NREMT Certified!

John passed his NREMT certification!

But we didn't know at first.

He went to take the exam, knowing that it's adaptive, and that he needed to set aside two hours to take it. He called me after about half an hour.

"Wow! You're done? How'd it go?"

"Not great. It shut down on me after 70 questions. I'll have to try again in two weeks."

Oh. Oh, my. Well. Huh.

So when he got home, we had some tea and sympathy. He licked his wounds that night, processed a little bit. ("I don't understand it. I felt good. I didn't feel panicky. I felt confident. I hadn't hit any I didn't feel like I knew...")

The next day, he lined up some new study material - found some apps, some online practice exams, we ordered the Kaplan EMT Study Guide. He reached out to his EMS instructors to ask if they had any suggestions as to what he might do differently going forward. (Honestly, as disappointed as I was for him, I was also very proud of him for the way he responded.) He did the math, had a little queasiness thinking about retaking the exam, and then having to do 145 hours of clinicals during finals week, then he took a swig of coffee and settled in.

Over the next few days, he took many practice exams. He consistently scored 98%, 93%, 95%. Every time. This really didn't make sense. I had suggested that if he failed it the second time, we consider looking into whether he'd gotten a strong enough grip on his test anxiety, because that just ... didn't make any sense.

Tuesday morning, he headed to class. The guys in class (several of them are prior service, all are licensed EMTs, and to a man, they have all taken him in as one of theirs - I love these folks) asked him how it went. He told them that he'd failed. "Oh, man, that stinks. How long did they keep you there?" In retelling this story to me, he said there was the sound of a needle scratching on a record at that point. What? What do you mean? It kicked me out at 70.

That's when the guys told him that's usually a GOOD sign. So right there, during labs, they encouraged him to log on to his account and see if his score had posted.

He did.

He'd passed.

I do not think I have ever heard physically tangible relief in a person's voice as I did when he called to tell me. It was beautiful.

So yes, definitely don't assume anything. That would save us all a world of unnecessary worry. 😉 However, it was a wonderful opportunity for him to really look at himself in the mirror and see a man of conviction, of fortitude, of endurance. He needed that, and it was a good feeling. (Not as good as finding out he'd passed, granted, but for the long haul, it's much better to know how you respond to failure than to live with the niggling worry of an unanswered "what if I fail" gnawing at the back of your mind.)

Now he knows. If you fail, you take a deep breath, recalibrate, and try again.

Be encouraged!

~ Dy

Packing

There is a great divide between what I'm glad to move and what the kids want to move. Clearly, we should have been more transient during their formative years.

That said, we're still packing ...

Only one more month until our family is mostly back together!

We'll lose James, who is staying here, but we're gaining Z back. This is how it should be. Having children grow up and head out is bittersweet. But having your spouse so far away is just the pits.

We've handled it really well, I think. We knew it was temporary, and technology has made it so much easier than when I was a kid. (Remember hearing, "Is it long distance? Then, no, you can't call." *WOOHOO* glad that's over!)

I'm certain that, had Z and I been born in the 1800s, either I'd have had to go with him, or we'd have just had to say goodbye and gotten on with our lives. Then, one day, it would have been a glorious surprise reunion when he pulled up at the front door. Which would also have been fine. Just not as seamless. Or maybe it would have been because that's just how it was and I'm spoiled by being able to get and send texts, photos, phone calls. Also true (I am), and it's difficult to imagine things being what they are in a context that's different from what it is. But the human mind and soul are pretty darned adaptable and willing to find contentment if they're trained to look for it. So there is that.

That said, one more month! W00t:

Be encouraged!

~Dy

I got my port out

The occasion was rife with puns -

Port out, Starboard home! POSH with a capitol P-O-S-H. (It's okay if you sang that in your head.)

One of the kids asked if I was no longer portable.

Z, of course, asked me later how the deportation went. (Puns are bad for a reason, folks.)

My sweet Nutty Professor son got up early to go with me. We had a lovely morning of chatting contentedly over our current reads. He let me sniff his coffee (I couldn't have anything by mouth pre-op). And then he drove me home when it was over. Acts of Mercy, right there.

