn't fall into the "taskmaster" category. I will talk with them over breakfast about our day, its plans and aims, and see if they have anything they'd like to add. Children can be wonderfully insightful, when we give them the chance.

I will provide the time to do the things that need to be done, but not in the sense that we often think of things that "need to be done". Not the wash. Not the scrubbing of the grout. Not that thing growing in the back of the fridge. The things that need, truly need, to be done: sharing the kitchen with the boys, making our reading together time a serious priority (possibly over meals, if necessary - we can always eat after the next chapter, or snack during an extra chapter), leaving early enough to stop at the park after our trip to the library.

If it's important, you make time for it. Time will continue its plodding pace with no regard for what we think we need to do, so we need to be intentional and precise about what we are going to do - and then do it.

These are things I know. I've known them for years. I've believed in them for years. I've lived them for years. What happened? I guess I didn't see one of those waves. And I forgot to pay attention, so it got more difficult to get my footing in the shifting sands. I probably stubbed my shin on some coral, too. None of this is irreparable, and none of it is drastic or traumatic. But you wouldn't guess that to look at me lately. And that, my friends, was not intentional. ;-)

So here is to tomorrow morning and a day that I cannot control, but one I can prepare for and welcome as it arrives. I might still end up screaming on my keister by suppertime tomorrow, but it won't have been a day-long fall to get there if I do. And the next day, it will be easier as we all remember what it's like to live intentionally.

Kiss those babies!
~Dy

BIG knot - right in the middle of my stomach

Today the Mold Inspector goes out to test the air quality of the Forever Home. Please say a prayer that it passes. Since the results take 48 hours, we won't know until Wednesday, and if it doesn't pass, there won't be time to re-test in time for a closing on Friday.

Did I mention that knot is HUGE?

Thanks,
Dy

Not Every Day is Exciting, but There Are Always Books

The problem with great stories - the stories that get listeners or readers howling with laughter, swearing with empathy, or nodding (in agreement or dissent) - is that they are parenthetical to the day-to-day living that makes up "life". As we know it. Live it. And, hopefully, love it. They punctuate the landscape, but do not generally make up the bulk of it. They don't offer the structures that shelter us from the elements so much as the view out the window, or the decoration at the ends of the bookshelves rather than the books themselves. I think that's is why stand-up comedy routines are seldom longer than four or five minutes. It's takes a lot of "life" to build up a one-hour act.

This reality makes it difficult to keep up the pace when one comes in contact with others through writing or story-telling. Particularly on a daily basis. You look back at the day and think,

"Well, breakfast was nice. Nobody puked, nobody stuck their fingers in hot bacon grease, and I used the leftover baked potatoes from last night's supper to make hash browns."

Technically, breakfast was a success. Practically speaking, it would make much better blogfodder if someone had thrown up in the grits, or if some other bodily malfunction had come into play. Thankfully, those stories don't come along every day.

Some days are just quiet. Most days, I hope, will be quiet days. They don't make for riotous laughter from the peanut gallery, but I'm okay with that. In spite of the large, gaping blank spot they provide for me at day's end. (Must the cursor blink? As if I don't know it's still sitting in the upper left-hand corner of my screen!) This is when it's nice to turn to the other things that make up who we are and what gets us from one great story to another: the meat of daily living.

I had hoped to write some of the wonderful quotes from Freedom & Necessity as I came across them. I do not, howver, have a reading journal on hand (and have no desire to begin one in the middle of this-particular-spot-in-life), so they never made it here. I'm sorry. You must get the book, though, and read it yourself if you get the chance. I abhor (and I use that word in its weightiest sense) Victorian-era stories, as a general rule, but the characters in this story were so well-written, so well-developed, so deliciously human that I found myself in love with them.

The scarf is coming along nicely. The directions insist that when it is washed (and blocked - they make assumptions, here...) that it will "look like crushed velvet". I will be happy if it shrinks enough to hide the few holes that seem to crop up as I progress. One particular quote in this little booklet, though, brought me a smile. These folks seem to "get it":

A yarn over is the basis for most lace patterns and is very simple to make. In fact, many new knitters make yarn overs by accident (but in those cases it's called a hole, not lace).

