I laughed so hard I think I pulled something.

Jess, who I must remember has dangerous powers she is willing to abuse, has uncovered the skeleton in my closet... or she planted it there. Either way, check it out - me in my NEEWWWW CAR!!!!



C'mon, get HAPPY!!!

We could build a whole story around a picture like this... you know, the winter Zorak and I stayed in a camp in Magnitogorsk... That's a good way to while the time away until we hear more on the house!

Kiss those babies!
~Dy

Why we will never own a 15 passenger van...

Just talking about vehicles with Jess, and buying bigger vehicles. Claudia said if they move out here, "one of us" will have to buy a 15 passenger van, and I laughingly told her to enjoy her new vehicle! It's not that I have anything against the big vans, but it's sort of like wearing your fat jeans when you don't have to - eventually, you'll find that's all you can wear. We naturally expand to fill the available space. Jeans. Tables (or other flat surfaces) work on the same principle. When we bought the Suburban, we moved from owning two single-cab pickups, and we seriously debated whether that was overkill.

Well...

We are now just one child away from having to get something larger than the Suburban! Or leaving Zorak home when we go out. But something different will need to be done. We bought the Suburban thinking we could haul the boys and their friends! Now, um, no.

If we were to break down and buy a 15 passenger van, it would only be a matter of multiple pregnancies before we'd need to move into a used school bus! And I don't think I have enough calcium stores left to fill that thing!!

So that's our rationale (partially tongue in cheek) for not buying a 15 passenger van.

Kiss those babies - all of 'em!
~Dy

ACK! I am so sick!

Not deranged-sick, just plain ol' sick-sick. I think I pushed myself too hard last week. (But, oh, what fun it was!)

Tomorrow begins another day. I've been meaning to blog about Prima Latina for CS, but have discovered that I really need to rethink what I have to say about it. Unfortunately, with school on "bare minimum mode" at the moment, that hasn't happened recently. I promise I will do that this week, though. I need to nail it down, anyway, so I can gear up for the fall.

I'm fighting my natural inborn pessimism at the moment. Just spent the evening panicking and crying to Zorak, who has now run off to hide in the newspaper and hope that I can find a girlfriend who is awake at this time of night. He did hold my hair back for me while I paid homage to the... oh, who am I kidding? While I puked my guts out. There was no homage. A little swearing, but nothing remotely resembling homage.

We should hear back tomorrow on the house offer. I really hope they take it and that we can close pronto. There have been more glitches popping up over the weekend (hence, the hyperventilating and screeching and flapping of the arms tonight), and while none of them pertain directly to the house, they will indirectly affect the house. And. And. And. *WHHINE* I am just not endowed with a great deal of fortitude and optimism simultaneously.

So. The boys have had a great weekend. We all hung out on the couch today to watch a movie and snuggle. That was nice. We really need a deeper couch so we don't have to stack up three-high on it, but you know what - I am just really glad that my almost-seven-year-old-son still comes and piles on with the little guys. I'm thankful that the wee little one "gets it" and joins in. And I am ever-so-glad that my big, snuggly five-year-old-son craves physical contact in positive ways. He responds to hugs and loves to hold hands. He seeks out stray run-by snuggles. He sets the tone that the other two follow, and he makes me remember to be still long enough to enjoy it. We're really blessed with these guys!

On that note, however, these little guys are going to need some full-time attention and interaction tomorrow. (It feels awfully quiet now, with all the company gone, and that always seems to leave a weird vacuum for a few days after...) SO I'd better run to Wally World for some creamer (it would not bode well to run out in the morning!) and then get to bed.

Kiss those babies!
~Dy

The Boat Trip V.3.4

This is my third attempt at blogging this trip. If I thought I was tired last night, you should see my energy wane in trying this one - more - time. Long story short, we had an absolute blast. The boys enjoyed the entire excursion, from start to finish (except for Smidge there at the start, as you'll see in a second). Our Wonderful Guests had an equally fantastic time, and their boys had just as much fun as everyone else. Zorak and I think we may have found our Official Visitor's Outing for when we have company. This was just a whole lotta fun, and we can't even begin to imagine how much better it'll be when we figure out what we're doing!

