Hookay.

I thought I'd blogged more after this post, but before this post. Obviously, the brain is the, um, *counting in my head* third? thing to go.

The visit with my (soon to be ex-)Doc on the 12th did not go well. The Doc says:

All is well. Nothing wrong here. Nothing to see here. Don't know what the pain is, but it's not that. Oh, and that isn't anything. It's nephrosis. Which is nothing. Don't know why that kidney is bigger. Or what you're talking about with this "thing" that's in there, because there is nothing in there. NO, I haven't seen the films. Why would I? I'm not a radiologist. How did you see this thing you're saying is in there? Who let you see it? You're not qualified to see that, and of course you're frightened, but you're wrong. You're obviously nuts.

OK, that very last sentence is a paraphrase. But not by much. And the rest are direct quotes. According to her, I was making a mountain out of less than a molehill. Her plan? Wait for an obstruction -- that will probably not come -- and then just do emergency surgery. Obviously, I found that prospect unacceptable.

I also took issue with the assumption that someone has any place to "allow" me to see my own innerds. If I recall correctly, I gave *them* permission to take a peek. But I don't have to ask leave to look, and God help the first person to try to stand in the way. In this case, my impertinence may well have saved a kidney from a long, ugly demise.

So. In order to placate me (much the way she placated me by ordering the ultrasound in the first place, when I refused to accept her off-the-cuff diagnosis that the pain is gallbladder), she sent me to a Nephrologist for a second opinion. I actually tried to get out of going to see him because of the way she worded the referral. It was like she was giving a buddy a head's up that she needed a backup for her alibi. Not encouraging.

And this is where it gets weird.

I emailed a friend to ask who her DH (who is a dr.) would send her to in this situation. Never heard back from her.

I left a message for my midwife, asking for information on a doc she might recommend. Never heard back from her.

My pastor's wife talked with her doctor, who she used to work for, to see if he would see me. He's not taking new patients.

Every avenue we tried to take was blocked.

By last night, I was a bit manic. So, I prayed for calm, for strength and grace, for wisdom and fortitude, for kindness tempered with a good dose of pig-headdedness. And I accepted that, lacking any other options, I would, in fact, be seeing this guy in the morning. *poof* Total calm.

As if God were saying, "Well, yes, that is what I had planned, thanks."

This morning, I gathered my notes, my cross-references, kissed the babies and headed out to pick up my films...

I've got to get supper on, and I'll finish this after that's done.