The boys shared three wishes tonight at supper. (I took this idea from Melissa, whose family plays "High and Low" at dinner - each person shares his or her high point and low point of the day. We modified it to just playing any type of round robin game: Thanks, where you thank each person at the table for something he did today; Three Wishes, where each person gets to think up three, well, wishes; Joys, listing the things that make you feel joyful that day; Dreams, each sharing something they would like to do in the next month... the ideas are endless, and the boys enjoy it.)

Smidge pretty much wished we'd just leave him alone and let him sleep, so we let him pass on coming up with two more.

John wished:
1) To be a grown man, like Daddy
2) To be married to a woman
3) The woman he marries must "have a golden star on her forehead"

(This contingency seems to have come from Lang's "The Twelve Brothers" story from The Red Fairy Book, in which a very loyal pricess is described thus: She was kind-hearted and of a fair countenance, and she had a gold star right in the middle of her forehead. It's an amazing story, and my heart just burst at the idea that he claimed this girl as a model of womanhood. I'm quite stunned, as we haven't read that story in months.)

James' wishes were:
1) To be able to be a grown up or a child as he chose.
2) To live forever and travel between Heaven and earth at will.
3) Unlimited wishes for the future.

Wow. Good call, although I don't know that he'd want to come back once he got there. The idea of time travel hit him about 45 seconds after the discussion ended, and when we told him "nope, just three wishes", he replied giddily, "but my last wish was for unlimited wishes, so I can add time travel."

We might have a home next week, but we have each other tonight. What more could I honestly wish for? (OK, and to be completely upfront, Zorak and I have both read The Monkey's Paw, so we refrained from joining in the game tonight. Some suspicions are just too hard to break. *grin*) And people think what we read doesn't affect us? P'shaw!

Read something uplifting, encouraging, bolstering, thought-provoking, and great!
And kiss those babies!
~Dy

*smile*

This day was truly delicious. I have laughed at the boys. Laughed with the boys. The boys have laughed at me, with me, and at one another. We've adjusted bikes and prepped a pumpkin for baking tomorrow. We've read and read and read. I've laughed myself silly over this incredibly addicting book I'm reading (and it's *gasp* fiction!) We came inside only to eat, and it was heavenly.

Zorak came home this afternoon as we were on our way to the park to meet friends. (The wind pushed them -?- and they made much better time than they'd anticipated. OK, this is like telling me you just did 110 on the Interstate and "made good time"... don't tell me these things! Don't tell me you flew the plane. Don't tell me it took half the time to get home as it did to get there. Don't tell me you did not stop for gas!! Do. Not. Share. This. With. Me. Thankyou.) So, anyway, being home and in one piece, he joined us. That was quite nice. (May I just point out here that a daddy playing patiently on the playground with a child, particularly the daddy of your child, is SUCH a sight for sore eyes! Ok, so back to the blogging...)

The park play area is huge and wonderful for children, but it's a visual-contact nightmare for parents. If your child is more than five feet from you, he is hidden. It was a community project park, and while it's definitely gorgeous, egads, people! Even the folks at Circle K (convenience stores) know not to put visual blocks in front of the people who need to see what's going on. SO. Between the three of us (Zorak, myself, and our friend), we were able to keep an eye on the three smallest ones and make occasional radio contact with the four oldest ones. They ran about like recently freed cave children. All the children there today were flying around at MACH3, having a blast, and managing not to incinerate themselves upon impact with upright piers. It was great!

Ahhh, and now, Zorak is home. Supper has been inhaled. Stories have been read. And I have a ton of laundry to get done. So I'm cutting it short.

As always, kiss those babies, but give those Daddies a little peck and a "thank you", too.

~Dy

Morning Stories

The reading groove is back. The boys and I have enjoyed a week of reading for longer periods, reading more diverse books, and they've been requesting more stories! The boys are thoroughly enjoying The Story of Numbers, as well as the other general reading we're doing. Last night James let me know he'd read all the current library books at least twice and asked if we can go back. Ahhh, yes. That's what I was looking for. This morning, he read to me for over an hour. We had a wonderful time together.

