The Balcony O' Death

*breathe in* *breathe out*

This is my new plan. I'm going to stick to it, no matter how hard it (or parts of it) may be. Remind me of this over the next month, will ya?

Today, Zorak began work on the preliminary portion of the balcony demolition, erm, rehabilitation. OK, no, demolition is the correct term. We were going to just shore it up a bit, make reinforcements here and there, and try to do this with as little expense as possible. Unfortunately, the closer we looked, the wider we realized the gap is between "possible" and... well, we pretty much had to redefine "possible" just to get started. Every. Little. Thing. Needs to be yanked and re-done. So, that's what we're going to do.

First, we banished the children to the Upper Meadow and the Back Yard. Only. Ever. Under penalty of having to live in the Scary Room until this project is completed if they so much as set a foot in the lower portion of the drive, or anywhere near the balcony. Obviously, they happily obliged.

We (the Royal We - I stayed inside and hummed loudly to myself - Zorak did all the work and the scary stuff) started with removing a limb that's been threatening to increase our insurance premiums ever since we bought the place.

The limb starts out from the tree about 20' off the ground, and extends straight up and out, extending over the balcony for a good 15'-20', ending in a gangly mass of dead weight, just waiting for a tornado, a heavy rain, or possibly just more than two migratory birds at one time to land on it. Zorak climbed up on the roof and started by removing the smaller pieces. Since the balcony is coming down, we didn't have to sweat it out any longer as to whether it would survive another limb-dive.

It mostly did. The hole on the left is from the first limb-dive, oh, a little over a year or so ago. The hole on the right is from the impact of the branch you see lying there. The balcony, itself, however, although now significantly more reminiscent of a foundering-ship-at-sea, did not collapse. So, armed with fresh determination, and an unyielding belief that I'd remember to call 9-1-1 if something horrible happened, Zorak took off a huge portion of the remaining limb. This is what it looks like, now. (Standing at the far, far end of the balcony, looking up.)

And this, is where the limb landed. I should have had Zorak go stand by it, to give you some perspective. Hmmm, perhaps I can use the debris to help? The camera is a good fifteen feet up, and 12 feet back. Those are five gal. buckets, there to the left of it. Cinder blocks comprise the two grey squares between the limb and the balcony. I'd guess the limb is a good 8" diameter where it broke off.

And so, the first of the many puckering phases of this project is complete. The rest of the limb looks solid, and should clear the balcony easily. It will come down this week. And then, so will the balcony. And then, the New Balcony, the one that will not shimmy, shake, or make anybody seasick, will rise from the rubble like a... like a non-flaming, not terribly magical Phoenix. Yup. That pretty much sums it up.

Tomorrow, more pictures, and I'll highlight some of the Hideous Contracting Decisions that make this deck oh, so special. But for now, BabyJ is up and so is my blogging time.

Kiss those babies!
~Dy