Well, things never really improved with CNM. That was a shame, but it was what it was, and it turned out so much better in the end.
He did get into some classes, which was great. Ish. (The instruction was a bit of a mixed bag. It's pretty horrifying what college instructors are doing and saying in the name of being "the cool teachers". There are still those, though, even at CNM, who show intelligence and integrity while they man their post in front of a class of students. They are so appreciated.) They still hadn't bothered to look for his official scores and transcripts. It was crazy.
We had submitted the waiver for residency and his two "overt acts" for declaring intent to establish residency. (NM State law allows for students to receive in-state tuition if they have relocated here for a parent's job and are willing to declare their own intent to remain here.) What CNM doesn't tell you on their website, or in person, is that of the 11 acts that they say you need to have accomplished at least two of, what they really mean is there are only two on there that they will actually acknowledge. Good luck guessing which two! And they won't tell you until after the deadline! They denied his petition. Wee! We spoke to a supervisor. She also denied the petition. We asked to whom we could appeal, and she said no one.
Okay, then.
I went home to transfer money from savings (at this point, I was feeling rather defeated and didn't want to be an obstacle in John's path forward) and planned to pay his tuition in the morning. Except bright and early the next morning, as we sat down to take care of business, John forwarded me an email he'd just received announcing he'd been dis-enrolled for non payment. (At some point, you'd think I'd have gotten a clue that if it's THIS difficult to work with this institution, then there's probably something I'm not getting, like, I don't know, this isn't where he ought to be. But I am slow.)
I told him to go ahead and re-enroll and then I'd log in and pay right then (since the funds had transferred). The process for re-enrolling, however, is quite complicated, and not listed anywhere on the school's website. You cannot register online for a class after the registration period has ended. He contacted the one helpful person we'd found at CNM who explained to him how to get it done. You have to email each professor and ask for permission to re-enroll in their class. Then they will, at their leisure, issue a manual override to permit you to re-enroll. There is no notification process in the system letting you know when you're good to go. You just have to keep trying until it works. The instructors have no time limit in which to complete this, because they're doing you a favor, but the payment clock starts ticking the minute you get your first class re-enrolled. And you'll be dis-enrolled if you haven't wrapped it up and paid by the time that clock strikes done. Again, because they're doing you a favor.
Well then.
I asked my brother-in-law if he could help us navigate the bureaucracy, but from everyone he spoke with he really just heard, "Yeah, this is how they roll now. It stinks." :-O Wow. He suggested we go to UNM-Valencia and talk to them. We hadn't really considered the UNM system. It's HYUGE, and we thought it would be worse at a larger institution. But why not give it a try?
I emailed the contact BIL had given me. John submitted an application. He doubled checked his Bag of Holding to make sure he still had everything. (ACT score report, unofficial transcripts from both high school and college, high school diploma, NREMT certification, BLS certification, etc. - all the same material he had brought with him to CNM) I submitted all the official requests that fall to the parent to request (or, more accurately, pay for). Mid-morning, I received an email reply, "I'll be here until 4. Come on by any time!" So down we went.
Y'all. We walked in there cold and walked out an hour and a half later with a graduation plan, a contact for who will evaluate his EMS credits, a full fall schedule, fully registered, with books, a parking pass, a student ID, a map of the campus, and the assurance that he will be coded as an in-state resident for tuition purposes once he turns in one form. (Also of note: he turned it in the next day and they issued him a bill for the in-state tuition. I paid it that day!) We could not get that far in six weeks of diligent effort at the community college here.
And now, he has money left over to buy a commuter car. He has a four-year plan once again. He knows where he stands, what he needs, and what he will need to accomplish in order to reach his goals. This was crazy hard to navigate, and he kept his cool, made sure he did the right thing at every step, kept communicating. I am gobsmacked.
Of course, because of the runaround at the community college, we wasted a lot of time extending good faith to them, and so he's starting the semester a week behind in his hardest subject. Again, what a difference growing up makes! He's been on it every day since he got home from registering, and he's nearly caught up to where the class will be next week.
Sunday, September 2
Thursday, August 30
Co-op
I keep geeking out about co-op. Do you know why? Because it's amazing! Good structured time, followed by good free time, with food thrown in. That's a poor narration, as I'm sure Miss Mason would have observed, but I'm still processing it and thinking deeply about it. So that's all I've got, really.
It's a large group, and they'll likely want to divide up into slightly smaller groups if it continues to grow. But the people are amazing, and the instruction is delightful. If I can ever get John squared away, we'll have so many neat things to do at home that springboard off the topics and activities covered in class.
Everybody's getting brown from being outside so much (except me, I just get a darker shade of yellow - it's not jaundice, just a lucky roll of the pigmented dice).
So, that's ... actually, I started this at some point, and then people. So much talking and processing, and really, that's the work that's on their plates right now.
- How does this work?
- Where does this go?
- How do you not know, either?
- This is weird.
- Can I just put it here and we'll say this is where it goes, now?
- Know what I saw?
- Did you hear that bird? See that bunny? Watch that hawk?
- Come see the sky! (It's always doing something different.)
So that's where a good bulk of my time goes in the day. It's time well spent.
And the co-op really is amazing, but that will have to wait for another day.
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
It's a large group, and they'll likely want to divide up into slightly smaller groups if it continues to grow. But the people are amazing, and the instruction is delightful. If I can ever get John squared away, we'll have so many neat things to do at home that springboard off the topics and activities covered in class.
Everybody's getting brown from being outside so much (except me, I just get a darker shade of yellow - it's not jaundice, just a lucky roll of the pigmented dice).
So, that's ... actually, I started this at some point, and then people. So much talking and processing, and really, that's the work that's on their plates right now.
- How does this work?
- Where does this go?
- How do you not know, either?
- This is weird.
- Can I just put it here and we'll say this is where it goes, now?
- Know what I saw?
- Did you hear that bird? See that bunny? Watch that hawk?
- Come see the sky! (It's always doing something different.)
So that's where a good bulk of my time goes in the day. It's time well spent.
And the co-op really is amazing, but that will have to wait for another day.
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
Wednesday, August 29
The End of the Adrenaline
We've been beasts this week! Go, go, go! Lift, load, shift, hang! Go back for more! Beat that garage back!
Get it done! Get it out! Make the calls! Visit the places! Corner the people! Make it feel like Home!
There has been little rest outside those glorious sunrise coffee-on-the-porch sessions (which may have been what kept me going - those are really nice!)
But I found the end of the adrenaline on Saturday night -- at 9PM, the biggest wall you've ever not seen coming hit me square in the face and I was done. I haven't been that done in ages. Oof. And on that note, I had to pull an executive veto on Sunday's plans.
The day started with an update from Granny (Z's Mom), who had called from the hospital on Friday. She's been on chemo and was feeling pretty puny, punier than seemed right, so her sister called an EMT neighbor to come take a look at her (perks of small town life). He suggested she call her doc or pop on over to Lubbock. She figured her doc would send her to Lubbock, anyway (downside to small town life - it all balances out), so off they went. Yep, her white blood cell count was way too low. They signed her in for a weekend at the spa, complete with complementary gown, fresh IV, and all the tests.
Turned out she had appendicitis! So they got her into surgery Saturday and squared away. She is doing well and her white blood cell count is already back on the rise. That's such a praise and a relief! But it was a humdinger of a day, emotionally.
John and I headed out early that morning for Day 3 of Trying to Register for Classes in Person. (Remember, he MUST be a full-time student to live on base with us.) We spent a lot of time crossing and re-crossing the "holeway" (rather than the hallway - I love that!)
It should have been a pretty straightforward thing, and we had begun the process back in July to make it go as smoothly as possible. Unfortunately, the school hadn't processed his ACT scores (which I know I personally requested and paid for back in July), and they hadn't processed his transcripts (which I know I also paid for the beginning of August and had sent as soon as the semester grades posted), so nobody in the EMS program will talk to him or return his calls.
Since he's missing both test scores and prior learning evidence, he can't register online because he's not cleared in the system as having met the pre-requisites for anything. He can't get an appointment with an EMS advisor because they don't see that he's met any of their requirements for coordinated entry. And the whole process of transferring to another school is a brand new one! Wee! For a fairly timid, quiet young man, this is like living in Munch's Scream.
He took in his NREMT certificate, high school diploma (he's got 36 college credits and is coming in as a transfer student - I'm not sure why they needed that, but they pinged him for not having it, so he provided it), and his BLS certificate. He emailed the student ACT report directly to a counselor (it doesn't count officially, but it did give her the latitude to issue overrides for prerequisites, at least), and then he scrabbled together a full-time schedule out of whatever required courses for an Associate's still have seats available ... 48 hours before the start of the semester. It's an odd semester, and two of the classes are online and don't have times posted, but it's a schedule. And he got a bus pass, so now he can get around town. Yay! He's still hoping to get in front of an EMS faculty member Monday and start getting plugged into their Paramedic program, but at least we won't have the Feds beating down our door to evict him for not being a full-time student. That was a huge relief to have taken care of.