I am thoroughly enjoying the boys. They've been out-of-doors voluntarily, and that's been oh-so-nice! Our time indoors together has been more enjoyable - whether we're wrestling (which, might I point out, is a very handy "Daddy Thing", not so easy on the "Preggo Mommy"), or baking or reading or just being silly. They are getting a much better balance of life these days, and the improvements are wonderful.

I don't know how they can just home in on this stuff, but they found some yarn at the store the other day. They loved on it. They oohhh'd and ahhh'd over it. They cradled it like a baby doll. It was just too stinkin' cute to say no. That's what precipitated the knitting agrression session. I have to get started when they're asleep because things get stabbed. Mistakes are made. Things are said. It's actually good practice for me to gain control over my tongue. But by yesterday afternoon, I'd ripped out a scarf only nine times and things were relatively benign. The boys played with yarn on the bed while I sat among them and knitted (my ball of yarn safely ensconsed under my shirt). It was like curling up with happy, declawed kittens.

Zorak should return to us this evening. It will be wonderful to have him back. The high today is supposed to be in the low 70's - what a wonderful reprieve! The boys are already outside, roming in the air. They didn't even take toys or balls out - just bolted and spun in circles, exclaiming how pretty it is outside! I think I'm going to go join them. If anyone knows of a place where it never gets above 65', please let me know. :-)

Kiss those babies!
~Dy

Why I Love My Husband, #1,877,935,101

Tonight, as I relayed to Zorak my appreciation for him and his presence in my life, I shared the thought that without his positive influence I would probably be a bitter, alcoholic barmaid in a border town right now. His reply?

That's ok. If it wasn't for you, I'd probably be looking for a bitter, alcoholic barmaid in a border town, today, too.

I love that man! He knows when to tell me it'll be okay, and he knows when to ask if I need to hear it'll be okay, or if I need to just be Chicken Little for a while. And through it all, he really always *knows* (in his heart) that it will be okay. How could I not cherish him?

The latest on the Forever Home is that the sellers (remember, this is a foreclosure co. that owns the property and is selling it - they just listed it through a real estate office rather than doing the auction/bid thing) Anyway, they have now asked us to sign an adendum to extend the closing date to October 7th... you know, because they just didn't get on it quickly enough to close this Thursday. It seems they're the only ones who are surprised by this news, though, which is funny. They have, however, actually requested (and received) the Mold Photos, and have begun to grind those little hamster wheels to get the place treated. So, we'll sign. I didn't load up the boys and high-tail it to Decatur to sign the new form, though. They can wait til Zorak gets back and we'll sign it then. But who knows? Maybe next week will be our lucky week!

This evening, Aunt B talked me down, let me know I'm not technically insane (not in this aspect, anyway), and encouraged me greatly. I really appreciate all the humor and good faith she extends to us, but 'specially to me. It's helped a lot, and she's put up with us while we outgrew our 20's and while we have worked to find our footing in our 30's. (Yes, we're slow learners.) By the time we hung up, I could laugh at the situation and be glad that we've come this far. That's quite a perspective check, huh?

The boys and I have been on the go, go, go (dog, go!) all day long. It was good. It was fun. It was really quite exhausting. They are such helpful little guys, though, and the day went smoothly. Tomorrow we have Poineer Club, so we'll see if we can swing the TeamWorkThang heartily enough to make it on time (or at least not be terribly late...)

And tonight, I am going to curl up with a good book and a skein of yarn and get all my aggressions out by trying to knit something. (The book is in case I start yelling too loudly and need to calm down a bit.) I don't know what it'll be yet, but it's possible we'll have some idea what it is in a year or two! In the meantime, the boys are asleep, so the therapy will be helpful.

Kiss those babies!
~Dy

Drat! Foiled again!

