Don't Wait

This summer, Aunt Bonnie and Uncle John were going to come for a visit. We dearly love Aunt Bonnie and Uncle John, and have jealously anticipated any time we could spend with them, whether while we're driving through Oklahoma, or in knowing they are coming here. Friday, I received a call from Aunt Bonnie's daughter. At first, I was so pleasantly surprised to hear from her, but then her voice cracked, and she said, "We lost Mama this morning."

I haven't been able to write about this, and I've been trying since that afternoon. My heart broke. For her family, her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. For her husband and co-conspirator in life. For her friends at the bakery. For me. Aunt Bonnie was loved by everyone she knew.

Aunt Bonnie spent Thursday baking (she loved to bake, and man, she was good at it - renowned in her community for the best cinnamon rolls on earth!) and then she went to the casino to play with a little of her mad money. She died peacefully, in her sleep, sometime during the night. As last days go, that's not bad. I am thankful she did not suffer, and that Uncle John was not subjected to watching the love of his life wither and suffer, as well.

But I was waiting for the weekend to call her. (Don't wait.)

She was waiting for summer to come visit. (Don't wait.)

The last time we talked was only a week ago. She was up to her armpits in baking flour. She was so proud of her daughter, Linda. She was in love with her wonderful great-grandbabies and shared funny stories about the things kids say. She laughingly and happily relayed stories of Bob, who is living a wonderful, crazy, happy cancer-free life in the Northwest. She was excited about their plans for the trip out.

She didn't wait to enjoy her family. She savored every crazy moment. She shared that love with the rest of us. Don't wait... for things to calm down... for things to improve... for things to be 'just so'. Don't. This is the life we have, and it will be what we make of it. Aunt Bonnie knew that, and she shared it with us. So now, I'll share it with you.

Two of my favorite stories of Aunt Bonnie came from my Mom. At one point, when they were young women, Aunt Bonnie was single and Mom was married. They lived next door to one another, and were the dearest of friends (a friendship that lasted a full lifetime - they could get together after a five or ten year hiatus and within two minutes be laughing and giggling like schoolgirls again). Well, Aunt Bonnie would get home from a date and come over to Mom's house and knock on the window to let Mom know she was home. Mom would take the coffee pot and two cups to the spare bedroom, set it up on the bed and she and Aunt Bonnie would sit back there, drinking coffee, laughing, and gabbing until the sun came up.

Another story, from about the same time period, involved two ladies hopped up on caffeine, trying to paint the ceiling in that spare room. Well, Mom was only 5'3", and they didn't have a long roller. So Aunt Bonnie suggested, after watching Mom jump up and down, trying get paint on the ceiling (getting more on herself than anything else) that they push the bed into the middle of the room and jump on that. They did. I think they still got more paint on themselves than anything else (it's difficult to paint straight lines while you're laughing so hard). But in the end, they got the room painted, brought the coffee pot back there, and enjoyed hot coffee and friendship under their freshly painted ceiling.

I couldn't wait for Zorak to meet Aunt Bonnie and Uncle John. He fell in love with both of them just as much as I had. I'm thankful he got to meet her, and enjoy pot upon pot of coffee at her dining table (which looks ever so much like Mom's always did - it's the command center of the home). The boys fell in love with her, and dubbed her Grandma Bonnie. James said she was a lot like his Grandma (my Mom), and that she gave good hugs.

She had a warm home, where one was always welcome. She always said it was carefully decorated in "Early American Yard Sale" (she did love a good deal). If you stayed for a visit of any length, that front door would open more times than you could count and in would file kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids, just stopping by for a visit. It was wonderful. I want a home like that.

I want another year, another visit, another phone call. But they won't come. I will miss that, miss her. So many of us will. But because she didn't wait for life to come her way, because she went out and rounded it up and fed it and passed the coffee freely, those of us who have been left behind will have one another to continue to love and cherish. We'll have coffee together, and while the table won't be quite as full with that one empty spot, it will be okay. We will have laughter together. We will have silence that descends so fiercely and feels so deep it could rend us in two. We will have memories and stories to help mend our hearts. We will have the pain of her loss, but she made our hearts big enough to handle the scar.