Jacob is still actively dying. I think he's the most sensitive to altitude changes, anyway, and with the dry air, he's having 5-10 nose bleeds a day (the Ponaris should be here Monday or Tuesday). And yet, he made it to Nutcracker auditions. He says he did poorly, and he's very disappointed in himself. I don't know how he could have done more, though, really. I'm neither sick or out of sorts and I can barely get in a shower and a load of wash every day; he's had classes every day since we've been here, made the call on a studio, AND hit auditions -- on top of all the unloading, unpacking, hefting and shifting. I don't know. I'm impressed. I hope they loved him.
We ran down to BIL's house to get some things for the shoot and got to see the vineyard. These are the Sangiovese cuttings - the wee sticks they planted last fall - in the ground and growing! They're so pretty!
On the way home, I checked my phone and saw the reminder for the Regency Ball. D'oh! Noooo! I texted the boys, "Are you ready for the dance? We'll be there in 20!" (They weren't. They, too, had forgotten about it.) But they were ready to roll by the time we got home. We switched vehicles and I drove the boys while Z unloaded the Suburban.
It was sometime on the drive back from dropping them off that I hit the wall. Perhaps it was when the Suburban driver's window wouldn't roll back up after I went through the gate. Perhaps it was when I saw that something had leaked on the front porch. Perhaps it was when I walked in and Z said we had to run back down to BIL's that night because he'd forgotten something we'd need for the shoot. I don't know. I just know that that's when I realized we were going to come apart at the seams if we didn't slow down, if only for a day. And I used my veto power on leaving the house Sunday.
We NEED rest. We NEED to put the house together. We NEED to find the school books. School, co-op, dance, everything starts Monday in earnest, and after that it'll be Life As Usual with little time for the things we really need to have squared away going into it.
Bless Z, he offered to retrieve the boys. I went to bed.
Sunday, we rest. Because you really can't do it all.
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
Get it done! Get it out! Make the calls! Visit the places! Corner the people! Make it feel like Home!
There has been little rest outside those glorious sunrise coffee-on-the-porch sessions (which may have been what kept me going - those are really nice!)
But I found the end of the adrenaline on Saturday night -- at 9PM, the biggest wall you've ever not seen coming hit me square in the face and I was done. I haven't been that done in ages. Oof. And on that note, I had to pull an executive veto on Sunday's plans.
The day started with an update from Granny (Z's Mom), who had called from the hospital on Friday. She's been on chemo and was feeling pretty puny, punier than seemed right, so her sister called an EMT neighbor to come take a look at her (perks of small town life). He suggested she call her doc or pop on over to Lubbock. She figured her doc would send her to Lubbock, anyway (downside to small town life - it all balances out), so off they went. Yep, her white blood cell count was way too low. They signed her in for a weekend at the spa, complete with complementary gown, fresh IV, and all the tests.
Turned out she had appendicitis! So they got her into surgery Saturday and squared away. She is doing well and her white blood cell count is already back on the rise. That's such a praise and a relief! But it was a humdinger of a day, emotionally.
John and I headed out early that morning for Day 3 of Trying to Register for Classes in Person. (Remember, he MUST be a full-time student to live on base with us.) We spent a lot of time crossing and re-crossing the "holeway" (rather than the hallway - I love that!)
It should have been a pretty straightforward thing, and we had begun the process back in July to make it go as smoothly as possible. Unfortunately, the school hadn't processed his ACT scores (which I know I personally requested and paid for back in July), and they hadn't processed his transcripts (which I know I also paid for the beginning of August and had sent as soon as the semester grades posted), so nobody in the EMS program will talk to him or return his calls.
Since he's missing both test scores and prior learning evidence, he can't register online because he's not cleared in the system as having met the pre-requisites for anything. He can't get an appointment with an EMS advisor because they don't see that he's met any of their requirements for coordinated entry. And the whole process of transferring to another school is a brand new one! Wee! For a fairly timid, quiet young man, this is like living in Munch's Scream.
He took in his NREMT certificate, high school diploma (he's got 36 college credits and is coming in as a transfer student - I'm not sure why they needed that, but they pinged him for not having it, so he provided it), and his BLS certificate. He emailed the student ACT report directly to a counselor (it doesn't count officially, but it did give her the latitude to issue overrides for prerequisites, at least), and then he scrabbled together a full-time schedule out of whatever required courses for an Associate's still have seats available ... 48 hours before the start of the semester. It's an odd semester, and two of the classes are online and don't have times posted, but it's a schedule. And he got a bus pass, so now he can get around town. Yay! He's still hoping to get in front of an EMS faculty member Monday and start getting plugged into their Paramedic program, but at least we won't have the Feds beating down our door to evict him for not being a full-time student. That was a huge relief to have taken care of.
Jacob is still actively dying. I think he's the most sensitive to altitude changes, anyway, and with the dry air, he's having 5-10 nose bleeds a day (the Ponaris should be here Monday or Tuesday). And yet, he made it to Nutcracker auditions. He says he did poorly, and he's very disappointed in himself. I don't know how he could have done more, though, really. I'm neither sick or out of sorts and I can barely get in a shower and a load of wash every day; he's had classes every day since we've been here, made the call on a studio, AND hit auditions -- on top of all the unloading, unpacking, hefting and shifting. I don't know. I'm impressed. I hope they loved him.
We ran down to BIL's house to get some things for the shoot and got to see the vineyard. These are the Sangiovese cuttings - the wee sticks they planted last fall - in the ground and growing! They're so pretty!
On the way home, I checked my phone and saw the reminder for the Regency Ball. D'oh! Noooo! I texted the boys, "Are you ready for the dance? We'll be there in 20!" (They weren't. They, too, had forgotten about it.) But they were ready to roll by the time we got home. We switched vehicles and I drove the boys while Z unloaded the Suburban.
It was sometime on the drive back from dropping them off that I hit the wall. Perhaps it was when the Suburban driver's window wouldn't roll back up after I went through the gate. Perhaps it was when I saw that something had leaked on the front porch. Perhaps it was when I walked in and Z said we had to run back down to BIL's that night because he'd forgotten something we'd need for the shoot. I don't know. I just know that that's when I realized we were going to come apart at the seams if we didn't slow down, if only for a day. And I used my veto power on leaving the house Sunday.
We NEED rest. We NEED to put the house together. We NEED to find the school books. School, co-op, dance, everything starts Monday in earnest, and after that it'll be Life As Usual with little time for the things we really need to have squared away going into it.
Bless Z, he offered to retrieve the boys. I went to bed.
Sunday, we rest. Because you really can't do it all.
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
Tuesday, August 28
The Good!
I mentioned that there has been so much good, and there has!
One, the weather. Z had suspected that loading a U-haul in Alabama August and unloading in New Mexico August might help soothe the souls of the uprooted. He was right. It's been absolutely gorgeous here, with light breezes and bright skies.
Bunnies! There are cottontails all around the housing areas and in the desert. They're about half the size of the ones the kids are accustomed to, and they are exponentially higher in population. If it's possible for a little girl to die from squealing in delight and tipping over every time she sees a bunny, Em may not be long for this world.
Co-op! Okay, this hasn't started yet, but the leader of the co-op has been in constant (gentle, not-pushy) communication throughout the move. She has offered help, offered prayers, and just really done such an amazing job of walking that line between keeping you in the loop and pushing so hard that you wish you'd never signed up. I cannot wait to meet this incredible woman and give her a great big, space-invading hug!
Schole! We're going to be discussing Pride & Prejudice after co-op. How's that for fabulous Mother Culture?
Family time together again! This, of course, is the biggest perk. I pulled up to the house the other day and saw the Suburban parked out front. Oh, yeah! Z can come home for lunch! How cool is that?
We'll not be able to visit a church until next Sunday. Z scheduled us to go to a silhouette shoot this last Sunday of the month. He's been looking forward to that since the day he left Alabama. There's no way we could miss it! But even that's a good thing. We get to spend the day in the mountains together, enjoying the weather, the air, the company, and the shoot!
Jacob found a new ballet studio that he is excited to join! And he was offered an apprenticeship with their Company, which thrilled his uprooted heart no end!
Parks and trails and neighbors (not the adjacent one, I don't think, but the others all seem kind).
I'm sure there's more, but the kids could hear me typing and now they're all in here, talking around me and I can't think in complete sentences. So I'm going to go listen to them chatter and ponder the many good things we have today. Together.
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
One, the weather. Z had suspected that loading a U-haul in Alabama August and unloading in New Mexico August might help soothe the souls of the uprooted. He was right. It's been absolutely gorgeous here, with light breezes and bright skies.
Bunnies! There are cottontails all around the housing areas and in the desert. They're about half the size of the ones the kids are accustomed to, and they are exponentially higher in population. If it's possible for a little girl to die from squealing in delight and tipping over every time she sees a bunny, Em may not be long for this world.
Co-op! Okay, this hasn't started yet, but the leader of the co-op has been in constant (gentle, not-pushy) communication throughout the move. She has offered help, offered prayers, and just really done such an amazing job of walking that line between keeping you in the loop and pushing so hard that you wish you'd never signed up. I cannot wait to meet this incredible woman and give her a great big, space-invading hug!
Schole! We're going to be discussing Pride & Prejudice after co-op. How's that for fabulous Mother Culture?
Family time together again! This, of course, is the biggest perk. I pulled up to the house the other day and saw the Suburban parked out front. Oh, yeah! Z can come home for lunch! How cool is that?