I spoke with Wonderful Realtor this morning. She is so angry she is nearly incapable of speaking clearly. The sellers are refusing to speak to her because they can "only speak to the listing broker". WELL, the listing broker handed the phone to the Wonderful Realtor, because (a) they work together and (b) W-R is the one who has done all the work, has all the details, and is the most useful in this situation. But no.

And now the broker is out. of. town. for the next few days (this is the second vacation she's taken while we've been trying to get this deal through, *sigh*, must be nice).

Sellers still have not given authorization for anyone to go treat the property. They left their office Friday and have not answered the phone, replied to email, or bothered to make contact since then. We don't know how they think this will close on Thursday (which was their pick - they said the 29th!!)

To quote Sarah,

"I am a glacier. I am cool. I am calm. I am chilled. I am freakin' enormous and I will wear down anything in my path. I am cool. I am calm."

I meant to share that with Wonderful Realtor this morning, but she sounded so worn down herself, I wasn't sure it would've been appropriate. I want to make her smile, not cry.

So, another week, month, or whatever without our forever home. It'll be ok. The weather is cooler today. There is a *ooooooo* slight breeze. We have groceries to buy and the money with which to buy them. The boys are covered in mud... I'm not sure where that came from, but just peeked out the window and noticed... hmmm.

Yep, it'll be alright. Really, it will.

Kiss those babies!
~Dy

Come Monday, It'll Be Alright

No, we're not going to a Jimmy Buffett concert. (Wouldn't that be fun, though?) The title of this post is actually for Zorak, who is on travel this week. He headed out this morning, all decked out in his "traveling engineer" garb. The boys and I are doing our Mommy-Doesn't-Have-The-Stamina-For-Boundary-Defining-This-Week Routine. It works quite well, and the older two know (almost instinctively...) that if they walk in the general direction that I point, we're good. If they turn into rabid rock squirrels, however, I will break out the slingshot and clip their little tails with a deeply irreverent glee. (OK, it's not *quite* that bad, but the imagery is pretty good.)

We did have a truly splendid time on Saturday evening. The boys napped in the late afternoon and were truly, absolutely wonderful the entire evening. They had a spectacular time, danced themselves dizzy, ate tons of fair-type food, and when we left the concert around eleven-thirty, they were just winding down. (And yet, they were still up, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed Sunday morning! HOOOOWWWWW do they do that?) John sure wanted to shake Don Williams' hand, but by the time we could get anywhere near the backstage area, he was long gone. John asked if he could write him a letter to thank him for coming to H'ville. (Happy mommy moment! He wants to write!) It was a good weekend before Daddy headed out.

Zorak's Team Lead is a pilot. He has his own little plane.

"Hey! Let's take my plane to Iowa!"

*groan* Guess who needed a few tranquilizers for this trip? Yep, me. It's not that I don't trust the guy, or his plane, but if Zorak dies, I am on my own. I don't want to be on my own!! Fortunately, while not terribly intuitive, Zorak is understanding, so when I said, "PleasefortheloveofGod, be careful. Andcallme." He got it. He called. From Illinois for a gas stop, from the hangar in Iowa. And he let me know ahead of time that he won't be calling again until morning, but that he is on solid ground and is fine. He didn't have to let me know Team Lead let him fly the plane for a while, though. I could've slept very soundly without that information.

Y'all cracked me up on the henchmen post. I hadn't even thought of hiring henchmen for the house. Although, now that you mention it... As of today, I haven't heard anything more. I don't see how it can close on Thursday. In order to have everything cleared for Thursday's closing, the sellers had to have hired a Mold Man to do the work over the weekend so that the test could be run by tomorrow, at the latest. (The test takes 48 hours to culture, and then probably another day to write up the letter and tie it to the turtle that walks it to the mortgage co.) . As of Friday afternoon, the sellers didn't quite "get" that this process needed to go quickly - not quickly according to their planet's time frame - but quickly. Period. They still hadn't even picked a Mold Man yet. Wonderful Realtor worked her day off to help the process along. She said she would contact us this week with an update. If they can't get it done, then at least it's on their heads since they picked this last closing date. In the meantime, it's rained here the past couple of days. I don't envy the Mold Man who gets picked, that's for sure!

