Well, I tried to Google the term to find y'all something substantial, but the previous entry on it was pretty much the most I could find. So I'll just explain it here, but for an official stance on it, you can talk with your pastor and he will most likely be familiar with it.
The third vow in a marriage ceremony, as we understood it and incorporated it, is a vow taken by those attending the wedding, where they recognized that they witnessed the couple's vows to love, honor and cherish and that they, as witnesses, vowed to uphold that union, vowed to support it and not counsel unwisely or foolishly, vowed to do all in their power to not only just "not get in the way" (phrased much more eloquently in the actual ceremony), but to actively encourage good will and be a source of strength for the marriage and the family formed by that union.
Good stuff. Hope this helps.
~Dy
8 comments:
Patty in WA here--So does this mean that if you believe the couple to be "unequally yoked"--or that you just cannot support this marriage, you shouldn't attend the wedding? I am really curious about this--my dh and i were discussing this a few weeks ago as we faced this situation.
Fortunately (although sad for a time for the couple) the engagement was cancelled.
I don't even think much about that third vow, but it's there. Most of us don't think about that commitment when we attend a wedding.
Well, honestly, yes, I do. If you can't support a marriage, why on earth would you go to the ceremony celebrating that marriage? It may seem to be making nice, in a way, but I don't think it's beneficial in the long run. And how do you sit there quietly when the pastor asks, "If there are any here today who know of any reason why this couple should not be joined... speak now or forever hold your peace?" The vow is there, intimated, whether spoken or not. The third vow just brings it to the forefront of everyone's mind.
Zorak and I are unequally yoked, and I can say I would much rather know where folks stand on our marriage than to bop around thinking everyone's going to support us in our journey. We have children to raise and a home to maintain, so we don't have time, effort or energy to spend cultivating relationships with folks who can't be good to -- or healthy for -- us, or who would, when push comes to shove, tell one of us to walk away.
So, yeah, I'm obviously not a theologian, but I would say that if you couldn't take promise to support a marriage, you shouldn't be going to the wedding.
Dy
I think it's neat that even when you were first married, you took that third vow so seriously. :-) I did'nt even know about it..LOL
I spoke my mind before the wedding, and we were still invited. It was also cancelled. But to be clear, once it was a "done deal", I would support the marriage. It would be wrong of me to get into the business of sundering vows made to God.
Gotta run!
This may be prying too much, but were either of you believers when you married? I always find it interesting when unbelievers take vows seriously. I guess it's common grace, that everyone understands the unbreakable bond of marriage.
I"ve been lurking for a while now, and really enjoy your site.
Fittsy
Wow, more discussion. I didn't expect that. LOL.
Hi Fittsy- Welcome! I'm glad you found us and are visiting on the front porch with us.
I don't mind your question. It isn't a secret at all. I have believed for as far back as memories carry me. Granted, I haven't always lived like a believer, but the Lord is good and brought me back around perhaps ten years ago, but more strongly in the last six. (Hmm, presence of children? Yep, big factor.) Zorak hasn't ever been a believer. That was something we had to deal with early on in our relationship, and in some ways it's an ongoing process- life itself is fluid and changing, so the dynamics must change with it.
As for non-believers taking vows seriously, I am honestly not one to issue commentary on that. This is a second marriage for both of us. My exdh was a believer, and yet the marriage was a horrible exercise in how much damage the human psyche can handle without imploding. He took very little seriously or honestly, his faith included. Zorak, on the other hand, is in it for the long haul and has never faltered in his commitment to our union, or to me. He's a Godsend (whether he admits it or not). :-)
Patty- don't run! It's ok. You know, given your situation, I would think that you should take the third vow if you are going to support the marriage once it's consecrated. That would be my advice, anyway. If you spoke according to Matthew 18 beforehand, and were honest and loving, then you've done your job. After a couple has been joined in the eyes of God, then your job becomes to support that union, lift it to God, and do all you can to be the friend God wants you to be. Besides, we never know where He will work. :-)
Dy
Oh, I only had to run because Spiderman and I had a date to play marbles.
I'm glad the wedding here was called off. It was answered prayer. The whole situation was just a mess and the woman (whom I love dearly) is just *blind*. She's sad now, but not like she would have been walking into a vow with this one.
Just a note: I have a dear friend whose marriage background is identical to yours as re: believer:jerk then unbeliever:godsend. They have been married for 13 years now, and in the past 5 years, God has been especially drawing her dh to Himself--it has been a miracle. My friend was always completely herself as to faith, and never pulled any punches. And she never held out in any way in loving him--she could not lovehim more as a believer--she loves him to pieces and always has--as it is clear you do--but this is a lovely gift to her. And because of the common grace lavished on him prior to his believing, he is growing so fast in his faith it is astonishing to see. Who knows what the hand of God will do?
None of us has the life we "had in mind" anyway, regardless of how perfectly we thought we had set it up.
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