We'll not be able to visit a church until next Sunday. Z scheduled us to go to a silhouette shoot this last Sunday of the month. He's been looking forward to that since the day he left Alabama. There's no way we could miss it! But even that's a good thing. We get to spend the day in the mountains together, enjoying the weather, the air, the company, and the shoot!
Jacob found a new ballet studio that he is excited to join! And he was offered an apprenticeship with their Company, which thrilled his uprooted heart no end!
Parks and trails and neighbors (not the adjacent one, I don't think, but the others all seem kind).
I'm sure there's more, but the kids could hear me typing and now they're all in here, talking around me and I can't think in complete sentences. So I'm going to go listen to them chatter and ponder the many good things we have today. Together.
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
Monday, August 27
Move In Day!
We had opted to live on Base for the first year. It seemed like a good idea. We'd had such a great experience with Hunt Property Management through the Army, and we thought that going from post to base would make the adjustment easier on the Littles. We were scheduled to get the keys Monday morning at 10:30. We pulled up just in time, the weather was fine, and ...
And I'll be honest, the grossly abbreviated story that follows has soured me quite a bit. I'm working on it, because nobody wants to live with a soured heart, but I'm not there yet. (Honestly, I tried to convince Z to jettison the entire idea and go with something different in town. We could not come to an agreement, and it's really challenging for everyone to negotiate plans remotely, so we powered through on this one.)
There had been some confusion earlier (starting in July) with our application, as John turned 18 over the summer, and they wanted to know that he was a full-time student in order to allow him to live with us. A letter of acceptance for the fall term at the local college didn't count. They insisted on a verification of enrollment form showing a current schedule of registered classes totaling 15 hours (which the lady claimed is "full time" in New Mexico - heads up, it's not, it's 12 hours, just like every other public school in the lower 48 - and it's six hours for Summer Term, but she knows what she knows). Of course, most kids don't take summer classes between high school graduation and Freshman year of college, but John took 14 hours over the summer, so *whew*! He sent a verification of enrollment from Calhoun, showing full-time status in good standing. There, done.
Nope. They insisted that that wasn't full-time (???Freaks.), and even if it was, it wasn't at UNM (nothing in the rules states that the student must be at any specific institution), and we just really need to understand the rules and since he's not a student (by what metric, we couldn't discern, but they insisted), he can't live with us. Maybe we can re-apply when he's actually a student and we understand the rules. And finally,
"Oh, yeah, that's a new policy we haven't fully implemented yet. It doesn't apply to him, He doesn't have to be in school. He just needs permission from the Base Commander for an exception to policy to allow him to live with you."
So we filed that. And there was more, so much more. They wouldn't give us a lease without base IDs for everyone (but, of course, you can't get a base ID without a reason for being on base, and if your reason for being on base is that you live in base housing, you need a lease...) All of this, however, was supposedly squared away before we ever left Alabama.
We pulled up Monday morning and were told John can't live with us because (wait for it)... he's not a full-time student. (Ah, you caught us! He is not, in fact, actively taking classes BETWEEN SEMESTERS!) They lost our background checks. We have to file a new Exception to Policy form. Oh, and the policy that wasn't implemented three weeks ago was fully implemented while we were on the road, so we DO need all that paperwork, after all. But they tossed the ones we'd submitted before.
Ah, but I have photos of each of them! (Because I do catch on, eventually.)
Oh, so sorry. We have new forms, now. So you'll need to re-do those, as well. No, you cannot move in until all of that is done over. It'll only take 3-5 days, but don't worry because it's a process. Trust us. We're the government, and we're here to help!
We have spent hours each day this week getting this sorted. There was some kind of act of benevolence that allowed someone to recognize what a cluster this whole thing is and issue an order to allow us to move in by using the 30-day grace period they have (that. no. one. thought. to. mention. before...) Today is Friday, and he is finally on the lease as of 4:30 yesterday afternoon.
Of course, the badge system is down, so none of us has base IDs yet. We had to get extended temporary passes yesterday morning before Z left TDY because we can't renew without him, and ours were set to expire five hours after the office closed on Friday and one hour after he returned from his trip. So that could have been an awkward impromptu night in a hotel! Bless, bless, BLESS the kind airman who laminated our temporary passes for us so that they'll last the month! Truly, he has been the absolute highlight of the move-in process, and I hope he has a long and fruitful career in the Air Force. He's my favorite!
In the meantime, I'm playing heck establishing John's NM identity! You can't get a library card or NM driver's license without proof of residency. You can't apply for EMS licensure in the State without proof that you live here. And you can't apply for a tuition residency waiver without a NM license and proof of residency. (All sane requirements. Normally, it's not this blessed difficult to get a kid put on a lease!) But that's okay, because we still haven't been able to get him registered for classes, which start Monday.
So this particular part of the move hasn't been a hoot, I'll be upfront about that.
However, there has also been so much good! I'll fill you in on that tomorrow!
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
And I'll be honest, the grossly abbreviated story that follows has soured me quite a bit. I'm working on it, because nobody wants to live with a soured heart, but I'm not there yet. (Honestly, I tried to convince Z to jettison the entire idea and go with something different in town. We could not come to an agreement, and it's really challenging for everyone to negotiate plans remotely, so we powered through on this one.)
There had been some confusion earlier (starting in July) with our application, as John turned 18 over the summer, and they wanted to know that he was a full-time student in order to allow him to live with us. A letter of acceptance for the fall term at the local college didn't count. They insisted on a verification of enrollment form showing a current schedule of registered classes totaling 15 hours (which the lady claimed is "full time" in New Mexico - heads up, it's not, it's 12 hours, just like every other public school in the lower 48 - and it's six hours for Summer Term, but she knows what she knows). Of course, most kids don't take summer classes between high school graduation and Freshman year of college, but John took 14 hours over the summer, so *whew*! He sent a verification of enrollment from Calhoun, showing full-time status in good standing. There, done.
Nope. They insisted that that wasn't full-time (???Freaks.), and even if it was, it wasn't at UNM (nothing in the rules states that the student must be at any specific institution), and we just really need to understand the rules and since he's not a student (by what metric, we couldn't discern, but they insisted), he can't live with us. Maybe we can re-apply when he's actually a student and we understand the rules. And finally,
"Oh, yeah, that's a new policy we haven't fully implemented yet. It doesn't apply to him, He doesn't have to be in school. He just needs permission from the Base Commander for an exception to policy to allow him to live with you."
So we filed that. And there was more, so much more. They wouldn't give us a lease without base IDs for everyone (but, of course, you can't get a base ID without a reason for being on base, and if your reason for being on base is that you live in base housing, you need a lease...) All of this, however, was supposedly squared away before we ever left Alabama.
We pulled up Monday morning and were told John can't live with us because (wait for it)... he's not a full-time student. (Ah, you caught us! He is not, in fact, actively taking classes BETWEEN SEMESTERS!) They lost our background checks. We have to file a new Exception to Policy form. Oh, and the policy that wasn't implemented three weeks ago was fully implemented while we were on the road, so we DO need all that paperwork, after all. But they tossed the ones we'd submitted before.
Ah, but I have photos of each of them! (Because I do catch on, eventually.)
Oh, so sorry. We have new forms, now. So you'll need to re-do those, as well. No, you cannot move in until all of that is done over. It'll only take 3-5 days, but don't worry because it's a process. Trust us. We're the government, and we're here to help!
We have spent hours each day this week getting this sorted. There was some kind of act of benevolence that allowed someone to recognize what a cluster this whole thing is and issue an order to allow us to move in by using the 30-day grace period they have (that. no. one. thought. to. mention. before...) Today is Friday, and he is finally on the lease as of 4:30 yesterday afternoon.
Of course, the badge system is down, so none of us has base IDs yet. We had to get extended temporary passes yesterday morning before Z left TDY because we can't renew without him, and ours were set to expire five hours after the office closed on Friday and one hour after he returned from his trip. So that could have been an awkward impromptu night in a hotel! Bless, bless, BLESS the kind airman who laminated our temporary passes for us so that they'll last the month! Truly, he has been the absolute highlight of the move-in process, and I hope he has a long and fruitful career in the Air Force. He's my favorite!
In the meantime, I'm playing heck establishing John's NM identity! You can't get a library card or NM driver's license without proof of residency. You can't apply for EMS licensure in the State without proof that you live here. And you can't apply for a tuition residency waiver without a NM license and proof of residency. (All sane requirements. Normally, it's not this blessed difficult to get a kid put on a lease!) But that's okay, because we still haven't been able to get him registered for classes, which start Monday.
So this particular part of the move hasn't been a hoot, I'll be upfront about that.
However, there has also been so much good! I'll fill you in on that tomorrow!
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
Sunday, August 26
The Move, Days 3, 4
We were going to go to Amarillo and stay the night before heading to Uncle Bo's place on Sunday. Sometime Friday evening, though, Uncle Bo called to say it really wasn't that far from OKC to his place and that we were welcome to come on ahead and stay a couple of nights with him. So that's what we did. We pulled up at the ranch, poured out, and enjoyed two very beautiful, pastoral, comforting days with Uncle Bo.
