Birthday Pictures

Jacob is our surprise baby. We thought we were done with two children. We thought we knew what was best for our family. We had strong feelings about limiting the number of children in our family for many, many reasons. Those thoughts vanished when we learned about Jacob's pending arrival. It's just not possible to look God in the eye and say, "No, *we* know better than You do." Well, at least I just couldn't go about things like that, at any rate.

The transition from one child to two children was, for me, really rough. John was 2.5, and I had just become almost comfortable in raising two children without the constant fear that I was going to forget one of them somewhere or that the incessant sibling "things" would drive me to chew my own hair out (I was raised as an only child due to the age gap between my siblings and myself- sibling relationships are entirely foreign to me at this stage). So, when we learned that Jacob was coming, I cried. For three days straight. I laid awake at night, terrified that I could never be the kind of Mother James had, or John deserved, let alone manage with another child in the mix. I cried so hard I threw up. It wasn't the baby that was the problem, it was me. If I am to be perfectly truthful, I'm still amazed on a near-daily basis that I didn't get myself killed before I turned 25! To be entrusted with not one, not two, but three precious babies who would rely on me and need me to "have it together" was... pfft. Terrifying doesn't come close.

We were also in Zorak's third year at Riddle. My mother had passed away the previous Spring. My best friend had died that summer. Our church had become a battle ground of incredible proportions and we were now homechurching. Saying that I was exhausted is like saying Marry Poppins was cheerful.

Still, a baby! Another wonderful little one in our home, our hearts! Our hearts had grown and filled with more love than we'd been capable of finding the words to express when we had James. We thought we'd reached the pinnacle of joy and had literally peered into the heart of God when we held him.

And then came John! Who can explain the ability of the human heart to double in size to accomodate more love? It's like the flight of bees- seemingly impossible, yet there ya go. Our love for John soared and shone as brilliantly and as deeply as our love for James.



The same was true for Jacob/Emily (we didn't know which, and really thought we'd used all our luck in having two boys thus far). Only with the boys already running about and aware of the idea of a new baby, it was all even more exciting. Jacob was a gift, right from the beginning. Imagine a spiritual and emotional Christmas where you get everything you have always wanted and just couldn't imagine anything left to wish for... and then finding just one more present tucked behind the tree... and it's perfect! Absolutely perfect! That's us, and how we felt about Jacob for the remaining eight and a half months of his preparations.



Not a day has gone by that we haven't enjoyed him, enjoyed the boys all together, enjoyed the new dynamic of our lives. Not once have I gone to bed without sighing a thank you from the depths of my heart for all that I have, and our family seems complete now. ('Course, we thought that before, too, so we've stuck with the less stubborn "seems", "feels", "pretty much" syntax this time around.)



And now he's one! My goodness. What would this past year have been like without the three boys? I wouldn't even want to guess. Jacob has taught me to slow down, take a deep breath, yell less and nap more. In just one short year, he has reminded us all that it's the little things that count the most, so your little things (a hug in the morning, a laugh over supper, a surprise nonsense game in the middle of the afternoon) should be many and varied, and enjoyed by all.