This morning, let's raise our cups and toast life, love, and Not Waiting!

I love you, Aunt Bonnie.

~Dy

When Ya Gotta Sleep...

... Ya Gotta Sleep! (We have no idea how he managed this, but it's certainly a descriptive shot of the life of a toddler: you're on the go. Or you're not. Yes, he was actually standing in front of the futon when sleep overtook him.)

Today was productive, but there was a significant amount of whining going on. I hope it doesn't bleed over into tomorrow. (For the record, it was the boys. Zorak and I were pretty good today.)

The boys spent most of their day getting on one another's nerves. They were just so contrary. It's funny, if you can step back far enough to view it objectively. Zorak and I got to take turns doing that today. I love the tag-team approach to parenting, because it keeps me from getting too focused on the nit-picky things. I can step back and laugh when the child who cried at the mention of having a chicken leg for lunch receives his PB&J sandwich and promptly says, "I'd like some meat with my lunch, please."
"OK," says the unaware subjective parent (in this case, Zorak, which is why I find the anecdote humorous), "What would you like?"

John thought on it for a bit, then perked right up and said,

(Are you ready for it???)

"Chicken would be nice."

Ah, you just can't make that stuff up! And if you don't get the chance to view it from a distance once in a while, it's easy to start thinking they are trying to make you insane. Or that they already have... But no, that's just the process of learning to navigate the world, learning how to bow out gracefully once you've already said or done something less-than-bright, learning how to communicate all those thoughts and feelings and make sense of the mental mush that IS a five-year old's brain. He's doing just fine, and thankfully, so are we.

The master bedroom looks like an actual room. Tomorrow I'll prime the ceiling and Zorak will put the final skim coat on the tape. It can be textured, painted, carpeted, and moved into this week! Yay!

The kitchen received its final coat of paint today, so now all the outlets can stop dangling like gouged out robot eyes and start looking like proper outlets for a change. The makeshift pantries had to be moved away from the walls, so they all got a thorough cleaning, as well. That felt good.

The green in the dining room has grown on us. Thankful for that.

Balto went to the store with us today. He is such a chicken. He wants to ride in the Suburban, but he's afraid to jump in. Then we get home and he's afraid to jump back out. He weighs too much now for me to lift him in and out, so he's simply going to have to get over these little issues of his. However, he's a good traveler once he's in, and he thoroughly enjoyed making the trek with us. I liked having him with us, too. He's a sweet thing, and loyal. He's a good dog.

And on that note, the kitchen is clean, oats are soaking for pancakes in the morning, church clothes are laid out, and it's about time for me to hit the hay so I'm not the weak link in the chain tomorrow morning! I'll leave you with a picture from one of our walks about the property. Zorak and I call this one "Jay and Silent Bob: The Early Years"



Kiss those babies!
~Dy

Hooked up the Printer: Pics Before Monday

Everyone who has more than one child knows about the growth vortex that seems to suck in the first child the day after you've had your second child, and spits it back out three years larger than it was just yesterday. Well, the vortex got Smidge. My wee, precious, little Smidge.



The boys call this her "worried look" - she makes this face right after they've done one of their run-by smoochings on her unsuspecting forehead. One minute, nothing, the next minute, *smack*. What in the world was that?!?


If you sing to her, you'll get one of these expressions. It'll make you laugh, and she'll revert back to the worried look, above. (If she had actual eyebrows, you could tell they're raised. As it is, you have to go by the Bunnicula peak on her forehead - the whole forehead raises up. Weird.)



This was one of the first smiles we got - back in February. Love those cheeks!


I have no idea what Zorak did to cause her to make this face, but had to capture it.


And whatever it was, he soon remedied that and got one of these grins - this is when she's trying to decide if it's worth an all-out laugh or not, but wants you to keep it up while she decides.


