I wanted to make two points, both of which center around this poor hypothetical uneducated woman who (if her education is left unchecked by THE STATE) will end up "stuck on welfare forever with no way of improving her circumstances". How many public schooled children become adults on welfare??? Also, I don't believe anyone is ever "stuck" and I don't know when welfare became a permanent occupation...
Of course, there was a dissenting view, but it was going ok- I thought- we went rounds, but politely enough.
Then, since I evidently don't know enough about NC's welfare program (I was not aware that AFDC has been renamed TANF), and since I don't believe that the only way out of the pit is by government dole, she hit me with
"have you ever been poor? Just curious."
Guys, I got so angry I began to shake! I'm talking seriously, deeply pissed off over this. I think I was so offended because I have a feeling what she was getting at was, "Have you ever been in a situation that would cause you to have one iota of empathy for the less fortunate, you heartless sod?" I responded as best I could, explaining a small part of my background, but wish now that I'd waited to respond. I wasn't ugly, but I wasn't eloquent, either. Whether I have ever been "poor" has no bearing on my ability to do the math! I'm not as offended as I was originally, but the board has archived, and I have a feeling that nothing I say is going to change her mind or soften her heart, so I don't want to drag a potentially poisonous situation over.
When someone asks you "have you ever been poor?" HOW do you answer that? "Are you talking abject poverty or just below the Federal income guidelines for the poverty level?" WHAT?!? The answer to both for me is a resounding YES, and I repeat that it has no bearing, so what kind of a question is that? Having experienced a situation may give a person a unique perspective, but it does not make that person any more or less qualified than someone else with a different experience (or education). The funny thing is that although she was so heavily focused on how the gov't won't help, I think we actually agreed that it's not the State's job. Funny, isn't it?
Hey, if you know an adult who cannot read, what's your problem? Get off your butt and help that person learn to read! If you know a child who could use a little read-aloud time and encouragement, don't be stingy. It costs you nothing but time, and the benefits to all are tremendous! Good grief, people. If you have children coming out your ears and don't feel you have the time to mentor even one other child, fine, then do a little legwork and donate to a local organization that helps people. There are plenty that are not Government-Funded (I would recommend that you specifically seek out non-g-funded charities, actually.) These aren't the jobs of some nameless entity on far off Capitol Hill! (They're not good with money, anyway.)
For what it is worth, even when we were all crammed into an aluminum trailer, doing the abject poverty thing (and believe me, we are talking serious poverty), my mother never failed to offer what little she had: an extra seat at our already overcrowded table, shoes I'd outgrown but which could be used by someone who didn't have even that, her time to watch a co-worker's child so the mother could pull double shifts and be able to buy groceries AND pay rent that week. We were dirt poor, but she never went to the Government to beg for help, she instead looked around to see who else needed something more than we did, and she did something about it. Maybe if more of us quit wondering about each other's qualifications, stopped looking toward Capitol Hill to help our own people, and started looking around and wondering who nearby we could help, we'd be amazed at the ways we could make our world a lot better.
Anyhow, that's my .02. Possibly only worth a penny and a half, but keep the change. I just had to get it off my chest.
~Dy
5 comments:
Dy,
I think you have an apology over at WTM...
I don't know if this is the person who offended you.
I am not smart enough nor thick skinned enough to participate in heavy discussions on forums. I tried a few years ago and I was misunderstood. Alas, I stick with my safe, encouraging words...that way nobody gets hurt *wink*
Now I will go and try to understand your post...hehehe
Love ya!
Donna
Dy, I read your response, and it was a good one. But your point is spot on - one can still use reason and clear thinking to form an opinion without experiencing the thing directly.
Anyway, good blog. And (((hugs))) for you! You done good.
Yes Amy, I agree! I have been told that I shouldn't counsel women to stay home and raise their children becuase I "don't have to work outside the home". They have said things much like what Dy was talking about. You've never been there, you don't know what it is like, you can afford to stay home and to that I say.....ARE WE READING THE SAME BIBLE? So, do you disregaurd the Word of God because you want a bigger house or nicer car. Oh dear....I better say that I know there are women who must work, I am not talking about them, I am talking about those women who will not make the decesion to stay home and give up some of the extras of life. Or those who are not willing to end their career for their family....I did and I don't regret it one bit. BTW Dy, you gave it the whole .02 in this post. Good job! Love Janet
Oh, Dy ... I wrote at least three responses to that post, and thankfully never posted any of them.
I very much agree with you, and I, too, have been "poor" at times. That's hard for me to say, because although I've been in situations where I've been making poverty-level money, choosing between paying rent (or mortgage) and eating (or feeding my kids) ... been ill but could only afford medicine for one sick person and had to choose who got it ... and yet, I don't think I've ever been "poor." Does that make sense?
It's hard for me to have any sympathy for that hypothetical woman. I have a friend who lived in a terrible family situation. He dropped out of high school and left home. Today he makes over 100K.
My FIL grew up during the depression. He dropped out of school because he had to take care of the family. They ate beans. When he was able to, he left home and lived in the woods for awhile. I have no idea what grade he made it through. He ended up career military, rasied four sons and owns a house and 60 acres of land.
Then there's my BIL - good family, good education. Free ride to college. Dropped out of college and literally sat on his behind for 10 years. Didn't feel like working, so he didn't.
My Mom's family was dirt poor and uneducated. My Mom determined she'd have a different life, a better life and she did.
What's the common denominator here? Education and money didn't make a difference in terms of their success in life. Determination, optimism and hard work ( or lack of it ) made the difference.
Not long ago NPR ran a story about a woman in government housing in Chicago. Did you ever hear it, Dy? It was frightening. Educational opportunities, help of all kinds were thrown at this woman. Most of the time she couldn't bother to show up. Now, I *know* that not everone on welfare is like that - I've known enough people on welfare to know the difference. But some people use it for what it's intended for - a temporary help to something better. And some people ... don't.
I haven't had a chance to take a look over on the boards yet, but I totally agree with your two points.
Besides welfare system abuse, I also get riled up about the misuse of Social Security. Originally, I believe, it was designed to assist war widows and their children. We all know how far it's come...
As for being poor, when you've spent time in a third world country and seen people that have no material wealth, by our standards, but can take care of themselves and provide for large families through hard work, there's no excuse for being stuck, permanently, on welfare.
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