There was so much to see and do while we were there. Em and Jase thoroughly enjoyed being able to be outside and be comfortable - they threw rocks, experimented with levers and cantilevers, roamed and wandered. We looked for arrowheads (actually, they get distracted easily, so they mostly just looked for pretty rocks, of which they found plenty, so it was a successful outing).
We walked very cautiously past the cows and the bull. We sat and enjoyed the dry air, the cool breeze, the magnificent lightning storms all around us. The kids' biggest surprise was the intensity of the sun! Although it wasn't hot out, the sun was so bright and so piercing that it caught them off guard. They rolled with it pretty well, though.
Uncle Bo shared stories and fed us pretty well, also, which we all appreciated and enjoyed. By the time we loaded up Monday morning for that last leg, we were refreshed and ready to get "home"!
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
Saturday, August 25
The Move, Day 2
This was the longest leg of our journey west. We drove from West Memphis to just west of Oklahoma City. It rained the whole way (not a big deal for me, but Z was driving a 26' U-haul towing a 12' trailer - I imagine he had a much different drive than I did).
The kids were going to trade off vehicles each day, but the Littles so enjoyed riding in the big truck, and the Bigs really dug being able to stretch out and play their music, that we just stuck with that configuration for the whole trip. It worked well.
Of course, I love time in the car with one or two of the kids at a time. It gets quiet, and then they talk. It's wonderful.
We wanted to get past Oklahoma City so that we could avoid the morning traffic the next day. That worked well.
We were parked in the back of the hotel, facing a Cracker Barrel. The Littles' bikes were on a bike rack on the Highlander, and we considered bringing them into the hotel, but they were secured pretty tightly and we didn't figure it would be a problem. That did not go so well. When we came out the next morning, all the straps had been cut and somebody's got two brand new bikes.
The Littles were upset, of course, but they handled it well. They thought up a few apt curses upon the thieves, but haven't dwelled on it or allowed it to ruin their trip and the move. I'm pretty proud of them for that.
Z headed out with the Littles while the rest of us stayed to give a police report. If they're found, we have someone local who will hold them for us. I haven't heard back, yet (and haven't had time to follow up), though, so I'm not feeling optimistic. Lesson learned. Expensive lesson, but at least we know it'll stick. Always take your bikes in!
At least they left the kayaks. I suppose those are harder to make a nonchalant getaway on.
Again, learn from our mistakes:
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
The kids were going to trade off vehicles each day, but the Littles so enjoyed riding in the big truck, and the Bigs really dug being able to stretch out and play their music, that we just stuck with that configuration for the whole trip. It worked well.
Of course, I love time in the car with one or two of the kids at a time. It gets quiet, and then they talk. It's wonderful.
We wanted to get past Oklahoma City so that we could avoid the morning traffic the next day. That worked well.
We were parked in the back of the hotel, facing a Cracker Barrel. The Littles' bikes were on a bike rack on the Highlander, and we considered bringing them into the hotel, but they were secured pretty tightly and we didn't figure it would be a problem. That did not go so well. When we came out the next morning, all the straps had been cut and somebody's got two brand new bikes.
The Littles were upset, of course, but they handled it well. They thought up a few apt curses upon the thieves, but haven't dwelled on it or allowed it to ruin their trip and the move. I'm pretty proud of them for that.
Z headed out with the Littles while the rest of us stayed to give a police report. If they're found, we have someone local who will hold them for us. I haven't heard back, yet (and haven't had time to follow up), though, so I'm not feeling optimistic. Lesson learned. Expensive lesson, but at least we know it'll stick. Always take your bikes in!
At least they left the kayaks. I suppose those are harder to make a nonchalant getaway on.
Again, learn from our mistakes:
ALWAYS TAKE YOUR BIKES IN!
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
Friday, August 24
The Move, in Retrospect
We're here, now! And it's glorious!
But let me fill you in...
We had help with the packing and loading the last two days we were in Huntsville. Wonderful people, but they wouldn't just get IN the U-haul. So we're going to have to find more (which, at the end of life, is part of the Good Stuff).
Pizza. Cold beer (not for the minors, of course). One last game of Werewolf. James was still hauling his stuff to the RV and had one more load to go as the U-haul pulled out.
I assume he got it all. I haven't had the oompf to ask. (Although he is alive and not starving, and he has wonderful people around him, so that's really all I care about. Stuff can be replaced or gone without. He, however, is irreplaceable.)
It started to rain as we pulled out of the drive, which seemed an appropriate send off.
Then it rained all the way to West Memphis, where we stopped for the night. All safe and sound! All in one piece!
So, that was Day 1.
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
But let me fill you in...
We had help with the packing and loading the last two days we were in Huntsville. Wonderful people, but they wouldn't just get IN the U-haul. So we're going to have to find more (which, at the end of life, is part of the Good Stuff).
Pizza. Cold beer (not for the minors, of course). One last game of Werewolf. James was still hauling his stuff to the RV and had one more load to go as the U-haul pulled out.
I assume he got it all. I haven't had the oompf to ask. (Although he is alive and not starving, and he has wonderful people around him, so that's really all I care about. Stuff can be replaced or gone without. He, however, is irreplaceable.)
It started to rain as we pulled out of the drive, which seemed an appropriate send off.
Then it rained all the way to West Memphis, where we stopped for the night. All safe and sound! All in one piece!
So, that was Day 1.
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
Sunday, July 29
NREMT Certified!
John passed his NREMT certification!
But we didn't know at first.
He went to take the exam, knowing that it's adaptive, and that he needed to set aside two hours to take it. He called me after about half an hour.
"Wow! You're done? How'd it go?"
"Not great. It shut down on me after 70 questions. I'll have to try again in two weeks."
Oh. Oh, my. Well. Huh.
So when he got home, we had some tea and sympathy. He licked his wounds that night, processed a little bit. ("I don't understand it. I felt good. I didn't feel panicky. I felt confident. I hadn't hit any I didn't feel like I knew...")
The next day, he lined up some new study material - found some apps, some online practice exams, we ordered the Kaplan EMT Study Guide. He reached out to his EMS instructors to ask if they had any suggestions as to what he might do differently going forward. (Honestly, as disappointed as I was for him, I was also very proud of him for the way he responded.) He did the math, had a little queasiness thinking about retaking the exam, and then having to do 145 hours of clinicals during finals week, then he took a swig of coffee and settled in.
Over the next few days, he took many practice exams. He consistently scored 98%, 93%, 95%. Every time. This really didn't make sense. I had suggested that if he failed it the second time, we consider looking into whether he'd gotten a strong enough grip on his test anxiety, because that just ... didn't make any sense.
Tuesday morning, he headed to class. The guys in class (several of them are prior service, all are licensed EMTs, and to a man, they have all taken him in as one of theirs - I love these folks) asked him how it went. He told them that he'd failed. "Oh, man, that stinks. How long did they keep you there?" In retelling this story to me, he said there was the sound of a needle scratching on a record at that point. What? What do you mean? It kicked me out at 70.
That's when the guys told him that's usually a GOOD sign. So right there, during labs, they encouraged him to log on to his account and see if his score had posted.
He did.
He'd passed.
I do not think I have ever heard physically tangible relief in a person's voice as I did when he called to tell me. It was beautiful.
So yes, definitely don't assume anything. That would save us all a world of unnecessary worry. 😉 However, it was a wonderful opportunity for him to really look at himself in the mirror and see a man of conviction, of fortitude, of endurance. He needed that, and it was a good feeling. (Not as good as finding out he'd passed, granted, but for the long haul, it's much better to know how you respond to failure than to live with the niggling worry of an unanswered "what if I fail" gnawing at the back of your mind.)
Now he knows. If you fail, you take a deep breath, recalibrate, and try again.
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
But we didn't know at first.
He went to take the exam, knowing that it's adaptive, and that he needed to set aside two hours to take it. He called me after about half an hour.
"Wow! You're done? How'd it go?"
"Not great. It shut down on me after 70 questions. I'll have to try again in two weeks."
Oh. Oh, my. Well. Huh.
So when he got home, we had some tea and sympathy. He licked his wounds that night, processed a little bit. ("I don't understand it. I felt good. I didn't feel panicky. I felt confident. I hadn't hit any I didn't feel like I knew...")
The next day, he lined up some new study material - found some apps, some online practice exams, we ordered the Kaplan EMT Study Guide. He reached out to his EMS instructors to ask if they had any suggestions as to what he might do differently going forward. (Honestly, as disappointed as I was for him, I was also very proud of him for the way he responded.) He did the math, had a little queasiness thinking about retaking the exam, and then having to do 145 hours of clinicals during finals week, then he took a swig of coffee and settled in.
Over the next few days, he took many practice exams. He consistently scored 98%, 93%, 95%. Every time. This really didn't make sense. I had suggested that if he failed it the second time, we consider looking into whether he'd gotten a strong enough grip on his test anxiety, because that just ... didn't make any sense.
Tuesday morning, he headed to class. The guys in class (several of them are prior service, all are licensed EMTs, and to a man, they have all taken him in as one of theirs - I love these folks) asked him how it went. He told them that he'd failed. "Oh, man, that stinks. How long did they keep you there?" In retelling this story to me, he said there was the sound of a needle scratching on a record at that point. What? What do you mean? It kicked me out at 70.