This is how she looks most of the day, now. (Well, only in color, but I couldn't get the color true in the pictures, so there ya go, black and white.)


And here she is, the Proverbial Baby. (Note the absolutely exquisite blanket - a blogging friend made that for her - it's like a lacy cloud. She's lucky I let her borrow it.)

We have received some of the most thoughtful, sweet, and loving gifts for her. I will post photos of her with them soon. Thank you, all, so much!

Kiss those babies!
~Dy

Oh, YUM!

For a snack today, we mixed up a batch of the Sweet Vanilla Milk from the Hillbilly Housewife. (The recipes are about 2/3 of the way down the Powdered Milk page.)

Can I just say WOW-YUM-HOLY-BAT-COW-BATMAN! That is one delicious recipe. I imagine it's even better warmed... with a cinnamon stick... and cookies...

Ok, ok, nix the cookies. Now I'm just feeling gluttonous.

How not to suck down the entire 2Qts. while the boys aren't looking... hmmmm. (Gotta do it while they aren't looking, though, because I think they'd fight me for it if they saw me.)

Tonight we'll try the molasses milk! Mmmm.

Kiss those babies!
Dy

Ooo, that felt good!

Well, yesterday the boys and I found many wonderful books in the basement. They wanted to bring them ALL upstairs, but not only would I have ended the day with thighs the size of Hulk Hogan's, there simply aren't enough finished walls to house the bookcases. You'd have thought it was Christmas, though, the way the boys oohhh'd and ahhhh'd over each opened box. We didn't find the books we were looking for, but we did bring up a nice selection of titles. ;-) And a small bookcase. And the math blocks. I'd call that a semi-successful trek!

When Zorak arrived home, he helped me wrangle the corner hutch back into the dining room corner and the tea cart over by a wall in the dining room. It's found a home! For ten years, we've been sticking that poor little tea cart wherever there was room. Last night, it nestled in perfectly against a little piece of wall that's just the right size, and I just smiled. The little tea cart has a real home now. My Mom would be so happy!

The boys built an alarm last night with their snap circuit set. Using the photosensor, it was set in the window to go off when the sun hit the window. It went off. It was loud. These are definitely Zorak's children, too. They slept right through it. (Personally, I'd have put it in the other window... the one the sun doesn't enter right as it tops the horizon. But that's just me.) So today got an early start. *grin*

We sure are enjoying our four-day school week! We get quite a bit accomplished Monday through Thursday and have Fridays off. We can either enjoy time with Zorak or run errands and work on the house when he's not off. Tomorrow, he's off, and we've a lot to do! Too bad the weather has been completly schitzo - high today of 55, tonight, snow! Springtime in the South? Or just a weird year all around? I don't know, but I'm glad I didn't put the sweaters away just yet. I hope this doesn't kill our pear tree (it's already blossomed).

And I apologize for the lack of pictures. The severe lack of pictures. Not only of the house, but of Miss Emily. She's gone and plumped right up, grew a few strands of hair at the back of her head (her hair, thus far, is brown, by the way), and her eyes have lightened up to a brilliant blue. She's not quite so splotchy anymore, either. (Yay!) And have I taken pictures? Actually, I have been better about that. Particularly considering this is my fourth child and I'm not the photgraphing wiz that Jess is! What I haven't done is hook up the semi-dead printer (or purchase a new one) so that I can upload them. I will do that this weekend. Someone hold me to that, okay?

And that's about it, here. The stove parts arrived yesterday afternoon, so I'm waiting on 8 o'clock to call the appliance store to see when they can get a tech down here. We have no nostalgia for the days before we had a stove. Made eggs in a basket for supper on the waffle iron last night and it gave Zorak and I flashbacks. We had to run to the bathroom and turn on the hot water just to make sure the progress we've made wasn't a dream. *whew* Still have hot water. That's good...

Kiss those babies!
~Dy

What a Wonderful Morning!