I sent Zorak into a tailspin of discomfort this week with my reading selection: Hutterite Society by John A. Hostetler. Last night he broke down and asked, "You're not going to decide this is the way to go and drag us to a colony for a *uses quotes in the air* visit, are you?" Once I mopped up the coffee I'd spewed over the couch and quit chuckling, I was tempted to play devil's advocate on the issue... but refrained and let him off the hook.

The boys asked about the book today, though, and we had such a neat discussion about communal societies and their histories - who the Hutterites are and their history, as well as their faith. James had a really good point when he said, "Wow, since they're doing what they believe in their hearts is right, I'll bet God is very happy with them." Yeah, buddy, you're getting it, aren't you? It's not what we believe, or what we do, but he gets that it's what's in your heart. He also gets that we strive to serve the way we believe best, and that's good, too. I thought that was pretty good for a little guy to comprehend.

We're reading Howliday Inn by James Howe (the sequel to Bunnicula) and the boys are loving it. We're also revisiting our favorite fairy tales (Red Fairy Book), and reading through the Bible together in the mornings.

The boys new fishing rods from Zebco came in last week (excellent customer service, and they sent replacements that were identical to the originals! Thank you, Zebco!!), so they spent time today practicing their casting techniques out in the grass.

We made muffins with a new recipe, but now we need to buy pumpkins for the next batch. We decided they'd be much better with pumpkin. Mmmmm.

And, I spent time today working on my Big Project - ten minutes a day with the Magic Eraser undoing Smidge's EKG mural on the hallway wall and bedroom door. (Can't complain. He's two. He had the marker. I wasn't paying attention. It was bound to happen eventually.) It's good exercise and I should have it all off by the end of the week. (And you should see my triceps!)

Oh. Wow. It just dawned on me that the CD player has made the rounds and I'm now sitting here, at ten o'clock, listening to Prima Latina... I've got to remedy that. So I'm off. Have a wonderful day with your families tomorrow. Enjoy your gifts and your little ones.

Kiss those babies!
Dy

On Hiring Henchmen

A good henchman is hard to come by. And so, in the hope of helping malevolent landowners and corrupt sheriffs across the Wild Wild West find competent, caring henchmen, we have outlined the basics to cover in the application/interview process. Enjoy.

Name? (If it's an alias, don't tell me that, just say as little as possible)_____
Former Occupation______________________________________
Reason for becoming a Henchman _____________________________
How's that workin' for ya? ____________________________
Years Henching? ________________
Are you aware that, even if we offer you a "retirement plan", we do not expect you to live long enough to collect on it, and if you do, we'll just kill you if you try? yes___ no ___ (If you checked no, stop now, shred this paper and leave.)
Please explain briefly a situation in which you were involved in a successful Henching Operation that required teamwork and cooperation:
___________________________________________

Where do you see yourself in five years? (Or if you don't plan to live that long, let's say, two years? By Christmas?) _________________________________________

Do you have any identifying marks readily visible to onlookers? (please explain)
____________________________________
Do you have an eye patch? (if yes, please mark the top of your application for preference points) _____
Have you, or anyone working with you, ever actually heard the foreboding music that accompanies your entrance to a drinking or entertainment establishment? __________
Just between you and me, how creepy was that?_____________________________________
Do you have any brothers who will follow you blindly into this employment? _______

How familiar are you with the (rather unspoken) Henchman Code of Ethics? (mark yes or no)
*Can you shoot an elderly, unarmed, blind man in the back? yes__ no__
*Can you leave an unescorted pregnant woman without a horse in the wilderness? yes__ no__
*Can you ever, under any circumstances, attack a perfectly healthy, sound, armed opponent at the same time as a fellow Henchman attacks him? yes__ no__

Literacy, cultural awareness:
You are expected to stampede the ____________ and pillage the _________. (Don't laugh. You'd be surprised how many get this wrong. Answer carefully.)

Yup. Mocking bad westerns is what we do on Sunday evenings... it's good.
Have a good evening!
Dy