That's when the guys told him that's usually a GOOD sign. So right there, during labs, they encouraged him to log on to his account and see if his score had posted.
He did.
He'd passed.
I do not think I have ever heard physically tangible relief in a person's voice as I did when he called to tell me. It was beautiful.
So yes, definitely don't assume anything. That would save us all a world of unnecessary worry. 😉 However, it was a wonderful opportunity for him to really look at himself in the mirror and see a man of conviction, of fortitude, of endurance. He needed that, and it was a good feeling. (Not as good as finding out he'd passed, granted, but for the long haul, it's much better to know how you respond to failure than to live with the niggling worry of an unanswered "what if I fail" gnawing at the back of your mind.)
Now he knows. If you fail, you take a deep breath, recalibrate, and try again.
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
Friday, July 27
Packing
There is a great divide between what I'm glad to move and what the kids want to move. Clearly, we should have been more transient during their formative years.
That said, we're still packing ...
Only one more month until our family is mostly back together!
We'll lose James, who is staying here, but we're gaining Z back. This is how it should be. Having children grow up and head out is bittersweet. But having your spouse so far away is just the pits.
We've handled it really well, I think. We knew it was temporary, and technology has made it so much easier than when I was a kid. (Remember hearing, "Is it long distance? Then, no, you can't call." *WOOHOO* glad that's over!)
I'm certain that, had Z and I been born in the 1800s, either I'd have had to go with him, or we'd have just had to say goodbye and gotten on with our lives. Then, one day, it would have been a glorious surprise reunion when he pulled up at the front door. Which would also have been fine. Just not as seamless. Or maybe it would have been because that's just how it was and I'm spoiled by being able to get and send texts, photos, phone calls. Also true (I am), and it's difficult to imagine things being what they are in a context that's different from what it is. But the human mind and soul are pretty darned adaptable and willing to find contentment if they're trained to look for it. So there is that.
That said, one more month! W00t:
Be encouraged!
~Dy
That said, we're still packing ...
Only one more month until our family is mostly back together!
We'll lose James, who is staying here, but we're gaining Z back. This is how it should be. Having children grow up and head out is bittersweet. But having your spouse so far away is just the pits.
We've handled it really well, I think. We knew it was temporary, and technology has made it so much easier than when I was a kid. (Remember hearing, "Is it long distance? Then, no, you can't call." *WOOHOO* glad that's over!)
I'm certain that, had Z and I been born in the 1800s, either I'd have had to go with him, or we'd have just had to say goodbye and gotten on with our lives. Then, one day, it would have been a glorious surprise reunion when he pulled up at the front door. Which would also have been fine. Just not as seamless. Or maybe it would have been because that's just how it was and I'm spoiled by being able to get and send texts, photos, phone calls. Also true (I am), and it's difficult to imagine things being what they are in a context that's different from what it is. But the human mind and soul are pretty darned adaptable and willing to find contentment if they're trained to look for it. So there is that.
That said, one more month! W00t:
Be encouraged!
~Dy
Wednesday, July 25
I got my port out
The occasion was rife with puns -
Port out, Starboard home! POSH with a capitol P-O-S-H. (It's okay if you sang that in your head.)
One of the kids asked if I was no longer portable.
Z, of course, asked me later how the deportation went. (Puns are bad for a reason, folks.)
My sweet Nutty Professor son got up early to go with me. We had a lovely morning of chatting contentedly over our current reads. He let me sniff his coffee (I couldn't have anything by mouth pre-op). And then he drove me home when it was over. Acts of Mercy, right there.
Of course, he didn't understand my deep appreciation. "Of course! What was I going to do, tell you to piss off?" LOL. Well, no. I wouldn't have expected that response. However, it soothes my soul to know that you realize that would be an inappropriate response to someone's need for help, and it gladdens my heart to know that you are so willing to serve and to be present (and cheerfully present, at that) when you can give aid. So shut up and accept my heartfelt appreciation, please.
And then he misplaced the prescriptions. I get that usually you don't want to give the paperwork to the one who's recently been drugged. And the surgeon doesn't have a 19yo son, so he wouldn't know. I'm just hoping it was only for pain relief and not antibiotics... (I'll clean out the car today and look for it.)
But that's it! In two weeks or so, if I have an itch I can just scratch to my heart's content without snagging on my port. And that's rather exciting! It's the little things.
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
Port out, Starboard home! POSH with a capitol P-O-S-H. (It's okay if you sang that in your head.)
One of the kids asked if I was no longer portable.
Z, of course, asked me later how the deportation went. (Puns are bad for a reason, folks.)
My sweet Nutty Professor son got up early to go with me. We had a lovely morning of chatting contentedly over our current reads. He let me sniff his coffee (I couldn't have anything by mouth pre-op). And then he drove me home when it was over. Acts of Mercy, right there.
Of course, he didn't understand my deep appreciation. "Of course! What was I going to do, tell you to piss off?" LOL. Well, no. I wouldn't have expected that response. However, it soothes my soul to know that you realize that would be an inappropriate response to someone's need for help, and it gladdens my heart to know that you are so willing to serve and to be present (and cheerfully present, at that) when you can give aid. So shut up and accept my heartfelt appreciation, please.
And then he misplaced the prescriptions. I get that usually you don't want to give the paperwork to the one who's recently been drugged. And the surgeon doesn't have a 19yo son, so he wouldn't know. I'm just hoping it was only for pain relief and not antibiotics... (I'll clean out the car today and look for it.)
But that's it! In two weeks or so, if I have an itch I can just scratch to my heart's content without snagging on my port. And that's rather exciting! It's the little things.
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
Sunday, July 15
All clear! Fire the canons!
We watched Mary Poppins this week (part of a rather shame-faced endeavor on my part to get the Littles spooled up on the musicals they don't know yet - oops! Talk about gaps in one's education!)
Then Friday I had labs (still cancer-free - doc pushed for just one thin scan in January. But no, that wasn't the deal. Thanks, tho-)
And it's awkward to know whether to shout it from the roof tops or to take the British WWII approach, straighten my jacket and carry on about my business. I land awkwardly somewhere in the middle. Straight jacket (as opposed to a strait jacket, LOL), carry on, with occasional loudish bouts of, "Oh, thank heavens!"
But this time, I kind of laughed to myself a bit because I realized I probably come off more as the crazy retired Navy Admiral from Mary Poppins. Heh. Could be worse, I suppose.
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
Friday, July 13
Not Quite A Countdown
It's ...
1 day until we enjoy the 4th of July festivities with our wonderful peeps.
10 days until John takes the NREMT. (Please pray he passes on the first try - it's not whether he knows the material, but facing testing, for that one.)
17 days until I get my dancing boy back with all of his stories, laughter, commentary, and debris.
15 days until I get to do one last road trip with one of my best friends here. And Circe. Woohoo!
18 days until I see my honey again. And my boy. (Z will be here to retrieve him from Nashville. But he can do his own countdown.)
21 days until the REAL packing begins and we start eating off paper plates.
37 days until the end of Summer Semester, when I'll have an official Sophomore in college and a second semester Freshman! Wow. Where'd that time go?
About 40 days until I'm a New Mexican again! (We don't have specifics, there, so that's just sort of a vaguely shaded in section of the calendar.) I'm definitely leaving a big part of my heart here in Alabama, but I would be lying if I said I'm not looking forward to green chiles and cool nights, to dry air and dusty trails. Mostly, at this point, I'm looking forward to having Zorak back. Miss that man something fierce!
That would be one decorative, complex paper chain, wouldn't it?
Today we've mowed, packed the linen closet, done some laundry and some school.
The kids learned the word "prosaic" this week, which is a very cool word. It's also delightfully ornate considering it's meaning. That just tickled Jase.
We're nearly done with Dandelion Fire and Lurker at the Threshold. We've caught up with Father Geoff on the Book of Judges. (I'm looking at this reading list and thinking we need to throw in some lighthearted reading ... that's all a bit dark for warm summer afternoons.)
I've got to get more packing done, and shift a box of goodies to Jacob while I'm out today running errands. Don't really want to, but the post office isn't open at two in the morning, when it's cooler out.
What are you looking forward to?
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
1 day until we enjoy the 4th of July festivities with our wonderful peeps.
10 days until John takes the NREMT. (Please pray he passes on the first try - it's not whether he knows the material, but facing testing, for that one.)
17 days until I get my dancing boy back with all of his stories, laughter, commentary, and debris.
15 days until I get to do one last road trip with one of my best friends here. And Circe. Woohoo!
18 days until I see my honey again. And my boy. (Z will be here to retrieve him from Nashville. But he can do his own countdown.)
21 days until the REAL packing begins and we start eating off paper plates.
37 days until the end of Summer Semester, when I'll have an official Sophomore in college and a second semester Freshman! Wow. Where'd that time go?
About 40 days until I'm a New Mexican again! (We don't have specifics, there, so that's just sort of a vaguely shaded in section of the calendar.) I'm definitely leaving a big part of my heart here in Alabama, but I would be lying if I said I'm not looking forward to green chiles and cool nights, to dry air and dusty trails. Mostly, at this point, I'm looking forward to having Zorak back. Miss that man something fierce!
That would be one decorative, complex paper chain, wouldn't it?
Today we've mowed, packed the linen closet, done some laundry and some school.