It's cold this morning, but dry and breezy. Another laundry day! I got to visit with Gram and Aunt Linda a bit before breakfast. We're so looking forward to their trip out in April! Aunt Linda said she'd be happy to help James plant flowers, and that absolutely made his day when I relayed the news. Then Smidge brought me a book and climbed in my lap. That's all it takes to redirect my attention. We sat and snuggled and laughed our way through Old MacDonald Had A Farm. (This should never have been made into a book. It must be sung, and the children don't like to hear me sing. Who made this into a book???)

The boys are enjoying big mugs of yogurt and hot, buttered toast, while I take a break from hanging the wash and reading to Smidge. When they're done, we'll work out in the yard some, then come in for hot chocolate and stories. We enjoy productive days we can spend together. Days in the car aren't so much fun, but days at home, working and tending, have become quite joyful.

Then it's down to the basement to find our math blocks. It's time. (It's past time, but we've made do pretty well without them thus far.) I've found the videos and the workbooks, but have yet to find the blocks. (Where's the adventure of packing them all in the same box? Organization is for wimps.)

The boys' lessons are going well. I haven't blogged much about the homeschooling, as it's just a part of each day. That's how it goes sometimes. Not every schooling day contains an "ah-ha" or a "eureka". Math, reading, history, Bible, nature walks and read-alouds. It's good, but makes for dull blogging (yeah, like our stove issues make for riveting reading...) I'm digging around for some good memory work, and hopefully I'll find our Latin materials today while we're working in the basement.

I've been trying to convince Zorak to bring up one of the big bookcases to hold the schooling materials, but bringing more stuff upstairs before the house is done just isn't high on his list of Things He'd Like To Do. It ranks right up there with starting over on the house, and having to listen to small children chant songs on CD. So I think today I'll just bring up a little one. Library books on top, school books on the shelves. That'll do nicely, and won't require a ton of heavy lifting and hauling when the time comes to finish the school room.

Oh! We've made a change of plans on the order of things, too. When we finish the master bedroom, we're going to do the foyer next, rather than the fourth bedroom. It's the initial visual impact. And it smells like dog. So, Balto gets a dog house outside and we get a nice foyer. This is good for our mental state, as well, because now the finished (and lovely) walls of the dining room frame the nasty foyer and act as a focal point of Ugly. We made the switch in plans as much out of practicality as out of mental health. The more we finish, the worse the old parts look. This will be great, and leaves us with only the fourth bedroom and the school room to do before the WHOLE HOUSE will have been redone. Not bad. Not bad, at all.

Hmm, I hear giggling. There should be no giggling when you have yogurt in front of you. I'd better go round them up and redirect a little bit. Have a lovely Wednesday! And as always, kiss those babies!
~Dy

Oh, the things that make me smile!

* Hearing James exclaim over snack and a read-aloud, "Wow! This book is far better than I thought it would be!"

* Seeing the smile on Smidge's face when I let him eat some of "my" popcorn.

* Watching John run to the bookshelf to get his writing book down - I don't run that fast unless I'm in imminent danger.

* Reading about other people's tin foil hats.

* Walking through the erstwhile "tool room" and seeing white walls (and not stumbling over tools).

* Smidge hugs, and the impish smile that accompanies them.

* Seeing the light go on in John's eyes when he gets it, really, really gets it.

* Piling on the couch with all four children and knowing that my personal space has been invaded in the most lovely fashion.

* Made-up jokes from children. Sometimes I think it'd be okay to have children just to see the world through their eyes. It's a very funny place.

* Hearing any of my children laugh so hard it causes the others to laugh, too.

* Cooking together. Always a bonus.

* Knowing that although it's cold tonight, we are all safe and warm.

* Knowing that Zorak will scootch aside and let me have the warm spot when I climb in bed.

* Remembering that we aren't the only freedom-loving parents out there who feel so painfully aware of where our accountability lies every time we look into the trusting, loving, eager eyes of our children.

* Looking at our children, and knowing without a shadow of a doubt that raising them is the Best Thing We Could Ever Do.