Of course, he didn't understand my deep appreciation. "Of course! What was I going to do, tell you to piss off?" LOL. Well, no. I wouldn't have expected that response. However, it soothes my soul to know that you realize that would be an inappropriate response to someone's need for help, and it gladdens my heart to know that you are so willing to serve and to be present (and cheerfully present, at that) when you can give aid. So shut up and accept my heartfelt appreciation, please.

And then he misplaced the prescriptions. I get that usually you don't want to give the paperwork to the one who's recently been drugged. And the surgeon doesn't have a 19yo son, so he wouldn't know. I'm just hoping it was only for pain relief and not antibiotics... (I'll clean out the car today and look for it.)

But that's it! In two weeks or so, if I have an itch I can just scratch to my heart's content without snagging on my port. And that's rather exciting! It's the little things.

Be encouraged!
~ Dy

All clear! Fire the canons!

We watched Mary Poppins this week (part of a rather shame-faced endeavor on my part to get the Littles spooled up on the musicals they don't know yet - oops! Talk about gaps in one's education!)

Then Friday I had labs (still cancer-free - doc pushed for just one thin scan in January. But no, that wasn't the deal. Thanks, tho-)

And it's awkward to know whether to shout it from the roof tops or to take the British WWII approach, straighten my jacket and carry on about my business. I land awkwardly somewhere in the middle. Straight jacket (as opposed to a strait jacket, LOL), carry on, with occasional loudish bouts of, "Oh, thank heavens!"

But this time, I kind of laughed to myself a bit because I realized I probably come off more as the crazy retired Navy Admiral from Mary Poppins. Heh. Could be worse, I suppose.

Be encouraged!

~ Dy

Not Quite A Countdown

It's ...

1 day until we enjoy the 4th of July festivities with our wonderful peeps.

10 days until John takes the NREMT. (Please pray he passes on the first try - it's not whether he knows the material, but facing testing, for that one.)

17 days until I get my dancing boy back with all of his stories, laughter, commentary, and debris.

15 days until I get to do one last road trip with one of my best friends here. And Circe. Woohoo!

18 days until I see my honey again. And my boy. (Z will be here to retrieve him from Nashville. But he can do his own countdown.)

21 days until the REAL packing begins and we start eating off paper plates.

37 days until the end of Summer Semester, when I'll have an official Sophomore in college and a second semester Freshman! Wow. Where'd that time go?

About 40 days until I'm a New Mexican again! (We don't have specifics, there, so that's just sort of a vaguely shaded in section of the calendar.) I'm definitely leaving a big part of my heart here in Alabama, but I would be lying if I said I'm not looking forward to green chiles and cool nights, to dry air and dusty trails. Mostly, at this point, I'm looking forward to having Zorak back. Miss that man something fierce!

That would be one decorative, complex paper chain, wouldn't it?

Today we've mowed, packed the linen closet, done some laundry and some school.

The kids learned the word "prosaic" this week, which is a very cool word. It's also delightfully ornate considering it's meaning. That just tickled Jase.

We're nearly done with Dandelion Fire and Lurker at the Threshold. We've caught up with Father Geoff on the Book of Judges. (I'm looking at this reading list and thinking we need to throw in some lighthearted reading ... that's all a bit dark for warm summer afternoons.)

I've got to get more packing done, and shift a box of goodies to Jacob while I'm out today running errands. Don't really want to, but the post office isn't open at two in the morning, when it's cooler out.

What are you looking forward to?

Be encouraged!
~ Dy

Shifting the View

After I spent a wonderful day with a friend, she gently reminded me to be sure to make time for my people. She's right. I know she's right. I completely spaced that Wednesday was Wednesday, so I missed book club. When I saw the text asking if I was coming, the Littles had bread in the oven, I had fat bomb shrapnel all over the counter, and I'd just sent the kids out to bike to the park while I cleaned up. To me, it was just that Wednesday had gotten away from me. It's happened to all of us in book club. It's no big deal. To them, though, it was part of a countdown in the few remaining Wednesdays  we have together.