The kids learned the word "prosaic" this week, which is a very cool word. It's also delightfully ornate considering it's meaning. That just tickled Jase.
We're nearly done with Dandelion Fire and Lurker at the Threshold. We've caught up with Father Geoff on the Book of Judges. (I'm looking at this reading list and thinking we need to throw in some lighthearted reading ... that's all a bit dark for warm summer afternoons.)
I've got to get more packing done, and shift a box of goodies to Jacob while I'm out today running errands. Don't really want to, but the post office isn't open at two in the morning, when it's cooler out.
What are you looking forward to?
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
Wednesday, July 11
Shifting the View
After I spent a wonderful day with a friend, she gently reminded me to be sure to make time for my people. She's right. I know she's right. I completely spaced that Wednesday was Wednesday, so I missed book club. When I saw the text asking if I was coming, the Littles had bread in the oven, I had fat bomb shrapnel all over the counter, and I'd just sent the kids out to bike to the park while I cleaned up. To me, it was just that Wednesday had gotten away from me. It's happened to all of us in book club. It's no big deal. To them, though, it was part of a countdown in the few remaining Wednesdays we have together.
I've sensed a tension, or a dissonance, lately that I haven't been able to articulate, but I felt that at its core was that I'm not handling something well. So tonight, I sat down with some other Very Insightful Women and asked for help hashing out the disconnect. What am I not coping well with? (Other than calendars. Those are always hard.) Where am I not meeting the people I love in a way that is meaningful for them? And how can I do it without giving up the things I actually, legitimately NEED to be doing right now? Where is this stress coming from?
Of course, the first response is generally, "Why are you still trying to do school?" And that's actually a highly pertinent question. Homeschoolers are notorious for strangling themselves to the point of turning blue as they try to maintain a normal school routine through the most riotous of life's upheavals. "The school crate can just go into the moving van right before it pulls away. Bobby, you make sure to grab the microscope. I'll have hand sanitizer in the car for everyone, so go ahead and finish your dissection while I do the walkthrough and turn in the keys." Yeah, that's a thing.
In this case, however, our schooling is just the Littles right now. And they're getting some much-needed time and attention while the oldest two are no longer my monkeys in this circus, and the third is away for a while. It's also been a total sanity saver for me to have the gentle rhythm of the days. Chasing down two children for history is downright pleasant after the pace of the last few years! Plus, it's a very Charlotte Mason inspired schedule, which is relaxing and legit nourishing. We don't school for long, but we do get that time together. It's been Good. If I have to stop that right now, I might cry. But I did promise that I will ditch school after Circe and before the move. That was a good reality check.
So we talked about that, about life, about expectations and reality. We talked about the importance of accepting help and the importance of people. All good stuff, but no real epiphanies. And then, it hit me. It's the shifting of the lens, and right now it's like we're all wearing glasses that were cobbled together with two different prescription lenses.
Right now, all of the co-ops and field trips and audition planning is happening. NOW is the time to sign up for the fall. This is when the plans are laid. We'll be in NM come the fall, so my planning time is spent in the NM groups right now. Because we're going to be there in September when they do the farm field trip, not here.We need to find resources there, and sign up for events there, and dive into preparing for life there. This is just the nature of the season.
So I'm at the point where there are things I'm looking forward to about the move. (This is lens 1.) I'm looking forward to the family retreat in October, to the horseback riding lessons I've signed the kids up for, to the co-op that I found and willingly joined (I'll tell you more about that later - it's pretty exciting). I'm looking forward to the silhouette shoots with my husband, and hunting in the Gila again, and taking the kids to see the luminarias in Old Town at Christmas. I'm looking forward to signing Em up for snowboarding lessons and Jacob up for ballet. This is my job. I round up the resources and get excited about the plans. It's what I've done for 16 years. At this point, it's almost Pavlovian the way it works. This is just the first time in 13 years that those plans are waiting for us someplace else, but everything else about it feels very familiar.
And for our beautiful, amazing friends, they're not excited about these things. They are still trying to make eye contact with the idea of us leaving. They're mourning. They want to savor the time we have left, and to enjoy these last few weeks of outings and other Lasts with us. It's not that I don't also feel that loss, but that it's weighing more heavily on them right now. (And this is lens 2.) They aren't ready to get excited about whatever New Mexico has to offer us because it's all just reminders that we're leaving.
We are so very fortunate. Our friends here really do comprise that kind of Once In A Lifetime group -- vastly different women from different backgrounds and personalities and perspectives, but all incredibly supportive of one another and loving toward one another. Each one of them is the kind of person you'd consider yourself blessed to have just one of in your life, and we've all managed to find each other! And the kids! Oh, this group of kids! Without fail, every one of them is loved and cherished not only by each other, but by each of the moms in the group. That's a pretty incredible cadre to have in your life. And here we are, breaking up the band. And that's sad. It really is.
So it felt good to get a handle on where the dissonance was stemming from. I'm not looking forward to leaving them, even though there is much that I am looking forward to in the coming months. And they have many things they are looking forward to, but our leaving isn't among them. How to thread that needle is a little tricky, but I feel like I have a better grasp on how to do it now. So that was a relief.
And now, hopefully, I can merge the two lenses so that I don't feel like I'm going to be so dizzy I topple over. And hopefully, too, I can help my precious friends feel supported and loved on in the way the need to be.
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
I've sensed a tension, or a dissonance, lately that I haven't been able to articulate, but I felt that at its core was that I'm not handling something well. So tonight, I sat down with some other Very Insightful Women and asked for help hashing out the disconnect. What am I not coping well with? (Other than calendars. Those are always hard.) Where am I not meeting the people I love in a way that is meaningful for them? And how can I do it without giving up the things I actually, legitimately NEED to be doing right now? Where is this stress coming from?
Of course, the first response is generally, "Why are you still trying to do school?" And that's actually a highly pertinent question. Homeschoolers are notorious for strangling themselves to the point of turning blue as they try to maintain a normal school routine through the most riotous of life's upheavals. "The school crate can just go into the moving van right before it pulls away. Bobby, you make sure to grab the microscope. I'll have hand sanitizer in the car for everyone, so go ahead and finish your dissection while I do the walkthrough and turn in the keys." Yeah, that's a thing.
In this case, however, our schooling is just the Littles right now. And they're getting some much-needed time and attention while the oldest two are no longer my monkeys in this circus, and the third is away for a while. It's also been a total sanity saver for me to have the gentle rhythm of the days. Chasing down two children for history is downright pleasant after the pace of the last few years! Plus, it's a very Charlotte Mason inspired schedule, which is relaxing and legit nourishing. We don't school for long, but we do get that time together. It's been Good. If I have to stop that right now, I might cry. But I did promise that I will ditch school after Circe and before the move. That was a good reality check.
So we talked about that, about life, about expectations and reality. We talked about the importance of accepting help and the importance of people. All good stuff, but no real epiphanies. And then, it hit me. It's the shifting of the lens, and right now it's like we're all wearing glasses that were cobbled together with two different prescription lenses.
Right now, all of the co-ops and field trips and audition planning is happening. NOW is the time to sign up for the fall. This is when the plans are laid. We'll be in NM come the fall, so my planning time is spent in the NM groups right now. Because we're going to be there in September when they do the farm field trip, not here.We need to find resources there, and sign up for events there, and dive into preparing for life there. This is just the nature of the season.
So I'm at the point where there are things I'm looking forward to about the move. (This is lens 1.) I'm looking forward to the family retreat in October, to the horseback riding lessons I've signed the kids up for, to the co-op that I found and willingly joined (I'll tell you more about that later - it's pretty exciting). I'm looking forward to the silhouette shoots with my husband, and hunting in the Gila again, and taking the kids to see the luminarias in Old Town at Christmas. I'm looking forward to signing Em up for snowboarding lessons and Jacob up for ballet. This is my job. I round up the resources and get excited about the plans. It's what I've done for 16 years. At this point, it's almost Pavlovian the way it works. This is just the first time in 13 years that those plans are waiting for us someplace else, but everything else about it feels very familiar.
And for our beautiful, amazing friends, they're not excited about these things. They are still trying to make eye contact with the idea of us leaving. They're mourning. They want to savor the time we have left, and to enjoy these last few weeks of outings and other Lasts with us. It's not that I don't also feel that loss, but that it's weighing more heavily on them right now. (And this is lens 2.) They aren't ready to get excited about whatever New Mexico has to offer us because it's all just reminders that we're leaving.
We are so very fortunate. Our friends here really do comprise that kind of Once In A Lifetime group -- vastly different women from different backgrounds and personalities and perspectives, but all incredibly supportive of one another and loving toward one another. Each one of them is the kind of person you'd consider yourself blessed to have just one of in your life, and we've all managed to find each other! And the kids! Oh, this group of kids! Without fail, every one of them is loved and cherished not only by each other, but by each of the moms in the group. That's a pretty incredible cadre to have in your life. And here we are, breaking up the band. And that's sad. It really is.
So it felt good to get a handle on where the dissonance was stemming from. I'm not looking forward to leaving them, even though there is much that I am looking forward to in the coming months. And they have many things they are looking forward to, but our leaving isn't among them. How to thread that needle is a little tricky, but I feel like I have a better grasp on how to do it now. So that was a relief.