We got the boat off the trailer with nominal assistance from kind strangers, and only lost two straps somewhere in the water. (For the record, Wal-Mart carries these straps! Good to know.) We managed to get everyone into life jackets and onto the boat without any major mishaps. The older boys thought the life vests were pretty great. The little guys, well, not so much...

However, aside from not being able to bend down to pick up anything, or the ability to actually sit, the little guys adjusted pretty quickly, and from the looks of things, I don't even think therapy will be necessary. There was just too much to see...

And point out...

...to bother being upset. Good stuff. The terrain along the river is exquisite. We saw cliffs and glades that captured our imaginations and brought childhood books and legends to life. We eventually stopped photographing the herons, as they are so numerous it began to feel like photographing pigeons in DC.

Zorak let each of the boys take a turn learning to drive. James immediately grasped the connection between driving the boat and driving a car, and determined right from the start that this was a pretty big responsibility. Don't let the stern expression fool ya, he had a blast, and did a fine job!

John, on the other hand, felt it was perfectly natural, and OF COURSE he can drive a boat! (Hey, Ma! See those barges? Watch this!) I think we may have to keep an eye on this one...

We felt like we'd sailed to the ends of the earth! In reality, we made it five miles (maybe) upriver. If that. We explored a small tributary to the Tennessee River, where the boys waved enthusiastically at a tug boat crew, and at a surprised man from Florida who had dropped anchor up the stream, where he probably never expected he'd be hailed by a herd of small children in a pontoon boat.

A little further upriver, we stopped at a sandy spot along the bank and moored for lunch. The boys immediately dispersed to gather "treasures" (which reminds me, I need to get those out of my bag before they are ground to treasure-sand), dig on the shore, and in general have the kind of fun only children think is part-n-parcel of any day. Zorak and Ben grilled chicken teriyaki and polish sausages, while Claudia and I tidied the boat and kept an eye on the roaming natives. If dirt and laughter are any indication of a good time (and we think they are), then the lunch break was a success!

Lunch, for the most part, could not compete with the lure of the river. It was right there. It was calm, and evidently, inviting. The boys splashed head-first into the water - had we thought they'd muster that kind of gumption, we'd have stapled their life vests to their torsos - and had the time of their lives. Thankfully, they are good boys who had no trouble staying close, listening to us, and being safe while they played. That's worth the effort.

Zorak has unearthed a new persona to add to his cache: Captain Ron of the Desert Gypsy Tribe. He not only piloted us safely through the channels and corridors, but he could identify the native critters pretty well, he found the ideal place to camp for lunch, and he didn't panic when we had engine problems (you know, unlike some women he may be married to - not naming any names, here). He figured out the problem, identified the solution and we were on the road again in no time at all. And when he wasn't busy showing the boys how boats work, or troubleshooting the engine trouble, he carried us along with him on this Grand Adventure with humor, wit, and the natural, comfortable rhythm that is Zorak.

We thought we'd head back downriver after our break so we could load the boat before dark and thereby decrease (or at least not increase) our chances of losing, pinching or breaking anything. The trek back downriver was fun, and fast -- On the way up, we went slow, then we sped up and felt like we were flying. Then someone would speed past us and we'd just have to laugh at ourselves and all this newness. On the way back down, though, we kicked up a fun little wake that the boys thought was The Coolest!

We saw more new things on the way back down - there was an awful lot of pointing and squealing and laughing on this trip. And, of course, every time the boys recognized something we'd passed on the way upriver, they were feelin' pretty capable as Explorers and Navigational Experts! Lewis & Clark, watch out!

It was just plain fun, really. That sums it up well. (And I'm out of the energy to rewrite everything I'd written the first two times.)