I've sensed a tension, or a dissonance, lately that I haven't been able to articulate, but I felt that at its core was that I'm not handling something well. So tonight, I sat down with some other Very Insightful Women and asked for help hashing out the disconnect. What am I not coping well with? (Other than calendars. Those are always hard.) Where am I not meeting the people I love in a way that is meaningful for them? And how can I do it without giving up the things I actually, legitimately NEED to be doing right now? Where is this stress coming from?

Of course, the first response is generally, "Why are you still trying to do school?" And that's actually a highly pertinent question. Homeschoolers are notorious for strangling themselves to the point of turning blue as they try to maintain a normal school routine through the most riotous of life's upheavals. "The school crate can just go into the moving van right before it pulls away. Bobby, you make sure to grab the microscope. I'll have hand sanitizer in the car for everyone, so go ahead and finish your dissection while I do the walkthrough and turn in the keys." Yeah, that's a thing.

In this case, however, our schooling is just the Littles right now. And they're getting some much-needed time and attention while the oldest two are no longer my monkeys in this circus, and the third is away for a while. It's also been a total sanity saver for me to have the gentle rhythm of the days. Chasing down two children for history is downright pleasant after the pace of the last few years! Plus, it's a very Charlotte Mason inspired schedule, which is relaxing and legit nourishing. We don't school for long, but we do get that time together. It's been Good. If I have to stop that right now, I might cry. But I did promise that I will ditch school after Circe and before the move. That was a good reality check.

So we talked about that, about life, about expectations and reality. We talked about the importance of accepting help and the importance of people. All good stuff, but no real epiphanies. And then, it hit me. It's the shifting of the lens, and right now it's like we're all wearing glasses that were cobbled together with two different prescription lenses.

Right now, all of the co-ops and field trips and audition planning is happening. NOW is the time to sign up for the fall. This is when the plans are laid. We'll be in NM come the fall, so my planning time is spent in the NM groups right now. Because we're going to be there in September when they do the farm field trip, not here.We need to find resources there, and sign up for events there, and dive into preparing for life there. This is just the nature of the season.

So I'm at the point where there are things I'm looking forward to about the move. (This is lens 1.) I'm looking forward to the family retreat in October, to the horseback riding lessons I've signed the kids up for, to the co-op that I found and willingly joined (I'll tell you more about that later - it's pretty exciting). I'm looking forward to the silhouette shoots with my husband, and hunting in the Gila again, and taking the kids to see the luminarias in Old Town at Christmas. I'm looking forward to signing Em up for snowboarding lessons and Jacob up for ballet. This is my job. I round up the resources and get excited about the plans. It's what I've done for 16 years. At this point, it's almost Pavlovian the way it works. This is just the first time in 13 years that those plans are waiting for us someplace else, but everything else about it feels very familiar.

And for our beautiful, amazing friends, they're not excited about these things. They are still trying to make eye contact with the idea of us leaving. They're mourning. They want to savor the time we have left, and to enjoy these last few weeks of outings and other Lasts with us. It's not that I don't also feel that loss, but that it's weighing more heavily on them right now. (And this is lens 2.) They aren't ready to get excited about whatever New Mexico has to offer us because it's all just reminders that we're leaving.

We are so very fortunate. Our friends here really do comprise that kind of Once In A Lifetime group -- vastly different women from different backgrounds and personalities and perspectives, but all incredibly supportive of one another and loving toward one another. Each one of them is the kind of person you'd consider yourself blessed to have just one of in your life, and we've all managed to find each other! And the kids! Oh, this group of kids! Without fail, every one of them is loved and cherished not only by each other, but by each of the moms in the group. That's a pretty incredible cadre to have in your life. And here we are, breaking up the band. And that's sad. It really is.

So it felt good to get a handle on where the dissonance was stemming from. I'm not looking forward to leaving them, even though there is much that I am looking forward to in the coming months. And they have many things they are looking forward to, but our leaving isn't among them. How to thread that needle is a little tricky, but I feel like I have a better grasp on how to do it now. So that was a relief.

And now, hopefully, I can merge the two lenses so that I don't feel like I'm going to be so dizzy I topple over. And hopefully, too, I can help my precious friends feel supported and loved on in the way the need to be.

