"Who's torturing hogs in the bleachers? What? It's that little Precious Moments child? What are they DOING to her?"And when the media gets ahold of those people, they'll be the very ones to say,
"They seemed like such a nice, quiet couple."So. She and I stayed home. (Also, slightly less pressing, but in the spirit of full disclosure, my rear hurts and I'm tired, I don't have the snack-bag packed, I don't have any 3T clothes to take for the Little Red-Haired Girl to change into, and I didn't wanna go! There you have it; I am not up for being SuperMom, or SuperAnythingElse. Sorry.)
Obviously, if Zorak hadn't been home, or had a horrible accident on the way home and was in full body traction, yeah, I'd have gone. And I think that's my problem. Not that I'd have gone, but I feel guilty about not going. I always feel guilty about not going, even when my presence is not required. Even when I leap joyfully through the air as they pull onto the road, leaving me behind. I feel like I'm... well, not doing what I ought to be doing.
They left. EmBaby and I ate strawberries and chatted a while. Then she yawned. I know that yawn. In one fluid movement, I swiped her, changed her, dropped a nightgown over her head, and brushed her teeth. She was too confused to resist. We read a bit, and then I laid her down.
And then...
And then...
And then I wanted to come blog and hang out. I wanted to go read books in bed and eat chocolate. But I didn't. Partly because we don't have any chocolate (hard to buy that under the radar when all of them are with you, and wide awake). Mostly, though, because I FEEL GUILTY if I do nothing while they're gone. I feel as though, when Zorak returns from having taken the children away for a while, I need to have a clean home, fresh tea, a dead mouse to lay at his feet. Something. Something that says, "See? I didn't abandon you. I've been industrious and worthy while you were gone." (Please note: he didn't do this to me. He'd be glad for me if I'd just lay down and sleep. Or read. Really, he understands that sometimes a body just has to stop moving. No, this is aaaalllll me.)
So I cleared the dinner table, cleaned the kitchen, tidied the pantry, put the whites in the wash, cleaned up the bathroom, tidied our room, pulled all the curtains, gathered the bills to be paid, and made Zorak's lunch for tomorrow. The house wasn't dirty to begin with - it's not like I had a lot of work to do. But, I found work until some (previously unknown) internal mechanism kicked in that said, "OK, you've done enough. You can relax now."
Where did that come from? And how do I make it go away? Or should I make it go away? (It's quite possible this sensation is the only thing keeping me from collapsing into a Very Lazy Coma the second I'm left unattended, and I acknowledge that.)
It's disturbing to think that any of my good, productive habits have been formed from guilt. But then, entire nations have been build upon guilt and they lasted a lot longer than I'm likely to... so, there's that. It's just so completely foreign to me, as I know me to be. I don't get it. I just don't. But the house sure feels good now, and I think I'm going to go read for a bit. (I didn't say this quirk is without perks, did I? Just that it's a little jarring at first.)
Kiss those babies (and that one is never done out of guilt!)
Dy
15 comments:
Maybe you just know you'll relax more in a clean(er) house? I don't know. I collapse in a heap on the couch before the van leaves the driveway in those situations, so I'm no help.
I know exactly how you feel! I'm like that, too, though David doesn't often take the kids out without me. When he does, I alternately clean and stare out the window, waiting for them to get back. I don't know quite what to do without them!
I know exactly what you mean - I always feel like I have to do something productive if the kids aren't around. I feel like I have to be able to point to more than the number of pages I've read in my book in order to show that I've made good use of my time. (not that anyone is checking up on me or has any expectations of that!) I tend to just go with it - do what I feel compelled to do (usually pick up a bit and make sure everything is clean in the kitchen) then sit down and read or whatever with a clean conscience. Yes, it is probably rather weird, and I probably don't need to be doing this, but it does result in a cleaner house and I don't tend to get so caught up in it that I don't end up without any time to read or whatever.
You sound like you had a lovely evening!
Amber, that's exactly it - just go until you hit some point of acceptability, and then relax. Yup.
Jenni, lol, I stare out the window, too. And try not to call if they take longer than I *thought* they should. But I'm always glad when they get home.
You know, it's funny, Zorak read this, and said, "I could tell you weren't up for going. I don't mind. And... we DO have chocolate, you know." D'oh! I forgot, we hit the Russell Stover's Outlet on our way back from Nashville - we have three sampler boxes, a huge box of caramel-marshmallow chocolate eggs, and a couple of bunnies stashed in the guest room! All that chocolate, and I blew it cleaning the kitchen! :-D
Dy
It's like some weird, opposite universe. Matt took the big kids to the movies last night, and after I put the littles to bed I grabbed my book, swiped a Hershey bar from the Smores-for-this-weekend-supply-bag, and waltzed right out of the messy kitchen.