We made it back quicker than we'd anticipated and had just enough time left to go downstream a little farther so we could pass under the big bridge that spans the Tennessee River by the docks for one last Hurrah before heading back to land. The sun leaned closer and closer to the treeline, casting amazing lines of shimmering golden red across the waves. The tired, happy, squirrelly children all seemed mezmerized by the scene, and then the bridge loomed into view. It was breathtaking.




As we passed under the gigantic steel structure, every head in the boat tilted up to take in the sheer magnitude of everything around us: nature, technology, friendship, and wonder. It's all there, and at that moment, it was all so very beautifully clear.

There are a lot more pictures to post, but getting these resized and uploaded has been quite the adventure in itself (one which isn't even close to blogworthy!) I also forgot in all the excitement to ask Claudia if I could include pics that had her boys in them, too. So these got uploaded last night, and here ya go. Today she said I can, so I'll post more in a few days.

FYI: If anyone plans to visit, bring your swim suits and your appetites, 'cuz this is our new mojo! And with all the things we learned on this trip, future excursions will be even more enjoyable! Y'all can thank Ben & Claudia for having the fortitude and good humor to go with us on our maiden voyage. It's not always such a good thing to go first, ya know!

Kiss those babies!
~Dy

Our Visit With Our Wonderful Neighbors from AZ

I say they're from AZ - that's when they became our Wonderful Neighbors. They're in CA now, but we try to drive really close in behind them so nobody sees the plates. *wink* And we have had a spectacular two days so far. We haven't shown them nearly as much of our new beautiful native land as we would like, but it's been good. A few of the highlights:

Their two little boys are absolutely darling, wonderful, precious, and did I mention darling? The five boys blend together so well and have such fun. The older three ramble about exploring, pretending, playing, singing, and plotting. The Diaper Brigade (Smidge and their Little D) sort of flit from place to place like smiling bumble bees - bumping into things, laughing hysterically about it, and then floating off in another direction. If bumble bees weighed 30 pounds, I'm pretty sure you could hear them laugh, and it would sound like these boys' laughter.

Ben & Claudia love the area and have found a place they could easily call home. Now we just need to help Ben find a job here (which, honestly, is a matter of time, just time) and get them moved. It's exciting to see their dreams for their family reflected in everything they see here.

We took them to church with us on Wednesday for supper and Bible study. We sat at a table by ourselves to eat, not because the folks at church are unfriendly, but because there are nine of us and the round tables in our fellowship hall only seat eight, comfortably. Many folks stopped over to welcome them and make them feel comfortable. Zorak and I appreciated that. It can be difficult to manage the social graces of introductions when you have three hungry children and a gazillion distractions.

During Bible study, Pastor H introduced them to the class and let the word out that they are looking at coming to live here. I was so absolutely humbled and thankful for our church in the moments that followed. Two gentlemen asked Ben for his resume and a third heard that Ben's degree is in Computer Engineering (or something like that, I was herding Smidge by that point) and pointed out that he is hiring. Nobody made grandiose promises or stepped outside good business sense, but they really walked the walk, so to speak, and let it be known that if they could help, they would. Resumes for everyone, and prayers all 'round. What a great church home we have!

Today we had the whole clan over for breakfast. That would be six adults (Ben's parents accompanied them on the voyage) and five children to feed. I felt like I cooked for hours! And it was only eggs, sausage, hashed browns and fresh fruit! It wasn't a fancy meal, but there was a lot of it. If we were to have more than six children, oatmeal would be the most elaborate food I prepared! Since we're still making do with our little four-chair kitchen table set, everyone ate in shifts. It worked out well. Then Claudia & Ben headed off to explore with a realtor while Zorak and I enjoyed sweating on the porch with Ben's Mom & Dad, catching up, sharing jokes, and encouraging one another.