And now, hopefully, I can merge the two lenses so that I don't feel like I'm going to be so dizzy I topple over. And hopefully, too, I can help my precious friends feel supported and loved on in the way the need to be.
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
Monday, July 9
The Loveliest Day
We had just the sweetest day today. It got off to an uncontrolled and awkward start (why is Lily's chocolate so hard to find? I feel like that should be sold in every corner market from here to Bangladesh.) My shower has developed some weird stigmata in the wall, and the hall bath wall appears to be trying to escape toward the commons areas (going to alert the housing office about that in the morning). And this kitchen, tho-- Oh, my word, it's a one-butt kitchen and we're an All Butts On Deck kind of cooking family, so there's a lot of bouncing off one another as we try to work in there.
But we didn't give up. We punted. We made do. We ran with what we had.
And in the end, we still got to spend the day watching an anime marathon and eating snacks with friends. There was a crazy hard thunderstorm that swept over us, so the light was dim and cozy and the storm beat back some of the hot'n'sticky in the air.
We put this on the calendar several weeks ago. I could have (should have? nah) done a dozen things to prepare for moving. But what we really needed was time to just curl up with friends and laugh. That accomplished so much more than any checklist could have, truly.
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
But we didn't give up. We punted. We made do. We ran with what we had.
And in the end, we still got to spend the day watching an anime marathon and eating snacks with friends. There was a crazy hard thunderstorm that swept over us, so the light was dim and cozy and the storm beat back some of the hot'n'sticky in the air.
We put this on the calendar several weeks ago. I could have (should have? nah) done a dozen things to prepare for moving. But what we really needed was time to just curl up with friends and laugh. That accomplished so much more than any checklist could have, truly.
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
Saturday, July 7
What Else Has Been Going On?
Once again, we have jettisoned a car with much cheering and applause.
John's Buick started blowing the upper radiator hose. Just out of nowhere it started doing it as if it had picked up a fun new hobby. He took to carrying a full took kit, complete with a magnetic tool retriever (not that it did any good - we lost four screws down there and never were able to retrieve a single one - they just fall down and disappear into another dimension), and a couple gallons of water. It had been having issues for a while, but this is the issue that ended the struggle.
I even got a little frustrated at one point and went down to put the damn hose clamp on, myself. (The Buick Rendezvous is a terrible design. Just a heads up. It's a neat car. Cool idea. Yet clearly designed by someone who hates himself, hates the world, and reserves special hatred for people who work on their own cars. I have never in my life seen such a poorly designed space.) Anyway, although John is really great at spooling up on how to fix known issues, and even though he knows how to put on a hose clamp, it just didn't make sense. I figured the lousy design was just making it harder than it had to be (which it was). But I thought at least I know that I know how to use a hose clamp and how to get a hose on properly. We could put this issue to rest, certainly.
He texted the next time he left the house. It had done it again.
At that point, we agreed it was time to give AAA towing a try. He figured it out, got the thing towed to a mechanic. The mechanic took a look at it, put the hose on, good to go.
Until he left the house again. (Always on his way to something with a defined start time. Always. Blessedly, he's been driving crappy, unreliable cars since he first got his license, so he's really good about leaving "mechanic time" in his schedule.)
This time, there was smoke. 😲
Back to the mechanic. Turned out there was a problem in the engine. Something leaking. Too much pressure. That's why it was blowing the hose. But at this point, it had gotten just warm enough just often enough that the heads had warped. Or whatever. At any rate, it needed a new engine.
Mechanic didn't want to fix it.
I didn't want to pay him to fix it. (Not what it was going to cost to replace the engine on top of the other unrelated things it also needed, like tie rods and so forth.)
James and John are cool with carpooling over the summer.
I'm even cooler with not paying insurance on another car.
So, we junked it, and hopefully the sound body and intact interior will provide some blessed surprise and joy to some other poor soul spending his time working on his Buick Rendezvous. We hope it makes someone's month when they find it there.
We're holding off on replacing it until we get moved. No point in paying registration twice, hauling it across country. Plus, he may not even need a car right off the bat. So although juggling two cars around five schedules isn't ideal, it's a nice set up. We can all ride in either of the cars if something goes awry with the other one, and nobody is getting stuck on the side of the road in the Southern Summer Weather. Win-win-win.
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
John's Buick started blowing the upper radiator hose. Just out of nowhere it started doing it as if it had picked up a fun new hobby. He took to carrying a full took kit, complete with a magnetic tool retriever (not that it did any good - we lost four screws down there and never were able to retrieve a single one - they just fall down and disappear into another dimension), and a couple gallons of water. It had been having issues for a while, but this is the issue that ended the struggle.
I even got a little frustrated at one point and went down to put the damn hose clamp on, myself. (The Buick Rendezvous is a terrible design. Just a heads up. It's a neat car. Cool idea. Yet clearly designed by someone who hates himself, hates the world, and reserves special hatred for people who work on their own cars. I have never in my life seen such a poorly designed space.) Anyway, although John is really great at spooling up on how to fix known issues, and even though he knows how to put on a hose clamp, it just didn't make sense. I figured the lousy design was just making it harder than it had to be (which it was). But I thought at least I know that I know how to use a hose clamp and how to get a hose on properly. We could put this issue to rest, certainly.
He texted the next time he left the house. It had done it again.
At that point, we agreed it was time to give AAA towing a try. He figured it out, got the thing towed to a mechanic. The mechanic took a look at it, put the hose on, good to go.
Until he left the house again. (Always on his way to something with a defined start time. Always. Blessedly, he's been driving crappy, unreliable cars since he first got his license, so he's really good about leaving "mechanic time" in his schedule.)
This time, there was smoke. 😲
Back to the mechanic. Turned out there was a problem in the engine. Something leaking. Too much pressure. That's why it was blowing the hose. But at this point, it had gotten just warm enough just often enough that the heads had warped. Or whatever. At any rate, it needed a new engine.
Mechanic didn't want to fix it.
I didn't want to pay him to fix it. (Not what it was going to cost to replace the engine on top of the other unrelated things it also needed, like tie rods and so forth.)
James and John are cool with carpooling over the summer.
I'm even cooler with not paying insurance on another car.
So, we junked it, and hopefully the sound body and intact interior will provide some blessed surprise and joy to some other poor soul spending his time working on his Buick Rendezvous. We hope it makes someone's month when they find it there.
We're holding off on replacing it until we get moved. No point in paying registration twice, hauling it across country. Plus, he may not even need a car right off the bat. So although juggling two cars around five schedules isn't ideal, it's a nice set up. We can all ride in either of the cars if something goes awry with the other one, and nobody is getting stuck on the side of the road in the Southern Summer Weather. Win-win-win.
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
Thursday, July 5
Tech Stuff
So, right after I poked fun at James for his tech rescue proclivities, I have to fess up to what we did ...
John needs a laptop for school. Em and Jase need some kind of dedicated devices for their writing classes and other projects, and I'd kind of like them to be portable because we are entering a season of travel and wandering off, so laptops sounded good. I kind of need a new laptop because this one's had a hard few years of use, abuse, and dropping from high places.
Enter GovDeals auctions, where you can bid on things "they were just going to throw away" (only they weren't, really - they were going to sell them - but they might sell them to someone else, which is kind of the same as throwing them away, right?)
Since a wiped laptop with no OS would about as useful for me as a book that's glued shut, I haven't really pursued it. I have looked at the auctions, and there's always fun stuff: 30 office desks (who couldn't use that?), 15 dressers (come on, how much fun would that be?), 3 arc welders (this doesn't excite me, but Z gets a twinkle in his eye when he sees these listings ... James totally comes by it honestly, and he gets it from both of us). You can find all sorts of things on there.
"Ohhh, we could clean these up and sell them!"
"I'll bet we could find someone to split the lot with us! Yeah?"
"Listen, I can find a use for all 30 of those desks, so stop looking at me like that."
And so the conversations go. But we never bid on anything.
Until I asked James to check the auctions out and if he saw something among the laptops that would work, and something that he thought he could fix up, would he please let me know. We'd bid on them, and if we got them, cool. If not, no harm, no foul, and at least it would be an interesting experience.
Well, he found some listings. And he bid on two of them - one for us, one for him. (Actually, we had to enlist Z to do the bidding because James was in class when the auctions closed and I don't have enough room on my plate right now to set my fork down and take a drink. He was awesome about that.) So we got 10 laptops! They had to be picked up in North Carolina, but fortunately, we were going that way on our way to Arlington! What's a five hour detour when you're already driving 12 hours? (Well, it's a 17-hour drive, that's what. But I didn't think about what that actually meant in time.)
So we picked them up and brought them home. They live on my breakfast bar. James has been installing Linux on them as he has time and handing them out to those that need it. He's happy - it's like having someone support you in your rescue attempts. I'm happy - it's nice not to be paying full retail for a gazillion people to get upgraded tech. Z is happy - just because he's generally happy to see his people doing what they do.
And now, to figure out how to get my hands on some dressers and welders ... Right?
Be encouraged~
~ Dy
John needs a laptop for school. Em and Jase need some kind of dedicated devices for their writing classes and other projects, and I'd kind of like them to be portable because we are entering a season of travel and wandering off, so laptops sounded good. I kind of need a new laptop because this one's had a hard few years of use, abuse, and dropping from high places.