Be encouraged!
~ Dy

The Loveliest Day

We had just the sweetest day today. It got off to an uncontrolled and awkward start (why is Lily's chocolate so hard to find? I feel like that should be sold in every corner market from here to Bangladesh.) My shower has developed some weird stigmata in the wall, and the hall bath wall appears to be trying to escape toward the commons areas (going to alert the housing office about that in the morning). And this kitchen, tho-- Oh, my word, it's a one-butt kitchen and we're an All Butts On Deck kind of cooking family, so there's a lot of bouncing off one another as we try to work in there.

But we didn't give up. We punted. We made do. We ran with what we had.

And in the end, we still got to spend the day watching an anime marathon and eating snacks with friends. There was a crazy hard thunderstorm that swept over us, so the light was dim and cozy and the storm beat back some of the hot'n'sticky in the air.

We put this on the calendar several weeks ago. I could have (should have? nah) done a dozen things to prepare for moving. But what we really needed was time to just curl up with friends and laugh. That accomplished so much more than any checklist could have, truly.

Be encouraged!
~ Dy

What Else Has Been Going On?

Once again, we have jettisoned a car with much cheering and applause.

John's Buick started blowing the upper radiator hose. Just out of nowhere it started doing it as if it had picked up a fun new hobby. He took to carrying a full took kit, complete with a magnetic tool retriever (not that it did any good - we lost four screws down there and never were able to retrieve a single one - they just fall down and disappear into another dimension), and a couple gallons of water. It had been having issues for a while, but this is the issue that ended the struggle.

I even got a little frustrated at one point and went down to put the damn hose clamp on, myself. (The Buick Rendezvous is a terrible design. Just a heads up. It's a neat car. Cool idea. Yet clearly designed by someone who hates himself, hates the world, and reserves special hatred for people who work on their own cars. I have never in my life seen such a poorly designed space.) Anyway, although John is really great at spooling up on how to fix known issues, and even though he knows how to put on a hose clamp, it just didn't make sense. I figured the lousy design was just making it harder than it had to be (which it was). But I thought at least I know that I know how to use a hose clamp and how to get a hose on properly. We could put this issue to rest, certainly.

He texted the next time he left the house. It had done it again.

At that point, we agreed it was time to give AAA towing a try. He figured it out, got the thing towed to a mechanic. The mechanic took a look at it, put the hose on, good to go.

Until he left the house again. (Always on his way to something with a defined start time. Always. Blessedly, he's been driving crappy, unreliable cars since he first got his license, so he's really good about leaving "mechanic time" in his schedule.)

This time, there was smoke. 😲

Back to the mechanic. Turned out there was a problem in the engine. Something leaking. Too much pressure. That's why it was blowing the hose. But at this point, it had gotten just warm enough just often enough that the heads had warped. Or whatever. At any rate, it needed a new engine.

Mechanic didn't want to fix it.

I didn't want to pay him to fix it. (Not what it was going to cost to replace the engine on top of the other unrelated things it also needed, like tie rods and so forth.)

James and John are cool with carpooling over the summer.

I'm even cooler with not paying insurance on another car.

So, we junked it, and hopefully the sound body and intact interior will provide some blessed surprise and joy to some other poor soul spending his time working on his Buick Rendezvous. We hope it makes someone's month when they find it there.

We're holding off on replacing it until we get moved. No point in paying registration twice, hauling it across country. Plus, he may not even need a car right off the bat. So although juggling two cars around five schedules isn't ideal, it's a nice set up. We can all ride in either of the cars if something goes awry with the other one, and nobody is getting stuck on the side of the road in the Southern Summer Weather. Win-win-win.

Be encouraged!
~ Dy

Tech Stuff

So, right after I poked fun at James for his tech rescue proclivities, I have to fess up to what we did ...

John needs a laptop for school. Em and Jase need some kind of dedicated devices for their writing classes and other projects, and I'd kind of like them to be portable because we are entering a season of travel and wandering off, so laptops sounded good. I kind of need a new laptop because this one's had a hard few years of use, abuse, and dropping from high places.

Enter GovDeals auctions, where you can bid on things "they were just going to throw away" (only they weren't, really - they were going to sell them - but they might sell them to someone else, which is kind of the same as throwing them away, right?)