Tomorrow is going to be neat. It's Zorak's day to do one of those things I think he's always thought would be cool to do for guests - you know, if we weren't poor and landlocked... and poor. Well, now we're not, so we're doing it. He's rented a pontoon boat for the whole herd and we're going cruising on the lake and up one of the rivers tomorrow! He's so excited, he's downright giddy. It has the feel of a rite of passage. We may ground ourselves on a sandbar or two, but that's okay. It's not like either of us has a yachting trophy stashed amidst the archery trophies. And fortunately, if we do manage to get ourselves into a pickle (or three), we know we're among friends who will cover for us and mock us mercilessly for decades about "that time you tried to kill us!" I've emptied the camera card and will post pictures!

We did take them out to see the house we're negotiating on. I think it scared Ben (to be honest, it can go either way - charming country home with potential, or creepy out-of-the-way place to bury bodies at night). The kids had a blast, though, and it was nice to walk Claudia through the house, explaining what we planned to do with it - made it a little more clear. The place needs a bit more upfront effort on the structural end than we'd wanted to get into (at least right away), but nothing major. It was good to see it again, from a fresh perspective.

And I'll tell ya, I am one tired Mama! The boys have run nonstop, sleeping only when we can get them to be still for two or three seconds - and yet, they're still up at six thirty each morning! Wow. To be one or five or six and actually realize the sheer power of inertia you've got on your side! Wouldn't that be an amazing thing to experience for a day? (Wouldn't want to trade, though. I don't think my old frame could keep up with their high-speed motors and trannies for longer than, say, lunch time...)

Kiss those babies - even the ones that aren't yours!
~Dy

See? It works. (Part II...)

Alright, already! In all fairness, we didn't hear anything back until after five today. Well, Wednesday, but Ben & Claudia just left, so I'm still running on Wed. hours.

So here's Part II:

Once we withdrew our offer on the first property, Zorak and I sifted through all the other places we've looked at over the past three and a half months. We found one that had inspired our imaginations and which we truly liked. We called Nice Mortgage Man to find out if he could do that property, what the payments would look like, and what he'd need to do it as a ten-day closing. (Can you tell we're tired of living in an apartment?) He said he will make it happen, so we called the realtor who'd shown us the property and asked to make an offer. She agreed to meet us after lunch to do all the paperwork. Yippee!

We sat down at the table and the first thing she said was, "I have to let you know there is someone at the office putting in an offer on this property as we speak." Hear that? That is the sound of my intestines knotting around my heart and squeezing the valves out of it. For the record, that sound echoes in a library. You know, in case you ever find yourself wondering, "Is that just gas or am I dying?"

The realtor had let all appropriate agencies know that she, too, was getting an offer and so it was that both offers were to go in on a "multiple offer form". Yeah, that sounds like fun. We scrapped the original plan and put in a much better offer than we'd intended. Still within our comfort range, just not as, mmmmm, spectacular a deal, let's say. For us. For the seller, it was great. There's a dispute over the easement of the property. They were going to take care of it; we said, "don't bother, we'll do that." They were going to fix the broken air conditioner; we said, "that's okay, we can take care of that." We even had a ten-day closing date with an approval letter from Nice Mortgage Man. How sweet can that be, right?

Evidently, sweeter than Equal, but not quite up to Pure Cane Sugar standards. We heard nothing at all yesterday due to a bizarre twist of events in which our mortgage file took a joy ride to Tennessee and arrived late at the bank's office. (The bank is the seller in this particular transaction.) They had both offers all day, and could peruse them. From what I understand, though, they could not actually make a decision until all pertinent documents (including the prodigal approval letter) were safely in hand. So we heard diddly yesterday aside from the painful grinding and squealing of brakes as the process came to a stunning halt. We would definitely hear something by Wednesday.