* Enjoying that whole process, as well.

* Spending two hours at the library and enjoying every minute of it. (Worked hard to get that groove going, but oh, is it worth it!)

* Realizing, at the market, that I've (once again) forgotten to slip out of my slippers and into my shoes.

* Having children who aren't mortified about things like that, yet. (Though the older two will give me a good ribbing and giggle after me for a while over it.)

* Hearing Zorak's voice on the phone, telling us he's headed home after work.

* Hearing the squeals of delight and the tromping of feet as the boys run to meet Zorak at the door.

* Getting a kiss on the cheek, hearing, "How was your day?" - And knowing he really means it.

There's so much that makes me smile! There's a lot to smile about, really.

Kiss those babies (there's another one!)
~Dy

Things you don't want to hear...

Ever.

(From your spouse...)

"Honey, come look at this." (This applies, in particular, to the incident last night, but it's safe to assume this isn't something a woman ever really enjoys hearing.)

"Why is there flame there?"

"I'm going to have to cut off the gas."

(and from the boys...)

"Does this mean no pancakes in the morning?!?!"

(and then from the appliance store we purchased the stove from...)

"Oh no. We don't service that far." (OK, you'll deliver here, but you won't service here? And you couldn't have mentioned that when we bought the stove and made it clear that we were purchasing locally for the s-e-r-v-i-c-e?!?)

(from the two other companies the first company gave you service contacts for...)

"Five Star? Who makes that? I don't think we service those. *pause* Nope. We don't service those."


So much for buying locally. I ended up calling Five Star. For the record, they were truly fantastic! Five Star is sending the parts needed to do the repair and they somehow managed to talk the original shop into sending a technician down to do the repair once we have the parts in hand. Yay, Five Star!!

All this, and we can still make it to the library today! Yippee!

Kiss those babies!
~Dy

It's Dead... (rated R, for language and government rants)

My phone, that is. It's been sickly for a while, and we saw this coming. Still, it's a bit of a shock to find yourself without a cell phone. Just wake up and thhhbbttt. It's dead.

I took it to the Verizon technician to see what it would cost to fix the problem (because, of course it's out of warranty and we're three months away from the standard now-we've-got-you-for-another-two-years upgrade). Answered the gazillion questions they ask - what's the problem, what's it doing, how long has it been doing it, and what have you done to resolve the problem. OK, pick it up at three. Well, we weren't staying in town until three, so I just called.

Had to laugh, because when I called the conversation went like this:

CSR - "Well, it won't take a charge."
Me - Um... yeah, I know. That's why I dropped it off.
CSR - "It says it's charging, but it's not."
(Long, awkward pause, as I wait for them to provide me with information I haven't provided them already.)
Me - Aaaannnnddd?
CSR - "Well, there's a few things you can do. You can see if a friend has a phone they don't want. You can purchase a new phone, retail, of course. Or you can buy one off eBay."
Me - What would it cost to fix it?
CSR - "It won't take a charge."
Me - So it can't be fixed?
CSR - "Well, it won't take a charge."
Me - No SHIT, it won't take a charge!* I am well aware of that. Why can't it be fixed? (*That first part was in my head. I don't swear at the poor sap who got stuck answering the phone.)
CSR - "Um, the software won't let us fix it."

Well, okay, it's THEIR software. Are they telling me they coded it to do this? Or that their technician can't be bothered with "software issues"? Did he work for Microsoft before coming to work for Verizon? Bah. I hate planned obsolescence.

We have two old phones, but I don't think they have GPS capabilities. (Yet another Federal mandate in the name of "the people", designed to complicate our lives, waste our tax money, and control our spending habits. Bastards. And we're the idiots who allow things like this to be passed. As much as I appreciate certain things the FCC does, I think it's outlived its usefulness and is now overstepping its bounds out of sheer boredom.)

And if I had a compliant phone, I'd be on it right now, wasting my minutes to make that clear to someone in DC.

Dy, off to piss and moan to the congressman who will never see my email