Enter GovDeals auctions, where you can bid on things "they were just going to throw away" (only they weren't, really - they were going to sell them - but they might sell them to someone else, which is kind of the same as throwing them away, right?)
Since a wiped laptop with no OS would about as useful for me as a book that's glued shut, I haven't really pursued it. I have looked at the auctions, and there's always fun stuff: 30 office desks (who couldn't use that?), 15 dressers (come on, how much fun would that be?), 3 arc welders (this doesn't excite me, but Z gets a twinkle in his eye when he sees these listings ... James totally comes by it honestly, and he gets it from both of us). You can find all sorts of things on there.
"Ohhh, we could clean these up and sell them!"
"I'll bet we could find someone to split the lot with us! Yeah?"
"Listen, I can find a use for all 30 of those desks, so stop looking at me like that."
And so the conversations go. But we never bid on anything.
Until I asked James to check the auctions out and if he saw something among the laptops that would work, and something that he thought he could fix up, would he please let me know. We'd bid on them, and if we got them, cool. If not, no harm, no foul, and at least it would be an interesting experience.
Well, he found some listings. And he bid on two of them - one for us, one for him. (Actually, we had to enlist Z to do the bidding because James was in class when the auctions closed and I don't have enough room on my plate right now to set my fork down and take a drink. He was awesome about that.) So we got 10 laptops! They had to be picked up in North Carolina, but fortunately, we were going that way on our way to Arlington! What's a five hour detour when you're already driving 12 hours? (Well, it's a 17-hour drive, that's what. But I didn't think about what that actually meant in time.)
So we picked them up and brought them home. They live on my breakfast bar. James has been installing Linux on them as he has time and handing them out to those that need it. He's happy - it's like having someone support you in your rescue attempts. I'm happy - it's nice not to be paying full retail for a gazillion people to get upgraded tech. Z is happy - just because he's generally happy to see his people doing what they do.
And now, to figure out how to get my hands on some dressers and welders ... Right?
Be encouraged~
~ Dy
Tuesday, July 3
Arlington
Me-Tae's father passed away some time ago. It took until recently to get his interment arranged, but it finally happened this month. He was laid to rest in Arlington National Cemetery, afforded full honors. It was, hands down, the most beautiful ceremony I've witnessed, and a fitting way to say goodbye and thank you.
James and John couldn't make it because they both had classes during the time we'd be gone. That's a major downside of summer term - you can't afford to miss a class early on in the term because then if you get the plague in July you have to just mask up and slog through. But four of us were there in person, and all seven of us were there in thought. I hope that they felt loved.
The three younger kids and I drove out there for the service. We splurged and stayed two nights -- not only so that we could spend time with Me-Wa and Me-Tae, but because I am OLD and there was no way I was going to be able to drive 12 hours, spend one night, go to the funeral in the morning and then drive 12 hours home. Oh, heck no.
Arlington is pretty impressive, and I just don't have the words (or the photography skills) to capture the enormity of what it represents, or how powerfully it pours over you when you set foot on the property. We were all so quiet as it soaked in what we were looking at, awed and grateful.
We appreciated, too, the chance to say goodbye to John, who was a generous and loving man. We will forever be grateful to have had him in our lives, and forever be sorry that it wasn't for a longer time. We should all strive to leave a legacy like his.
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
James and John couldn't make it because they both had classes during the time we'd be gone. That's a major downside of summer term - you can't afford to miss a class early on in the term because then if you get the plague in July you have to just mask up and slog through. But four of us were there in person, and all seven of us were there in thought. I hope that they felt loved.
The three younger kids and I drove out there for the service. We splurged and stayed two nights -- not only so that we could spend time with Me-Wa and Me-Tae, but because I am OLD and there was no way I was going to be able to drive 12 hours, spend one night, go to the funeral in the morning and then drive 12 hours home. Oh, heck no.
Arlington is pretty impressive, and I just don't have the words (or the photography skills) to capture the enormity of what it represents, or how powerfully it pours over you when you set foot on the property. We were all so quiet as it soaked in what we were looking at, awed and grateful.
We appreciated, too, the chance to say goodbye to John, who was a generous and loving man. We will forever be grateful to have had him in our lives, and forever be sorry that it wasn't for a longer time. We should all strive to leave a legacy like his.
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
Sunday, July 1
Missing One
Jacob is off at his summer intensive, and the house is shockingly quiet. (On a tangentially related note, do you know of any robust earbuds that can survive a 14yo boy? I'm resigned at this point to replacing them every six months, but I hate the waste.)
In some ways, not much is different. We still chat about news over coffee in the mornings (yay for technology!) and he still sends me photos of cool things he finds while he's out and about. I love that part.
But he's gone. I miss seeing him spinning in the kitchen. I miss hearing his laughter when he reads something funny. I miss hanging out in the kitchen with him while we cook. I miss hearing him talk about the book he's reading or the upcoming Falcon Heavy launch. I know that's part and parcel of raising children to be autonomous, productive adults. But I sure do miss him when he's off being active.
This is the second week. It's both flying by and inching along. Time is so weird. I'll be gone when he wraps it up, and Z will get to see the performance at the end of the session. He'll enjoy that, since he missed the school sketches in May.
I do hope, though, that Jacob's up for a marathon of something ridiculous with snacks and root beer floats and hanging out in the kitchen in July.
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
In some ways, not much is different. We still chat about news over coffee in the mornings (yay for technology!) and he still sends me photos of cool things he finds while he's out and about. I love that part.
But he's gone. I miss seeing him spinning in the kitchen. I miss hearing his laughter when he reads something funny. I miss hanging out in the kitchen with him while we cook. I miss hearing him talk about the book he's reading or the upcoming Falcon Heavy launch. I know that's part and parcel of raising children to be autonomous, productive adults. But I sure do miss him when he's off being active.
This is the second week. It's both flying by and inching along. Time is so weird. I'll be gone when he wraps it up, and Z will get to see the performance at the end of the session. He'll enjoy that, since he missed the school sketches in May.
I do hope, though, that Jacob's up for a marathon of something ridiculous with snacks and root beer floats and hanging out in the kitchen in July.
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
Friday, June 29
Testing
We decided to have the younger three run a lap of ITBS this year. It's not a required element of our homeschooling, and we generally don't do any standardized testing until they take the CLT and the ACT. I thought, though, that this was a good time to get a general overhead snapshot of about where we are, how we're doing, and what I may have completely spaced covering so far. Plus, I've had a sinking feeling that they may have all lost five or six years of learning during the cancer years, and I needed a sanity check.
The Littles were not thrilled. But they didn't die, so they're fine.
The results were about what I expected. They know a lot about the things we discuss in general. They aren't as strong in the things they actively avoid. We have surprisingly few non-mechanical pencils in the house. We also discovered that we are really not good at remembering to pack lunches.
Overall, the testing didn't really tell me anything I didn't already know or suspect, so that was good. (I always worry that I'm oversimplifying the process, or being a bit overly optimistic about our progress. Nobody wants to graduate a homeschooler only to discover after the fact that it was not, in fact, a great education. That hasn't happened yet, but still, we worry. Or I do.) All is well.
A funny thing from the test results was that all three of them maxed out the science scores. "But Mom, we don't hardly ever DO science!" And yet, we do. We talk about scientific topics all. the. time. Space, botany, biology, chemistry, inquiry, data, research, physics, propulsion, systems, dynamics, you name it, it's getting air time in the house. With all the things they've built, soaked, set on fire, and lobbed, I'm actually surprised the housing office doesn't send us hate mail. Do we spend a lot of time specifically studying one particular text, reading the sidebars, and going over the vocabulary? No. But we spend a lot of time steeped in various scientific disciplines, and it showed up on their scores. I thought that was rather interesting and encouraging.
And now, we don't have to do it again for a while. That was their favorite part.
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
The Littles were not thrilled. But they didn't die, so they're fine.
The results were about what I expected. They know a lot about the things we discuss in general. They aren't as strong in the things they actively avoid. We have surprisingly few non-mechanical pencils in the house. We also discovered that we are really not good at remembering to pack lunches.
Overall, the testing didn't really tell me anything I didn't already know or suspect, so that was good. (I always worry that I'm oversimplifying the process, or being a bit overly optimistic about our progress. Nobody wants to graduate a homeschooler only to discover after the fact that it was not, in fact, a great education. That hasn't happened yet, but still, we worry. Or I do.) All is well.
A funny thing from the test results was that all three of them maxed out the science scores. "But Mom, we don't hardly ever DO science!" And yet, we do. We talk about scientific topics all. the. time. Space, botany, biology, chemistry, inquiry, data, research, physics, propulsion, systems, dynamics, you name it, it's getting air time in the house. With all the things they've built, soaked, set on fire, and lobbed, I'm actually surprised the housing office doesn't send us hate mail. Do we spend a lot of time specifically studying one particular text, reading the sidebars, and going over the vocabulary? No. But we spend a lot of time steeped in various scientific disciplines, and it showed up on their scores. I thought that was rather interesting and encouraging.
And now, we don't have to do it again for a while. That was their favorite part.
Be encouraged!
~ Dy
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