Wednesday was really long. When your adrenaline is pumping hard enough to infuse the hairs of your eyebrows, you know you're wired. And time. stands. still. So you eat. And you wait. Then you clean. And you wait. You feed the small ones. And you eat some more, then wait a bit. It feels like more waiting than it really is, but eventually you call the realtor with the same song and dance she probably hears at this point in every single transaction she's ever facilitated:

Hi... This is your neurotic client. I know you're going to call when you hear something, but I, uh, well, um... Actually, I thought I'd call to make sure there was nothing else they needed from us. You know, blood samples, access to our life's savings, more lead-based paint forms in triplicate? And, well, after not much thought at all, that sounded like a good enough excuse to call you instead of waiting by this phone, peeling my nails off my fingers one layer at a time.

And your realtor, if she is kind and for whatever reason, likes you, will be genial and sweet, and not mock you for it. She still won't have any news for you. But at least she'll be gentle in letting you down and recommending that perhaps you put on gloves and find something productive to do. And yes, she really will call you as soon as she hears something. Yes, anything. Yes, she promises.

So you take your company swimming, and you feed the small ones again. You let them watch a movie while you fill your guests in on all there is to love about the area. And you discover that you can, in fact, completely drain the battery on your cell phone by constantly pressing the buttons to see if you somehow missed a call - even though you have the thing on HIGH ring and vibrate, and have worn it all day tucked into your undergarments. When your husband calls, you try to sound calm and collected as you explain that no, you haven't heard anything yet, and yes, you really will call him as soon as you hear something. Yes, anything. Yes, you promise.

(You also note that he called you more today than you called the realtor, which has a redeeming sensation to it, although you wouldn't ever hold that against your husband because you wanted to call the realtor every half hour until she had news or filed a restraining order against you.)

Finally, as the business day has ended and you are wondering how much chocolate one fetus can withstand, the phone rings. It is your realtor. With news. Bizarre news.

The bank has a counter offer. Just for you (don't you feel special?!), which means that the negotiations have begun in earnest. But their counter is very strange. They want:

Full list and they aren't going to fix anything - but, wasn't the whole point of volunteering to fix those two biggies ourselves so we don't have to pay you to do it, and you'd priced it out including your execution of those two features... but, *sigh* ok, that's fine. The difference isn't much at all, and we're okay with it, so we'll take that.

They'll pay $xxxx in closing costs - um, as opposed to us paying $yyyy in closing costs? And this is going to cost you more. Yeah. That's weird, but we'll take it. Gift. Horse. Mouth. Got it.

They want double the earnest money. Huh? Um, okay... I don't know why. You've got one check and now you want another one just like it. If you could see my nails right now, you'd know we're serious.

And then the really weird one. They countered our ten-day closing with not a 30-day closing, but a 45-day closing!! WHAT?! No! Why? Now, this is a bit of a deal breaker. There is no way we can get the house clean enough to move into by the end of September if we can't take possession for another 45 days... and our locked rate on the mortgage expires way before then. No. Why?

The house is vacant - nobody has to move out.
The property is abandoned - there is nothing to remove.
The house is closed up and busily molding at this point - and that's okay.
You have nothing to fix, repair, clean, mow, or even titter over. This is a completely "as-is" sale - so it's not like you need time to get things done there.
We want to give you your money SOONER rather than later...

That last one, we don't get. At all. If, however, we can come to a compromise on that point, then, my friends, we will have a home. Then, and only then, will I get all excited and girl-like over it and tell y'all about it. Until then, I'm doing all I can not to let my nerves make contact with my hormones. Baking soda and vinegar have nuthin' on this combination, trust me.

The realtor has sent the bank an email inquiring to the import the bank lays on this 45-day closing date and it's negotiability. I have eaten three rolls of Tums and washed it all down with a dose of Rescue Remedy. (Followed by more Tums - I always forget how nasty that stress-relief tincture tastes.) And we still don't really know much more.