Since a wiped laptop with no OS would about as useful for me as a book that's glued shut, I haven't really pursued it. I have looked at the auctions, and there's always fun stuff: 30 office desks (who couldn't use that?), 15 dressers (come on, how much fun would that be?), 3 arc welders (this doesn't excite me, but Z gets a twinkle in his eye when he sees these listings ... James totally comes by it honestly, and he gets it from both of us).  You can find all sorts of things on there.

"Ohhh, we could clean these up and sell them!"

"I'll bet we could find someone to split the lot with us! Yeah?"

"Listen, I can find a use for all 30 of those desks, so stop looking at me like that."

And so the conversations go. But we never bid on anything.

Until I asked James to check the auctions out and if he saw something among the laptops that would work, and something that he thought he could fix up, would he please let me know. We'd bid on them, and if we got them, cool. If not, no harm, no foul, and at least it would be an interesting experience.

Well, he found some listings. And he bid on two of them - one for us, one for him. (Actually, we had to enlist Z to do the bidding because James was in class when the auctions closed and I don't have enough room on my plate right now to set my fork down and take a drink. He was awesome about that.) So we got 10 laptops! They had to be picked up in North Carolina, but fortunately, we were going that way on our way to Arlington! What's a five hour detour when you're already driving 12 hours? (Well, it's a 17-hour drive, that's what. But I didn't think about what that actually meant in time.)

So we picked them up and brought them home. They live on my breakfast bar. James has been installing Linux on them as he has time and handing them out to those that need it. He's happy - it's like having someone support you in your rescue attempts. I'm happy - it's nice not to be paying full retail for a gazillion people to get upgraded tech. Z is happy - just because he's generally happy to see his people doing what they do.

And now, to figure out how to get my hands on some dressers and welders ... Right?

Be encouraged~

~ Dy

Arlington

Me-Tae's father passed away some time ago. It took until recently to get his interment arranged, but it finally happened this month. He was laid to rest in Arlington National Cemetery, afforded full honors. It was, hands down, the most beautiful ceremony I've witnessed, and a fitting way to say goodbye and thank you.

James and John couldn't make it because they both had classes during the time we'd be gone. That's a major downside of summer term - you can't afford to miss a class early on in the term because then if you get the plague in July you have to just mask up and slog through. But four of us were there in person, and all seven of us were there in thought. I hope that they felt loved.

The three younger kids and I drove out there for the service. We splurged and stayed two nights -- not only so that we could spend time with Me-Wa and Me-Tae, but because I am OLD and there was no way I was going to be able to drive 12 hours, spend one night, go to the funeral in the morning and then drive 12 hours home. Oh, heck no.

Arlington is pretty impressive, and I just don't have the words (or the photography skills) to capture the enormity of what it represents, or how powerfully it pours over you when you set foot on the property. We were all so quiet as it soaked in what we were looking at, awed and grateful.

We appreciated, too, the chance to say goodbye to John, who was a generous and loving man. We will forever be grateful to have had him in our lives, and forever be sorry that it wasn't for a longer time. We should all strive to leave a legacy like his.

Be encouraged!
~ Dy

Missing One

Jacob is off at his summer intensive, and the house is shockingly quiet. (On a tangentially related note, do you know of any robust earbuds that can survive a 14yo boy? I'm resigned at this point to replacing them every six months, but I hate the waste.)

In some ways, not much is different. We still chat about news over coffee in the mornings (yay for technology!) and he still sends me photos of cool things he finds while he's out and about. I love that part.

But he's gone. I miss seeing him spinning in the kitchen. I miss hearing his laughter when he reads something funny. I miss hanging out in the kitchen with him while we cook. I miss hearing him talk about the book he's reading or the upcoming Falcon Heavy launch. I know that's part and parcel of raising children to be autonomous, productive adults. But I sure do miss him when he's off being active.

This is the second week. It's both flying by and inching along. Time is so weird. I'll be gone when he wraps it up, and Z will get to see the performance at the end of the session. He'll enjoy that, since he missed the school sketches in May.

I do hope, though, that Jacob's up for a marathon of something ridiculous with snacks and root beer floats and hanging out in the kitchen in July.

Be encouraged!
~ Dy