I *never* do that. Not the kitchen. Can't ignore a kitchen mess. But I did.
And now I know why. YOU used up all the productivity.
Really, Dy. You should be more considerate of others, you know.
I do not suffer from this productivity syndrome. Earlier I was supposed to be working in the garden (Solomon would receive a LOT of instruction passing by these slothful fields) but it was too hot and I laid down in the grass beneath a shade maple. Cars driving by finally awakened me. How many neighbors passed by and thought, "Look at that lazy farmer sleeping while the weeds slowly strangle his crops!"
Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day. I've missed ya! I haven't been around much lately in the blog world... something to do with a baby in the house, homeschooling, cooking, cleaning, blah, blah, blah.... But now it's summer - maybe I can find some free time to "play" and actually relax (after everything else is done, of course.)
Awww. You poor thing. I suffer from thay weird thing, too.
For me, now I have never admitted this before, it's The Dog Whisperer. I TIVO the episodes and then, when Kevin takes the boys out, I secretly watch them. As soon as I hear the garage door open, I quickly shut the TV and grab the sponge and begin wiping the counters.
Why do I do this?
Kevin doesn't mind if I sit and let my brain rot in front of the Dog Whisperer, he tapes it for me for cryin' out loud.
*sigh*
I think we can probably get a group counseling rate. *grin*
I felt that way when my lazy farmer took Joshua to the doctor recently, and I didn't go, too. That's the sensible decision, I know. Dragging four children to the doctor when only one is ill when you don't actually have to is, well, stupid. But, I AM HIS MAMA, and therefore should have been there. *sigh* I don't know how I'd feel about a happier outing.
I feel like Andie this morning- except I think we are living in a parallel universe!
You know that picture of Zorak and Baby Girl from the 4th? That little dress she's wearing? The Little Sparkler one? Yep, Anna wore that on the 4th too. It suits her perfectly as I'm sure it does Emily. I think there is enough of a small resemblance between Zorak and Derick that I searched my camera to see if I had any pictures of my man and my baby in a similar pose. I did not, but I am glad because that would have been a little too weird. :)
Then this morning, Derick took all the older kids swimming. I am home alone with my Baby Girl, sitting down to check some blogs, and feeling guilty, guilty, guilty!! I should so be cleaning and sorting and organizing and being productive. Not doing something enjoyable for myself. As Derick would say, "Who gave you permission to do that?" ;)
So yes, I can relate to the need to feel productive and I am also not sure how to make it go. away.
When you figure that out, let me know!
Jules, that's funny! Zorak and Derick do have similar builds. We love that little dress. And thank heaven for Oxyclean - she's been able to wear it many times! *sigh* The only way I've found to make the urge to be productive go away is to do something, be productive, get it out of my system. Then I can relax. Which is painfully ironic, considering I don't have this urge when everybody's here. When they're here, I'm more along the lines of "hey, let's do something together!" But productive? Eh, not so much. I don't get it.
We will embrace the Dog Whisperer, or the blogging, or the hanging out! It will be okay!
Ernie, you're far from lazy. Maybe for a farmer, I don't know, but you make the rest of us look like slugs. However, I can't hang w/ the napping under the maple - there are TICKS, man! Ticks! Don't you have ticks? AHHHHh. Now, I would do it in NM, but I don't even like to sit on the ground here, much less nap. *shudder*
Andie, I envy you that s'mores stash. Seriously. I hope it was good. *sigh*
Dy
I have a similar tug of war in my mind when I get that brief moment to myself. On one hand you know that you should relax, but on the other you are thinking that you should get the cleaning done that you can't with the kids home.
I have really enjoyed reading your blog. :)
Well, I'm coming late to this, but I wanted to say that I too suffer from this syndrome. I definitely feel guilty for not accomplishing something measureable when Bob takes the kids or even just gives them baths and puts them to bed! Whereas when I do those things, and Bob is tired . . . he naps. I haven't noticed any guilty feelings whatsoever, LOL!
You're supposed to call me so we can be idle together silly. ;-)
Dy - You have serious issues.. LOL..
and you sound so much like me.. in fact I could have written this post!
Have you been reading my thoughts lately.. sounds like it.
Are you the type that fries onions until you can figure out what to make for dinner so that at least the house smells like something is cooking when it isn't? LOL
Or maybe you are cleaning the tub while you are taking a soak..
Join the club.
It's the Type A over-achievers who have the productivity relaxation guilt syndrome.
Love ya.. and yes kissing those babies .. well that is relaxing without any guilt at all.
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