Zorak says it's all going to be okay, they just want to make sure they leave as nasty a taste as possible in my mouth first. If that's the case, I'll buy a case of Mentos and I can outlast them. Oh yes, this is where my gypsy blood comes into play. It's stubborn, and since I've been ousted from the camp, I need a camp of my own. So bring it on, folks! You cannot out-weird me. Oh no.

Part III... I have no idea when part three will come. Hopefully soon, though, because I only have three fingernails left.

Kiss those babies!
~Dy

Old Joke, New Twist

How do you make a housewife neurotic?




...




...




...




I'll tell you later.

*ha ha ha*

********************************************************

Yep. Today's "Part Two" must be postponed until tomorrow because the bulk of the post has not been revealed to me yet, either!

That joke is a lot funnier in its original context...

Kiss those babies!
~Dy

It's almost over (yay!)

Thanks for the prayers today. Please keep praying. Here's the skinny (aka - boring house hunting details follow...)

So the land bank has had our application for a week now. We were to have an answer, one way or the other, by Thursday. Last Thursday. No word. Nothing Friday, either. We called the realtor and left messages. No word back. Not Friday. Not Saturday. Not Sunday.

In the meantime, we were told that the interest rate for a land loan is about two WHOLE points higher than on a conventional loan, and even one point higher even than we'd been told before. That was information we didn't have before. Ouch.

Our lease expired the end of July and our rent went up another hundred and fifty dollars. OK... This isn't getting any better.

SO, we decided over the weekend that if there were any more hurdles to this loan, it was time to pull the plug. It's grown too big. It's taking too long, and it is not going to be feasible. It's a real mess. But, we wanted to touch base today, hoping we'd have a final answer, one way or the other.

When I called this morning, we got our answer. They hadn't received a signed contract from the realtor last week. They still did not have the letter from the appraiser (another part the realtor was to have taken to them). The bank had not done their new appraisal. They had not even pulled Zorak's credit yet. Nothing. They had not done one single thing last week. At all. And the interest rate went up again.

Well, those are hurdles. At this point, we'd have to wait another two weeks to hear back as to whether or not they are even willing to do the loan with no money down. That puts us an extra two months here in the apartment, IF the loan can be done, trying to swing both an increased rental payment and a much higher mortgage payment than anticipated. And that pretty much takes out any leeway we had. Timer dings. Time's up.

We called the realtor back to withdraw the offer. Suddenly, she's available. And now, she's gung-ho on keeping this deal alive. Which, yes, I can appreciate her perspective. But when she calls us now and says she is meeting with the president of the bank to get this deal pushed through... we can't help but wonder where she was a month ago when we were trying to get the ball rolling? She knew this was a matter of getting things done and closing by the end of the month. We've been very upfront about the situation. But the bare facts are that we cannot get the financing we need, and we can't seem to be able to get anything pushed through in a timely manner and the eleventh hour is not the time to bring out your connections and "make it happen". The window has closed.

It was a difficult decision to make, and although we're not happy to have had to make it, we know it was right. If we kept pushing and pulling, we'd have ended up with no capital to make repairs and payments far above what we could budget. That's the best case scenario. The most likely result is that we'd have stayed in limbo another two weeks, only to get the final "no" and then be left to start again from square one.

So. There we are. And it's actually good. Not spectacular, but definitely the right decision. For a number of reasons.

Part two tomorrow...

Kiss those babies!
~Dy

The Big Week

Today I need to make a Phone Call. Yes, with capital letters. It's a big one. Zorak and I had a great heart-to-heart last night, inspired by a comment Melissa made during our chat yesterday, and bolstered by our mutual goal of enjoying our family to the best of our ability - not to mention that right now it's all about the boys. Yup, the boys. (Not that we forgot that, we didn't, but we needed a recalibration.) So. Phone Call. Then I'll blog more later. Please pray for a clear path and a clear understanding of what step to take next. We truly appreciate it.

And did I mention Ben & Claudia will be here in just two more days?!?!? WOOHOO!!! She called yesterday and they're on their way!

Kiss those babies!
~Dy