Balcony O' Death Pictures

OK, so the Forever Home has what may have been, at one point, a lovely balcony. It is not now, as you can see. But the issues weren't simply aesthetic. Not something you could slap a little Cabot stain on and call it good. Let me show you a few highlights...

Well, first, we have the security features... compliments of Georgia Pacific. This came with the house when we bought it. The basic dimensions of the balcony are 12'x27'. It's large and spacious. It also swayed a good 8" at the top level if you walked on it. When you're ten feet up, with no net to catch you, that's a bad thing. Note the spacing between pickets. Smidge and Em could both fit through there, side-by-side. Great, tandem toddler tossing. Not such a selling point, we know.

The columns holding up the deck are 4x4's. 15' tall 4x4 beams, set way too far apart to support the structure. *sigh* They are set in concrete piers, which is good. But the concrete is below grade (aka - buried in moist dirt) on every one of them, which is, well, useless. So, naturally, every column is rotted to the core and ready to shear off in a high wind, or if someone actually leans on one of them at just the right angle. Weee!

Here, you can see a better view of the toddler take-off points. Yes, paneling. Lovely, no? (NO. But, better than losing a child or two. We only joke about some of them being spares.) The deck boards are 1/2" boards. This is not so great. It transitions to Very Bad after 30-some-odd years with no protective measures to compensate. Some of the boards don't even make it all the way onto the joists. Nothing says "Better videotape this for Jackass" quite like watching the decking bow beneath your feet. Don't do this if you build a deck, okay? Thicker boards don't cost that much more, and they are well worth the investment. Thanks.

Ooooo, this is one of my favorites shots! Not only were my knees tingly the whole time (which made it hard to focus on composition, okay?), but it shows a little more detail of the craftsmanship in our balcony. What you see here is a 12' span supported by 2"x8" joists! Does the fun never stop? Did these people just hate their friends and hope for a spectacular flaming death at a Fourth of July BBQ? Why? Why did they do this? (General rule of thumb: 2x8 - 8' span, 2x10 - 10' span, 2x12 - 12' span... we're runnin' a wee bit shy on the spinal supports, here. The rotted, puny support columns were also spaced way too far apart, so it's not like there was any help on that side, either.)

And here, it's down. Love the ghetto action look, don't you? (I keep reminding myself that things often look worse before they look better.) Note the lovely ginormous holes in the brick. They're huge - three bricks high by 3/4 of a brick wide. They knocked those out to put in the bolts to support the ledger board. And while I do appreciate that the ledger board was actually bolted TO the house, I just don't understand the need to leave such enormous holes. It's a theme with these people. We've spent more on mortar patch and expanding foam than we have on flooring. We suspect this may be one area where the various snakes, lizards, squirrels, and other critters-that-ought-not-be-indoors entered the house.

Let's not even discuss the discoloration... you know what that is. We don't need to say it. *shudder*

Now, the overall plan is to put up a new deck using 6x6 colums set in piers that will remain above grade, with wet-set anchor bolts and galvanized fasteners and all that good stuff. (Because we like our children and our friends, and have no desire to recreate the Titanic on land, thanks.) We're moving the columns in two feet, with a two-foot cantilever (which is totally not scary or dangerous) so we can retain the 12' depth of the deck and not have to use 2x12 joists (because, let's face it, we only have so much money, and most of it goes to food and library late fees). We're extending the steps out another couple of feet so that each step isn't a full 11" high. (If I need a cardio-step workout, I can just walk from the barn to the house, anyway.) You won't even be able to stuff a newborn between the pickets on the new railings.

AND, we're wrapping the deck around the back so that the kitchen-door-that-we-cannot-use can finally be unwired and used without fear of bodily injury. We've always wanted a wrap-around deck. *smile* And since we've got the back yard fenced in, now, we've also wanted a way to get into the back yard that doesn't involve traipsing through our bedroom. This will meet both needs beautifully. And, that's what we've been up to!

Kiss those babies!
~Dy